=====

IN THIS EDITION:  You may actually be giving off a vibe to your
entire social circle that you're completely unaware of...

=====



NO DIRECTIONS?


Most men don't like to ask directions.

That's not necessarily a good thing,
of course.

Let me tell you, the few guys who DO
man up and figure out the right path
are almost ALWAYS the ones who
get what they want in life.

...Even as all the other dudes wander
around in the wilderness without a
clue.

This is no coincidence.

If you want to reclaim your natural
masculinity, crush shyness and start
attracting the stunning high quality
women you've always dreamed about,
then Invincible is the road map you'll
need:



50% Off Invincible + The Master Plan FREE



In it, you'll get all the secrets to
rock-solid personal confidence,
beating the "Mr. Nice Guy" problem,
standing up for yourself, rocking
women in the bedroom and--of
course--making women notice
you...all because "there's something
about you".

Right now, you'll get Invincible for
50% off.

You'll also get The Master Plan, the
classic cornerstone program
which most of everything else we talk
about around here is built upon.

It's all about discovering how to reclaim
natural masculinity...as women
themselves define it.

Life is MUCH, MUCH BETTER when
you're this kind of man. It's as if a veil
has been lifted.
 
You already have all of the necessary
traits within you. They just need to be
fine-tuned and released...to the delight
of amazing women everywhere.

There's MUCH MORE in both programs
for you, but you'll just have to take a
look for yourself:



50% Off Invincible + The Master Plan FREE



Those who make a bold move to get
what they want in life get rewarded.

And now, here's the lowdown on a
particularly devastating syndrome
I call "Shyness Induced Snobbery"
and I have a sneaking suspicion
that Zane from Northern Ireland and
I aren't the only guys who can relate.

Here's what I mean...



=====



THE ABSOLUTE WEIRDEST WAY WE PREVENT OURSELVES
FROM MEETING WOMEN


Hi Scot,

I have a question (or nearly a question, I can hardly get a handle
on the concept I'm trying to articulate!) about the value of intuitive
judgments when selecting a woman to approach.

I have a tendency to acknowledge attraction to a woman but then
talk myself out of it because "she's probably...x,y or z" where x,y
or z could be anything from too stupid to has poor taste in...
whatever. 

However, on occasions that I have been in contact with such people
that I would have from a distance judged harshly, I've found them
to be, in some cases, very fine people.
 
So I'm wondering what your take on this is? 

I have a notion that it may be a form of limiting belief (i.e. it's
more of an EXCUSE not to approach than a VALID REASON not
to approach).

Is there anything that deals with this specifically?  In a way I
already have my answer, but I just want to bounce it off someone.


Cheers,

Zane (Northern Ireland)



=====



How's it going, Zane?  Good to hear from you.
 
At the heart of your question is a phenomenon that I find
fascinating.

Even though you're attracted to a particular woman, you do
your best to shovel dirt on the whole idea of meeting her for
whatever reason that sounds good in the moment. 

Even though she's beautiful to you, you tell yourself there's got
to be some "deal breaker" going on there, even though in truth you
have no concrete idea yet whether that would be the case or not.

Assuming I get the gist of the matter, this comes off to others as
snobbery, even though it's really nothing more than a front for
failure to approach women and express interest in them.
 
If that's ringing a bell here, believe me, I GET IT.  I used to do
this ALL THE TIME, man.
 
The process runs sort of like this: 



  1)  See woman, PRE-QUALIFY HER instantly in your mind as
      amazing.  


  2)  Consider woman, let your mind go into analysis mode...leading
      to negative visualizations of potential "rejection", etc.


  3)  Rationalize away the situation by PRE-DISQUALIFYING her as
      having some presumed "deal breaker" going on that makes it
      not such a good idea to meet her.  That way, she never has
      any chance to cause you any pain by "rejecting" you. 


  4)  Fail to deploy. Yet, you retain what you perceive to be the
      upper hand:  You've "rejected" her as sort of a pre-emptive
      strike. 


 
Notice that the second point above is key.  That's the
psychological linchpin to the whole weird mental process we
cycle through.

In my case, the "pre-disqualification" would very often play out
something like this: 


  "I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing I'm
  interested in her, because she'd probably embarrass me if she
  had 'one up' on me like that." 


Yep...and that statement would be closely followed by this one:


  "Besides, she's probably completely wrong for me because of
  [insert lame, fictional reason here]."
 

So to essentially camouflage my fear, I'd tell myself that I was
the strong one in such a scenario--keeping my 'one up' position
on the woman.
 
The end result, though?  Women thought I was a TOTAL SNOB. 

After all, I was a pretty outgoing guy with my friends and was
almost always good at making people have fun.
 
That is unless there was a girl I had the hots for.  Then she
didn't so much as get eye contact from me.  I totally gave her the
"cold shoulder".
 
But it really wasn't that I was a snob.  Rather, I was, simply put,
deathly afraid of rejection.  So I 'pre-rejected' them.
 
I may have told myself that I was the STRONG one, but deep
down I knew my mindset was pretty WEAK.

Essentially, I was the "outgoing shy guy".  I was able to shine in
just about every social situation, unless a woman I found
attractive was involved.  Then I'd CLAM UP. 

Crazy, huh?
 
Yet I think a lot of guys can relate.
 
So for the good of the cause, what was going on there?
 
It all comes down to our tendency to run through all the BAD
possibilities in our minds before anything REAL ever has a
chance to play out.
 
We visualize disaster, and of course we run the other way.
Stimulus, response.
 
But blaming the woman for being "wrong" is just a crutch.  In fact,
that's as much of a fantasy at that stage as your attraction for
her is. 

(Think about that one for a sec.)
 
So what's the CURE?
 
Well, first of all, the day I stopped seeing simple conversations
with attractive women as contests, everything changed.

If you're just talking to a woman, then there's no more an
issue of "acceptance vs. rejection" than there is when you talk
to anyone else you meet.  It's simply socializing when you think
about it like that.
 
I'm not sure exactly where it all clicked for me, but I'll readily
admit that I waited long enough in life to get over it that I'm
kicking myself.
 
Maybe I had finally been on enough dates where I was initially
excited yet grew less and less interested as the evening wore
on.

That's always a practical way to learn how counter-productive, if
not flat out silly it is to pre-qualify women.
 
Or maybe I had successfully conversed with enough women
while in a relationship with someone else (i.e. when I wasn't
really looking to act on attraction) that I finally GOT IT:  a
confident, carefree style works like a charm with women.

You know what I mean, right?  It's ye olde "Why do women like
me more when I have a girlfriend?" quandary.  

Well, the answer is, of course, a delicate combination of women
"buying on the approval of others" AND what I'm talking about
here.

When you LEAD with an attitude that is free of any angst over
potential loss, then the woman feels more comfortable with you
and you fare WAY BETTER with her overall.
 
At this point I have to tell you that one of the biggest reasons
why I go out of my way nowadays to be approachable as opposed
to hiding in an "ivory tower" is because of my life experience in this
area. 

Believe me, I know as well as anyone what a TRAGIC LOSS it is to
insulate myself from terrific people because of "shyness-induced
snobbery".  (Maybe that acronym, "SIS" is significant, huh?)
 
It's truly a joy to get to know people and let them make their own
first impressions on you. 

I personally realized over time how deep the influence of "shyness-
induced snobbery" ran in my life.  In many ways it showed up when
confronted with any situation with anyone I was sort of in awe of,
for any reason.

Really, it's all just a "front" for not facing up to what a man's
got to do whenever something's perceived to be "at stake", right? 

You can imagine how such a mindset can prohibit someone from
meeting almost anyone who could prove significant to him or her.
 
So these days, I've learned to enjoy meeting every single person I
can and not wad myself up in pre-conceived notions of ANY type,
actually. 
 
And I suspect that if you intentionalize that same concept of
seeing conversations with women as simple social events rather
than "do or die" situations, you'll soon develop a very "big four" habit
of ENJOYING interaction and opening yourself to the natural results
of where it leads. 
 
That is to say, pretty women who knock your socks off initially may
end up disappointing you, even as other women you meet by
happenstance impress the heck out of you.  You'll go with that flow,
and ENJOY IT. 

No "fear of loss" involved.
 
By the way, just to add another dimension to this (as I tend to
enjoy doing), keep your eyes open to the fact that every shred of
what we're talking about here is a HUMAN TENDENCY, not just a
"guy thing". 

That's right, if YOU think we as men get hit by "SIS" you should
know that this mindset is pandemic among women.
 
The girl in high school who went out of her way to ignore you
just may have had a major crush on you.  And for some women,
being affected by "SIS" never changes. 

You even see that theme played out in the movies A LOT...
especially those "chick flicks" we rarely watch. 

Well, there's a reason for that.  Women can relate also.
 
We sure weave a tangled web for ourselves in life, don't we? 

Ultimately, you just never know what's really going on with people
until you meet them and get to know them.  And that takes
leadership. 
 
Just like "following" someone on Twitter is actually "leading" as
far as social interaction goes, the same holds true in real life.

The "big four" guy makes the friends, meets the women, and
ends up being the key influencer in his entire social circle.
 
Great, great question, Zane.  Thanks for the inspiration to
address what really is a HUGE topic for many people.
 
By the way, was that in line with what you already suspected? 


  [Ed. Note:  I heard back from Zane, and this indeed hit the
  nail on the head for him.]

=====






(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2023. All Rights Reserved.


Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.

 

Get Coaching For Real Results, Real Fast

The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
 

New 2-Minute Videos Every Tuesday On YouTube

The Mountain Top Podcast...Subscribe And
Leave A Review


This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please use the
link below to remove yourself from our mailing list.