[X&Y] You're Impressive. So Why Isn't She Into You?
Published: Fri, 12/22/23
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IN THIS EDITION: It's important that a woman is duly impressed
by you. How you go about making sure that happens will make or
break your success with her.
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'TIS THE SEASON WHEN SCROLLING GETS REWARDED
By now, plenty of you have taken full advantage of the
$20 gift card I gave you on Wednesday.
Yes, it's for real. Spend it like cash at the X & Y
Communications Store.
But I have heard from some of you that the website is
a bit overwhelming.
Well, yeah...I've left a WHOLE lot of goodies under the
tree for you.
The key is to spend a few extra seconds scrolling down
through the "winter wonderland" until you see what
catches your eye. Chances are it's there.
You'll even find "Easter eggs at Christmastime" (with
"EGG" by the price), and plenty of $27 "stocking stuffers"
you can slap that gift card on:
It's A Major Award!
Raid Santa's sleigh, and then enter "giftcard20" in the
clearly marked field on the order page. Easy enough.
Merry Christmas from all of us!
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YOU'RE IMPRESSIVE. SO WHY ISN'T SHE INTO YOU?
Have you ever noticed there are certain things that never get
us anywhere with women, yet guys still do them ALL the time?
A major one is going overboard trying to "impress" women.
Simply put, most guys try too hard. Women can see through
that every time, and they practically smell the desperation.
Guys with less experience try to overwhelm a woman as soon
as possible with some twisted, self-absorbed, approval seeking
version of blatant "shock and awe" rather than simply letting
their masculinity and charm create natural attraction.
What's up with that?
Here it is (ready?):
Nobody has ever attracted anyone by being "impressive".
Think about it. You can be, do and have all sorts of things. But
until she is ATTRACTED to you sexually, you're still going to
be in the "Just Be Friends Zone"...at best.
This is not gender specific. When was the last time you still
wanted a woman BADLY if you weren't attracted to her?
Be honest. I could wave opportunities with A-list actresses and
bona-fide "sugar mamas" at you, but if you're a typical guy
you'd still be grossed out if you weren't ATTRACTED to her.
Now, before you write me arguing the counterpoint, I'll fully
acknowledge there are plenty of opportunists and coat-tail
riders out there who apparently LOVE being impressed.
But are they really ATTRACTED?
And if they're not, is it really going to go anywhere good
for you?
If you're like me, you're all about a woman who is hot for
YOU, not for what you have or what you represent.
Online dating is where we see particularly egregious
examples of this wrong-headed mindset. There's page
after page of allegedly rich guys posing in pictures with
all of their cool stuff.
Then, in the narrative they mention the prestigious university
they graduated from at least six times.
Going further, they brag about some club they're in and how
they're on a first-name basis with the chef at the swankiest
restaurant in town.
Even though virtually every woman would roll her eyes at all of
that, these guys behind the profiles are completely nonplussed
by their lack of dating options.
Either that or they've become convinced that "all women are
golddiggers" because that's all they're getting mutual matches
with.
Should such a guy ever go on an actual date with a real, live
woman nothing would be much different. The world would
revolve around his impressiveness.
Never mind how the woman would wonder why she's even there,
given how little the guy cares about her as a human being.
All she would be thinking about is how pathetic this guy is,
having so little confidence in his inherent attractiveness that he
feels the pressing need to hide behind a barricade of "stuff".
Meanwhile, the minority of men who are skilled with women
know better.
A man who knows how to make a woman LOVE him takes an
interest in her. He also makes it a point to let her talk more
than he does.
He invests his energy in making a woman feel comfortable in
his presence.
And most of all, he rests in a certain confidence that he will
impress a woman by his very nature...with natural masculinity
rather than trying to convince her why she should be so
impressed.
By focusing on the woman he's with rather than himself, he
lets her spill all of that potentially valuable information about
what she's like, storing it all away in the moment and leveraging
it much later...precisely when they're most likely to come off like
a mind-reading magician.
That's one way to legitimately amaze women. But most men
lack the necessary patience and maturity to pull it off.
In addition to letting your masculine nature do the "heavy
lifting" for attraction, you actually become straight-up more
likable in such a scenario.
As the competent man makes every right move, the woman will
prove Dale Carnegie's famous age-old premise that the more
you focus on someone else, the more they'll be drawn to YOU
in return.
He trusts that golden truth implicitly, knowing how dependably
predictable the outcome is.
Focusing on her. Making her comfortable. Letting HER talk.
These are all subtle indicators of awesomeness. The seeds
of how cool the guy is get planted in a way that's very much
"under the radar".
Then they grow...and flourish.
It really doesn't take long before the woman is all over him.
A true badass with women can continue to pile on even more
subtle indicators of masculine power. The key is to indirectly
allude to the most intriguing aspects of who he inherently is, all
without ever really gushing about the basic facts..and STILL
making it all about HER.
Instead of blathering on about his travels to India, he invites
her over for Pav Bhaji, Palak Paneer and Tikka Masala.
When she inevitably asks how on Earth he discovered such
delicacies even though they both live in Cincinnati, it's THEN
he can casually mention how he first got hooked on the stuff
when he tried it along Juhu Beach in Mumbai.
From there, he gives no details. He simply relaxes, waiting
for her ask the inevitable questions based on her own level
of intrigue.
And she will, because he has ALREADY attracted her.
See? That's when being impressive starts to matter.
It offers some logic for why she's feeling primal attraction,
helping the seduction process along.
You can proceed in a similar manner from now on, too. While you
may not be able to capitalize on the exact example I've given,
it's highly likely that you've either done or can do some amazing
things in your own right.
The trick is to take inventory of those things and file them away
for future reference.
And yes, older guys. Your cumulative life experience really does
give you an edge with younger women.
Take all those years of piano lessons your parents made you suffer
through and parlay them into being the one guy at the party who can
actually play the big grand piano in the center of the room...right
when it's time to sing "Happy Birthday" to someone.
Only exercise your knowledge of how to say "I love you" in German
when it's actually time to SAY "I love you" in German.
By the way, it's perfectly okay to look for an excuse to do that,
and even to engineer the opportunity a bit if need be.
Can you see the value of that? While most guys can't wait to spill
every minute detail about everything they think makes them so
"amazing", the most impressive skill of all is directing social
interactions so you'll have a clear opportunity to BE amazing...
having it come off as natural, if not ostensibly accidental.
Get that mindset, be patient enough to use it to your advantage,
and then simply get on with the business of piling on subtle
indicators of awesomeness.
She'll love you for it.
Weirdly, that'll be true even if at some point she figures out how
you operate. There's just something about the patience and
subtlety of it all that genuinely impresses her anyway.
Truth be told, it's the neediness and desperation typical guys
telegraph to women that's such a turn off.
Deep down, your skills and experiences are still as inherently
attractive and intriguing as you've always suspected they are.
You just have to handle letting a woman know about them the
RIGHT way...AFTER she's attracted the natural way.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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