[X&Y] "Is This Some Kind Of Test?" [Reader Question]
Published: Thu, 01/11/24
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Understanding women can be tricky enough. So
what happens when cultural differences make things even more
complicated?
=====
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=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
The other day I took this girl out who is from Laos. Really cool
(and cheeky) chick.
Anyway as the date was going on I felt it time to kiss her, I
leaned in and as I got close she pulled back. She then tells me
that they don't kiss is Laos. Hmm...
So I asked her how dating is in Laos. She said there is hand holding
and things like that. So I put my arm around her and said ok, if it
gets uncomfortable tell me.
The rest of the date was fine, we both had fun, I was holding her
hand as we walked, and arm around her when we were seated or
standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road, but with no
complaints.
I want to know how can I be in a situation where she would want to
kiss me? I totally want to respect her customs, but here in
Australia, we kiss.
Also is this some kind of test? Do you think sex would be also
taboo for her?
If you could shed some light on this it would be awesome.
Cheers mate,
Ethan (Australia)
=====
OK Ethan, this is an excellent topic you've brought up.
And before we dive in, I want to commend you for listening to her
and respecting her views.
You've done a great job of combining indication of affection toward
her with clear communication of your intent to help her feel safe and
comfortable with you.
Great job.
I've definitely seen women cite cultural customs as excuses.
Then again, I've also known plenty of women who meant it.
I happen to know there is indeed a strict taboo on public display
of affection in Laos, and that kissing someone in public there is
nothing short of offensive to the masses.
It wouldn't hurt to study up on Lao culture and see if you discover
any further info, especially as it relates to what might happen in
private rather than in public.
But that's really just for your own well being.
It doesn't matter one bit whether they kiss early on in relationships
in Laos or not. That is, unless they don't kiss at all or something,
and you can't deal with that indefinitely.
Here's what I mean.
The woman clearly likes you. So there are two key things to
remember, both of them centered around getting YOU out of your
own head:
1) Not all women have flimsy world views/moral structures
that they are easily willing to compromise.
If a woman has set standards for herself, you simply can't take it
personally when she actually (go figure) lives up to them.
Further, if you respect her standards and customs as you mentioned,
you likewise cannot spend any time trying to figure out how to
circumvent them. That would not be in her best interest, and at
that point you'd become an aggressor in this relationship.
Remember...if a woman is not comfortable with you, you're toast.
And if she thinks at all that your only interest is in getting her
to compromise her morality, then she's not going to stick around
for very long.
2) The whole idea of women "testing" men as defined
elsewhere is somewhat overblown. (Hear me out on this.)
Women protect themselves from potential manipulators when they
feel they should, whether that threat is real or not.
If she perceives such a threat, the defense mechanism will go up.
But meanwhile, a woman who likes you, feels comfortable around you
and acknowledges your masculinity doesn't sense the need to drive you
away, unless she has an unhealthy fear of success that haunts her.
As such, what looks outwardly like a confrontational "test" of some sort
may actually be nothing more than a subtle invitation to respond in a
way a man would: by making a decision that shows personal strength,
a willingness to act in her best interest, without neediness and/or
desperation.
In other words, the breathtaking truth is most "testing" women do
is really about igniting our masculinity so they can feel more sexually
attracted to us.
Importantly, that playful mindset can and will happen regardless of a
woman's moral/ethical stance on actually acting on her sexual feelings.
If you can be a man who is NOT sex-focused, and can enjoy her
company--maybe excluding the hand holding and such for the time
being--then you'll build the all-important feeling of security in her in
no time.
Then you simply ignite her femininity, as a masculine man should.
No pressure. Just security, a plan of action at all times for the
dates you go on, calm laid-back motions and no overreactions.
Enjoy her feminine presence, and allow her the freedom to enjoy
your masculine presence in response. From there great things
happen.
If her words about not kissing in Laos were an overstatement in
the general sense (i.e. not just as far as PDA goes), you'll know
the extent of that soon enough under such circumstances
Remember, it's not always about something you did "wrong". And
the most "right" thing you can do is build her comfort level and
trust...but it has to be the real thing.
From there, you'll get responses from women that will blow your
mind.
=====
There are terrific women all over the world.
Understanding what their thoughts, dreams and desires are is
immensely challenging for most guys, even if they were born in
raised in the very same neighborhood as themselves.
If you are like me, you can only imagine what it's like for Ethan
to try to sort everything out given the diverse cultural
differences between Australia and Laos.
But you know, I see this as yet another kind of "high quality
problem".
After all, I give Ethan major kudos for being bold enough to meet a
woman from a different part of the world and expect the best when
it comes to having a solid relationship with her.
Fortunately, being a MAN who can ignite femininity knows no
national boundaries. Just because it's not customary in Lao
culture to show public affection doesn't mean that attraction isn't
present.
What would it take for you to have the freedom in your life to
attract whichever women you favored the most?
And do you have an actual plan for going from "what do I do next?"
mode to living a naturally flowing and immensely rich life...having
developed the RIGHT habits to get you there?
If not, are you ready to GET a plan?
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
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QUESTION FROM A READER
The other day I took this girl out who is from Laos. Really cool
(and cheeky) chick.
Anyway as the date was going on I felt it time to kiss her, I
leaned in and as I got close she pulled back. She then tells me
that they don't kiss is Laos. Hmm...
So I asked her how dating is in Laos. She said there is hand holding
and things like that. So I put my arm around her and said ok, if it
gets uncomfortable tell me.
The rest of the date was fine, we both had fun, I was holding her
hand as we walked, and arm around her when we were seated or
standing at the traffic lights waiting to cross the road, but with no
complaints.
I want to know how can I be in a situation where she would want to
kiss me? I totally want to respect her customs, but here in
Australia, we kiss.
Also is this some kind of test? Do you think sex would be also
taboo for her?
If you could shed some light on this it would be awesome.
Cheers mate,
Ethan (Australia)
=====
OK Ethan, this is an excellent topic you've brought up.
And before we dive in, I want to commend you for listening to her
and respecting her views.
You've done a great job of combining indication of affection toward
her with clear communication of your intent to help her feel safe and
comfortable with you.
Great job.
I've definitely seen women cite cultural customs as excuses.
Then again, I've also known plenty of women who meant it.
I happen to know there is indeed a strict taboo on public display
of affection in Laos, and that kissing someone in public there is
nothing short of offensive to the masses.
It wouldn't hurt to study up on Lao culture and see if you discover
any further info, especially as it relates to what might happen in
private rather than in public.
But that's really just for your own well being.
It doesn't matter one bit whether they kiss early on in relationships
in Laos or not. That is, unless they don't kiss at all or something,
and you can't deal with that indefinitely.
Here's what I mean.
The woman clearly likes you. So there are two key things to
remember, both of them centered around getting YOU out of your
own head:
1) Not all women have flimsy world views/moral structures
that they are easily willing to compromise.
If a woman has set standards for herself, you simply can't take it
personally when she actually (go figure) lives up to them.
Further, if you respect her standards and customs as you mentioned,
you likewise cannot spend any time trying to figure out how to
circumvent them. That would not be in her best interest, and at
that point you'd become an aggressor in this relationship.
Remember...if a woman is not comfortable with you, you're toast.
And if she thinks at all that your only interest is in getting her
to compromise her morality, then she's not going to stick around
for very long.
2) The whole idea of women "testing" men as defined
elsewhere is somewhat overblown. (Hear me out on this.)
Women protect themselves from potential manipulators when they
feel they should, whether that threat is real or not.
If she perceives such a threat, the defense mechanism will go up.
But meanwhile, a woman who likes you, feels comfortable around you
and acknowledges your masculinity doesn't sense the need to drive you
away, unless she has an unhealthy fear of success that haunts her.
As such, what looks outwardly like a confrontational "test" of some sort
may actually be nothing more than a subtle invitation to respond in a
way a man would: by making a decision that shows personal strength,
a willingness to act in her best interest, without neediness and/or
desperation.
In other words, the breathtaking truth is most "testing" women do
is really about igniting our masculinity so they can feel more sexually
attracted to us.
Importantly, that playful mindset can and will happen regardless of a
woman's moral/ethical stance on actually acting on her sexual feelings.
If you can be a man who is NOT sex-focused, and can enjoy her
company--maybe excluding the hand holding and such for the time
being--then you'll build the all-important feeling of security in her in
no time.
Then you simply ignite her femininity, as a masculine man should.
No pressure. Just security, a plan of action at all times for the
dates you go on, calm laid-back motions and no overreactions.
Enjoy her feminine presence, and allow her the freedom to enjoy
your masculine presence in response. From there great things
happen.
If her words about not kissing in Laos were an overstatement in
the general sense (i.e. not just as far as PDA goes), you'll know
the extent of that soon enough under such circumstances
Remember, it's not always about something you did "wrong". And
the most "right" thing you can do is build her comfort level and
trust...but it has to be the real thing.
From there, you'll get responses from women that will blow your
mind.
=====
There are terrific women all over the world.
Understanding what their thoughts, dreams and desires are is
immensely challenging for most guys, even if they were born in
raised in the very same neighborhood as themselves.
If you are like me, you can only imagine what it's like for Ethan
to try to sort everything out given the diverse cultural
differences between Australia and Laos.
But you know, I see this as yet another kind of "high quality
problem".
After all, I give Ethan major kudos for being bold enough to meet a
woman from a different part of the world and expect the best when
it comes to having a solid relationship with her.
Fortunately, being a MAN who can ignite femininity knows no
national boundaries. Just because it's not customary in Lao
culture to show public affection doesn't mean that attraction isn't
present.
What would it take for you to have the freedom in your life to
attract whichever women you favored the most?
And do you have an actual plan for going from "what do I do next?"
mode to living a naturally flowing and immensely rich life...having
developed the RIGHT habits to get you there?
If not, are you ready to GET a plan?
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
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