[X&Y] How To Ask A Woman Out Without Looking Desperate
Published: Sun, 11/19/23
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EVER FEEL LIKE YOU'RE "BOTHERING" WOMEN?
No matter what the media would have us believe, the truth is that
the vast majority of us as men want only to treat a good woman
right.
We're all about being her hero.
But tragically, more good, decent men just like you than ever before
have simply given up...thinking that meeting real, live women just
isn't worth the trouble OR the perceived risk of "bothering" them.
Some guys have even commented on my own blog and elsewhere
that they've actually trained themselves to stop noticing women
altogether.
But meanwhile, the truth has been hiding in plain sight.
Despite all of the negative media, it's still true (and always will be)
that women WILL follow the lead of a man who has their best
interests in mind, and they'll LOVE him for it.
Even high quality women themselves are left shaking their heads.
They have NO IDEA what to do...except wait...and hope...that a
great man like you will rise above the fray and boldly turn her on.
That can ONLY mean that they're depending on YOU to sort all
of this out...and FAST:
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You know how much I harp on how women view masculine leadership
much in the same way as kitties view Little Friskies.
It makes them, well...a little frisky.
On the other hand, you also know that if you come off as needy
it's pretty much the kiss of death.
Desperation is just not attractive to anyone.
So this presents a problem.
The simple act of what's commonly known as "asking a woman out"
could land you on either end of the spectrum of attractiveness.
When executed to perfection it demonstrates the kind of leadership
a woman will gladly follow (i.e. say "yes" to).
But when done incorrectly, it makes women RUN AWAY...if "politely".
So what's the difference?
Simply this. Most of the time how things turn out is contingent
upon the expected outcome.
When you approach her or call her up are you expecting her to say
yes?
If so, you'll step up and boldly tell her you'd like to make plans
with her instead of beating around the bush.
You'll suggest where to go and when to meet instead of sheepishly
asking her what she'd like to do and if it's okay if maybe you join
her, as long as she's not too busy with something else.
And importantly, if she gives you any "resistance" in the name of
her own wish to keep from looking desperate, you'll see it for what
it is instead of taking it personally.
You'll reassure her that it would be fun to see each other rather
than backing down...or worse, begging.
Similarly, if she says she "can't make it" at the time you suggest
you don't grasp at straws trying to float a "counter offer".
You take a deep breath, relax, and tell her "that's too bad". And
you leave room in the conversation for her to volunteer a better time.
And because you're confident, you honestly tell her whether that
time works for you or not because you realize playing games is a
poor excuse for genuine confidence.
Finally, when you DO have plans in place, you casually but clearly
mention that you are a man of your word and that you WILL be there
on time and you respect women who do likewise.
You don't hurry up and "quit while you're ahead", hoping and
praying she doesn't flake out on you.
Come to think of it, isn't it crazy how often women flake out when
that's precisely what you're fearing will happen?
Meanwhile, when you are firm about your plans and stop worrying
about whether she'll show up or not, she usually does, doesn't she?
And thinking about the scenario as a whole, did you take your time
to decide whether or not you actually like her, or did you lose
patience and rush into asking her out before you really should have?
That can surely have an impact on whether things go one way or the
other as well.
So yes...in a very real way, it's YOU who decides whether you're
going to be successful at getting a date with her or not.
Now sure, some women may have their own reasons for declining.
And there are other women who might even go out with you regardless
of the mistakes you make.
Everyone is an individual, so every specific situation is as unique
as a snowflake.
But having read what I revealed to you today, why not focus more on
leading rather than begging and watch the pattern that ensues?
The tangible difference in outcome compared to what you've become
used to might astonish you.
And from there, keep up the good work when you're actually with her
on that date.
Don't timidly ask if she likes you and/or if she'd really like to go
somewhere else (of her choosing).
Have a plan for the evening and boldly make it happen.
Make suggestions rather than asking her for permission.
And when the time is right, take her home--leaving her wanting more.
Leadership beats neediness every single time, and at every phase of
your relationship with a woman...but you've got to have a solid
awareness of what it genuinely looks like.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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