[X&Y] The Worst Thing That Can Happen When You Approach Her
Published: Tue, 02/27/24
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IN THIS EDITION: What's the worst rejection
you've ever faced? Can you remember?
=====
Masterclass For Men: How To Be Interesting
Tomorrow Night, February 28th at 8p EST (GMT -5).
Will you get the girl or will some other
guy? The #1 factor at play there is
her INTEREST level.
In a world where everybody is
sitting around with their noses
buried in their smartphones...
...most people are more BORING
than ever...
...even as they're passively waiting
to be entertained.
And WOMEN are usually the most
BORED ones of all.
The first man who steps up and
dares to be INTERESTING has
an unbeatable advantage that
most guys are voluntarily handing
over.
So how do you do that?
Your first thought may be of the
Dos Equis commercials. But you're
not THAT guy (and nor SHOULD
you be, as you'll discover tomorrow
night).
The true secrets to being a
genuinely interesting man who
others can't get enough of are
sometimes counter-intuitive...
...but they're actually simple and
pretty easy.
How To Be Interesting
What you'll discover in tomorrow
night's Masterclass For Men is this
isn't something you HAVE to do, it's
something you GET to do:
Here's just SOME of what's going
to be covered:
* 12 practical factors that make a man interesting
* 19 ways most men lose women's interest
* 11 cool ways to supercharge how interesting you are
* The "Golden Rule Of Being Interesting"
* How to avoid being generic without having to be weird
* Why shameless "self-promotors" get away with it
* Be irresistible to women...even if you're not an "alpha stud"
* How to be WAY more interesting than the Dos Equis guy
* Can being a shy guy actually be an advantage?
* How to be truly "mysterious" in the best way possible
* Genius conversation tips that tantalize women
The rewards are great...and it's
incredibly fun to be the most
interesting man people know.
Men respect you, and women
WANT you.
No more disappearing in a
faceless crowd.
No more wondering why the
second date didn't happen.
From now on, captivate women
and access the social circles
you want to be in.
See the entire list of what will
be covered and grab your ticket
or this action-packed (and exciting,
of course) Masterclass here:
Tomorrow Night, February 28th at 8p EST (GMT -5).
Will you get the girl or will some other
guy? The #1 factor at play there is
her INTEREST level.
In a world where everybody is
sitting around with their noses
buried in their smartphones...
...most people are more BORING
than ever...
...even as they're passively waiting
to be entertained.
And WOMEN are usually the most
BORED ones of all.
The first man who steps up and
dares to be INTERESTING has
an unbeatable advantage that
most guys are voluntarily handing
over.
So how do you do that?
Your first thought may be of the
Dos Equis commercials. But you're
not THAT guy (and nor SHOULD
you be, as you'll discover tomorrow
night).
The true secrets to being a
genuinely interesting man who
others can't get enough of are
sometimes counter-intuitive...
...but they're actually simple and
pretty easy.
How To Be Interesting
What you'll discover in tomorrow
night's Masterclass For Men is this
isn't something you HAVE to do, it's
something you GET to do:
Here's just SOME of what's going
to be covered:
* 12 practical factors that make a man interesting
* 19 ways most men lose women's interest
* 11 cool ways to supercharge how interesting you are
* The "Golden Rule Of Being Interesting"
* How to avoid being generic without having to be weird
* Why shameless "self-promotors" get away with it
* Be irresistible to women...even if you're not an "alpha stud"
* How to be WAY more interesting than the Dos Equis guy
* Can being a shy guy actually be an advantage?
* How to be truly "mysterious" in the best way possible
* Genius conversation tips that tantalize women
The rewards are great...and it's
incredibly fun to be the most
interesting man people know.
Men respect you, and women
WANT you.
No more disappearing in a
faceless crowd.
No more wondering why the
second date didn't happen.
From now on, captivate women
and access the social circles
you want to be in.
See the entire list of what will
be covered and grab your ticket
or this action-packed (and exciting,
of course) Masterclass here:
You'll be amazed by how many
different laughably simple ways
you can be irresistibly intriguing
immediately...starting Thursday
morning.
=====
APPROACHING WOMEN: IS THIS AS BAD AS IT GETS?
How big a deal is the whole idea of approaching women without fear
of rejection? Well, it's pretty massive.
So much so that almost invariably whenever I write about
anything other than that, I get at least one e-mail or comment to
the effect of, "Yeah, but...you didn't tell us how to meet women
and deal with rejection."
Well, this time I don't plan on getting any such messages. That's
because today we're going to hit that most sensitive of subjects.
And guess what? I've actually discovered a whole new angle on it
that I don't believe has ever been discussed before.
You see, I've noticed that the vast majority of what's written
about pickup says pretty much the same thing. It's all about
finding some cool tactic to overcome "approach anxiety" and then
avoid "rejection".
Some of the better teachers of the craft are astute enough to focus
on how to encourage women to actually LIKE you rather than to
simply avoid getting shot down.
For my part, I've said in The Man's Approach and elsewhere that
"approach anxiety" isn't something to be conquered so much as
channeled into the kind of anticipatory energy you'd feel anytime
you're about to do something exciting.
To completely lose the "butterflies" when given the imminent
opportunity to meet a new and amazing woman would mean you
should probably check your pulse.
I'm also either well-known or notorious, depending on how you
look at it, for claiming that "rejection" is a myth.
Now more than ever I firmly believe that we as men tend to turn a
simple conversation with a woman into a competition when we
pre-approve her before even approaching her.
If we'd simply talk to her before deciding we want her so bad,
we'd be giving her nothing to actually "reject"...right?
Well, even though what I just said makes perfect sense, in the
existential world there are still some guys who either can't or
won't take those ideas and run with them.
Despite understanding at the philosophical level, they still will
not go face the fear and see what happens.
All the pep talks and "rah-rah speeches" are of no avail.
So right here, right now I'm going to give you another potential
avenue for finding a breakthrough. And "breakthrough" might be
the perfect word to describe it.
That's because instead of trying to GET OVER "approach anxiety"
and AVOID "rejection", I'm going to suggest what may be the
unthinkable: I'm going to tell you to plow right through it...like
a semi through a brick wall.
Now, just to be clear. I'm not suggesting that you go do something
crazy just to make sure some self-respecting woman shoots you
down hard. Not at all.
I'm simply suggesting that you give YOURSELF permission for the
interaction not to turn out as you'd ideally like for it to.
There, I said it. Yes...I want you to take the risk once and for all
and go for it, regardless of the outcome.
"Well, McKay...that sounds about as simplistic and downright
Pollyanna-ish as possible. Thanks for nothing!"
Hold on a second. This isn't "nothing".
It's a very big "something", especially if you're one of the countless
guys reading this who has NEVER actually gone up to a woman and
met her because you're afraid of "rejection".
What I'm saying is that instead of holding anything less than
getting exactly what you hope for out the interaction as some sort
of social disaster with potential long-term ramification, that you
see it for what it is.
And what it is is not all that bad, after all. Whatever your analytical
mind has conjured up as the biggest nightmare imaginable is
probably overblown.
For example, women just don't go around throwing drinks in the face
of perfectly decent guys. I mean, have you ever actually SEEN that
happen in the real world? If on the odd chance you DID, level with
me--the guy must have genuinely deserved it.
One sales video lately (that I have NOT sent to you) starts with a
"true" story of a guy getting friggin' arrested and spending the night
in jail just because he said "hello" to a woman at Trader Joe's.
I can solemnly promise you that will NEVER happen. Even if in the
extremely rare event she blows a gasket over someone being friendly
to her, nobody is going to drag you away in handcuffs. I mean...think
about it.
Nevertheless, it's no wonder men are so horrified to meet women.
What we're talking about here is THE single biggest difference
between guys who approach women all the time and guys who go
home and rub one out thinking about the hottie they admired from afar
earlier this morning: They actually go MEET women.
Once you really, actually go and approach a woman, your psychology
on the whole matter WILL change. You'll look at it from a whole
new perspective.
That's because no matter what happens, you're going to live. In
fact, you'll most likely not even walk away with a limp. You'll be
FINE.
Who knows? The next woman you talk to may even adore you and
giggle her head off while twirling her hair around. In that case,
the biggest "injury" you'll face will be the self-inflicted one
when you kick yourself for missing out on so much for so many years.
I've seen this happen countless times during Ten-Plus Live weekends
in- field with guys, even though I've NEVER seen a rude rejection...
ever.
That demands this question: Even if she ISN'T interested in you, how
bad can it possibly end for you?
If you actually HAVE approached women here and there, I ask you
this: What's the biggest, hairiest "rejection" you've ever had to
deal with it?
Can you even remember? If so, can you actually look back on it and
sort of find humor in it?
Like I said, you LIVED.
And in the real world it doesn't take much field testing to quickly figure
out that every approach isn't going to look so much like the worst
you've encountered, let alone the worst you've imagined.
If she's married, a lesbian, just passing through or otherwise
unavailable then none of that is your fault. She'll simply be respectful
in telling you she really can't continue talking to you.
Even if you're not exactly her type, she's probably not going to
hammer you with a line-item validation of every limiting belief
that has ever choked away your confidence.
And even if she DID--which is overwhelmingly unlikely--you can bet
that's HER problem. Who can be that flat-out rude to someone in
this life and still be worth getting to know?
Chances are overwhelmingly in your favor that if you present yourself
as a "normal" guy who respects her space and doesn't get sexually
pushy on her from the get-go, you'll have a nice conversation with her.
And in the event you're really NOT her type, that's actually okay.
NOBODY is EVERYBODY'S "type" anyway. She does NOT speak on
behalf of all women, so get over yourself.
Okay, there...I think I've covered it. That's as BAD as it gets.
Seriously.
Now I want you to give an honest thought to the nature of the fear
that's been holding you back from meeting women and getting their
numbers. The very worst thing that can happen really, truly is
that she might not be interested in getting to know you better.
If that's the outcome, you haven't been "beaten by a girl" or
anything like that, especially if you've not pre-approved her as
some sort of goddess.
In fact, you've WON no matter what. The vast majority of other
guys wouldn't have even talked to her--out of the same fear that
once held you back. You're already way ahead of the pack by
simply showing up.
Guys, guys, guys. These women are NOT going to hurt you, though.
They don't even want to, unless they're stark raving psychopaths
anyway.
In fact, time after time I've talked to various women about
"approach anxiety" and almost all of them say the same thing.
"Really? Are guys really that scared of us? I mean, we're
GIRLS...why would any guy be afraid of a girl?"
Funny thing about truth. No matter how basic it seems in
retrospect, at times it just sort of jumps out from behind a bush
and yells "boo", doesn't it?
So go ahead and for once in your life give it a shot. Embrace that
fear and DO THIS THING.
Do it in the name of conquering YOURSELF and your own fears
rather than seeing the chick as the "conquest".
Maybe that's the most valuable mindset shift of all.
Yes, I did went through this very rite of passage myself. And for
sure I've had some women I'd would have loved to get to know
decline the offer over the years.
Neither I nor anyone else (man OR woman, actually) is immune to
that. It's true. Even as women have passed on me here and there,
I've also said "thanks, but no thanks" so some great women who
showed interest but who just weren't my type.
And I'm still here. I'm still in one piece. This despite the
inevitable setbacks that happened, some of which really were
bummers.
But if I could somehow introduce you to all the women who DID seize
the opportunity to get to know me--all because I went for it and met
them--your jaw would drop.
As it turns out, those women who weren't so excited about me really
DIDN'T speak for the entire female gender. Boom.
You don't need me to tell you that things ultimately ended well for
me. But it's that journey I've traveled with both hits AND misses
that makes me so passionate these days about imparting the courage
to you to step up and go meet some women yourself.
I can see that light at the end of the tunnel, even if you're not
so sure it's there. You can do this...and as soon as you do, you'll
realize you should have LONG ago.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Some of you may have read this and were a bit angered by it,
especially if you already have been approaching women and every
single one of them hasn't seemed interested.
First off, please know that this newsletter wasn't really for you
in particular. I applaud your courage in meeting women, and I
realize it's tough to have success elude you.
I want you to know, however, that you really have gotten through
the hardest part...which is what I talked about above. Now, I can
promise you that it's simply a matter of fine-tuning your approach
so that you get the more favorable responses you're looking for.
I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you can look
yourself in the mirror and claim you've come off as a reasonably
well-adjusted man to these women and haven't been creepy, weird or
pushy then there may be a somewhat unique hidden detractor that's
holding you back.
Since each person is an individual, I've been around the block
enough to know a newsletter isn't going to solve that. If you
really want to get past it, it's time to work with me personally.
Drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com.
I've pretty much seen it all at this point, and yes...I've had to
clear out a few such hidden detractors of my own over the years.
I'm sure glad I did, so you can count on my respect for having the
desire in your own right to rise above it.
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