[X&Y] What To Do With Single Moms

Published: Thu, 02/29/24



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WHAT'S INSIDE:   Are you open to dating single moms?  Whether you
are or are not, that's fine.  But if you are, read this....

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WHAT TO DO WITH SINGLE MOMS


I've been reading quite a bit lately about the "dangers" of dating
single moms.

Granted, if a woman is looking specifically for a guy who can be
thrust into the "father figure" role for her children as soon as
possible--complete with the financial responsibility to match--I
can understand the concern.

But if you'll pardon the pun, I'm not personally ready to throw the
baby out with the bathwater just yet.

Now, that may be because I was a single dad myself when I was
dating.

Being a single parent oneself has an impact on how one views
women who are also single parents.

The judgmental tone and talk of "baggage" that is typical of 
guys before they become fathers themselves tends to fade away.

But all of that aside, the simple truth is that in my dating experience
I often found single moms to be gems.

For starters, they were not necessarily the desperate types some guys
suppose they are.

No doubt I had high standards, but all of the single moms I met and
dated were quite desirable and had earned the right to be choosers
rather than chasers. They had options and were picky.

But more significantly, they also had some very real depth to their
character that only being a mom can bring about.

Perhaps changing diapers and cleaning up messes strips away some
of the shallowness that tends to accompany the "kid-free" years.  

But there's no doubt that single moms really have seen it all.
As such, they tend to be ready to meet the real you, and in turn
tend to put up less of a front themselves.

If you value responsibility and maturity in a woman, look no
further than a single mom.

Next, as a single dad, I was a bit surprised by the number of childless
women who were unfazed by my fatherhood. I could go out with
as many as I could handle.

But wow...single moms all but rolled out the proverbial red carpet
for me.

Since axe murderers typically don't end up with custody of their
five-year-old daughters, it was as if single moms instinctively
knew I was safe to hang out with.  

This cut down on the "games" that lots of us guys usually have to
deal with up front in the dating world.

But the coolest part of hanging out with single moms was that both
she and I knew that the other "got it". We could relate to each
other's situation and share information about parenting, which was
a great rapport-builder.  

That's why from almost the very beginning of my journey of dating
after divorce, I found myself preferring to go out with single moms.

Without a doubt, getting a chance to see a woman's motherly
instincts in action serves as a fantastic preview into what it's
like to experience life with her.  Is she loving, giving and
patient towards her children?  

Or does she act rashly out of anger towards them, often levying
unreasonable discipline? Is there any discipline at all?   

Take a close look, because this is what a long-term relationship
with her could look like.

As with any other woman you'll meet, you've got to evaluate a
single mom's overall compatibility with you when you start dating
her.  

Be sure to consider that she's got a lot on her plate, and
therefore might not always be available to hang out with you when
you prefer.  

In fact, you'll probably have to be flexible when scheduling
"quality time" with her. It's unreasonable to expect that she'll
prioritize seeing you ahead of her kids needs.

Speaking of "quality time", it's a great idea to avoid hanging out
at her house while she's attending to the kids just to be with
her--regardless of whose idea it is.  

All this will do is allow you two to get into a rut of running
the same old boring routine day after day.

Besides, it's not a good idea to introduce each other to your
respective kids until you know you have a future together. This
usually translates to several months after you've met.

Finally, never should you be "clouded by beauty-vision" as I call
it simply because she looks good. Hey, if you're not into having
some other guy's kids in your life, stay true to that...regardless.

Weigh all the benefits and listen to your logic if you uncover any
deal breakers. That way, you'll never, ever settle.
 

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