[X&Y] How To Be Picky Without Ending Up Dateless
Published: Sat, 03/02/24
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WHAT'S INSIDE: If you are a man who deserves what he wants, you
deserve to be picky. But wait a minute...are you being picky for the
RIGHT reason or for the WRONG one? Here's the simple way to tell...
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HOW TO BE PICKY WITHOUT ENDING UP DATELESS
Here's a wild guess.
You're sick of hearing the same old mantra from your
friends and relatives over and over:
"You're too picky. You're never going to find a woman who meets
all your requirements!"
Am I right on target?
Man, that's irritating, isn't it? Especially if it's coming from
people who have settled for less than they wanted in their
OWN relationships, right?
I mean, what...are YOU supposed to settle and end up
miserable too?
Well, you know my answer. Absolutely not.
You have every single right to be as selective as you need to be.
You should even have a detailed list of the top traits you desire
in a woman as well as a list of "deal breakers".
I call this concept "proactive pickiness" because you have the
foresight to avoid getting roped into a bad relationship you
never really wanted. Instead, you're actively CHOOSING the partner
you want.
If you're a "big four" man (confident, masculine as women define it,
able to make a woman feel safe and comfortable in your presence,
of strong character) who deserves what you want, the reason for
your selectivity is reasonable indeed.
What often happens, however, is that some people pronounce
themselves to be extremely picky even as they're doing virtually
nothing to be the kind of person that their dream partner will ever
be attracted to.
What's up with that?
Well, there may be some truly delusional souls out there who firmly
believe their selfish will is enough to somehow trick and/or trap
exceptional women into their snare.
But I think there's something more to it.
What it often REALLY comes down to is that same old nemesis we
as men have such a hard time staring down: FEAR OF "REJECTION".
If you have The Man's Approach (and are actually making good use of
it, no less) you've heard me talk about "shyness-induced snobbery".
This is a bizarre principle that comes into play when a man chooses
to completely ignore a beautiful woman, lest he give her the benefit
of knowing he's attracted.
That way, you see, he retains his "oneupmanship" over her as
opposed to giving her any indicator of attraction that she might
potentially use to humiliate him.
But the irony of it all is that those women in such a man's social circle
deem him to be a SNOB, when in reality he was just too shy to make
a bold move toward the very women he desired to be with the most.
As silly as it sounds, I personally suffered from that disorder for
YEARS, and I've heard from a multitude of you who can definitely
relate.
Tragically enough, a dynamic very similar to that is THE major
contributor to the state of becoming "picky" for the WRONG reasons.
That's when what I call "pickiness that prohibits" has kicked in.
On the surface, it merely looks like unreasonable pickiness.
The list of desired traits may be a mile long, typically featuring
plenty of esoteric nonsense that has little to do with real
attraction OR real compatibility (e.g. "we must have the same
favorite movie, 80's hair band and favorite Taco Bell menu item,
etc.)
Or maybe that list is also replete with mutually exclusive
requirements that flat-out defy the laws of physics, chemistry
AND biology.
But what's REALLY happening there is that "extreme pickiness"
is being positioned as a mere excuse to avoid going out and
meeting women.
It's a way to insulate oneself from ANY possibility of "rejection"
by women, all by preventing any situation where "rejection"
could potentially happen to begin with.
And THAT may be what your friends and relatives are so
concerned about when they harp on how "picky" you are.
Both "shyness induced snobbery" AND "pickiness that prohibits"
are like sticking your head in the sand.
In either instance, you're kidding yourself if you think you're
EVER going to meet the woman of your dreams that way.
You're WAY, WAY better off making the bold move to deserve
what you want.
After all, once you see clear progress there you'll feel much
more comfortable meeting great women.
And at that point, as long as the list your newly-transformed
"proactive pickiness" is based on doesn't violate the laws of
science, you'll be richly rewarded.
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