[X&Y] The Secret To Being More Outgoing (That I Had To Learn Personally)

Published: Sun, 03/10/24


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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Have you ever felt like you were practically
invisible in a social situation?

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DO YOU WANT TO BE MORE OUTGOING?


A lot of guys I talk to want to be more outgoing.

Sure, they want to get over any anxiety they have
about meeting women.

But generally speaking, they'd like to be bolder about
approaching strangers at social gatherings...period.

I also hear a lot from guys who feel invisible whenever
they enter a room full of people, and they wish more
people would approach THEM.

Both desires stem from a similar mindset. Most of us
assume everyone ELSE is outgoing, except ourselves.

Well, have I ever got news for you.

They're NOT.

So where does this whole train of thought lead us?

Well, let's say we go to a party where we know hardly
anyone. As usual, nobody approaches us and
introduces themselves. We feel slighted.

But even though that's one of the loneliest feelings in
the world, we're really NOT alone. It's altogether
probable that a whole bunch of other people at that
party feel the same.

If you ever go to a party and people really ARE lining
up to get to know you, it's likely you're either a famous
celebrity...or at least central to the party's whole
purpose.

Notwithstanding those qualifiers, it's exceedingly rare
for ANYONE to break the proverbial ice with someone
they've never met in social situations like that.

When they do, you're grateful they did...and you take
notice.

It's a memorable event, isn't it?  You feel better
immediately and you think of your new acquaintance
as a wonderful person.

Given the clear benefits, why on Earth aren't more
of us socially proactive?

The answer to that question is as simple as it gets.

Being outgoing is HARD, man.

It is NOT easy to go up to total strangers and risk
looking silly and/or getting "rejected". You already
know that from all the fuss about fear of approaching
beautiful women.

Making small talk with strangers isn't necessarily easier
simply because you're not interested in them sexually.

The other day I was on a coaching call with a guy who
is among those interested in being more outgoing.

We talked about ways to be more social, and I finally
gave him a mission to complete before the next call. I
exhorted him to go out and introduce himself to five
people.

I realized immediately what I was asking for was a lot
more difficult than it sounded. And in that moment, it
also occurred to me that I could personally use a
refresher on being more outgoing myself.

So I made a pact with the guy. I'd be accountable for
the VERY SAME assignment.

I had a wine tasting event to go to that very night,
and pledged I'd proactively meet five people while
there.

Well, I made good on that. But I'll tell you, every
person I introduced myself to was a bit surprised, at
least at first.

Sooner than later, however, I got into some
interesting conversations and realized there were
some fascinating people around me.

You know what? Being outgoing was GREAT. I met
cool people, and they thought I was cool in return.

So why don't we ALL do more of that sort of thing?

I really think it comes down to fear. And that fear is
largely irrational.

If we want to stop feeling alone and invisible at
parties, it's time to be proactive, considering most
people aren't as outgoing as we think they are.

We're not being singled out and ignored on purpose.

Really...there's nothing wrong with us.

With that out of the way, it's then up to us to defy
conventional wisdom and take the risk of introducing
ourselves.

Yes, it's HARD.  But knowing that it's truly difficult
for most everyone should empower you to be
different.

The rewards for your boldness are manifold,
including making friends and influencing people.

Plus, you get to join a very exclusive fraternity of
truly outgoing people.

 

P.S. Want the whole story on this subject? There's an entire
full-length audio devoted to it in Invincible. It's Core Audio #9,
"The Social Charisma Of A Winner"


https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/invincible-subs


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