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6 LESSONS FROM THE FIELD ON
APPROACHING WOMEN


I still get a huge adrenaline rush
every time a guy flies in for a live,
on-site weekend of coaching with
us here in San Antonio.

At the baseline level, there’s the
rush of setting the example first
(aka "doing demos")…paving the
way to potential success for the
guy who’s trusted me enough to
put me to work for him.

Then comes the thrill of watching
a man go from good to great at
approaching women and creating
attraction over the course of a
weekend…possibly finding out
what that feels like for the first
time EVER.

But there’s also something else
that energizes me.

As much as I’m immersed in all
things related to male/female
attraction on a daily basis, I still
learn a TON every time I’m
in-field with a student.

Some times what I learn is ALL
NEW. Other times I get to witness
a striking, real-life example of
why a certain strategy really
works.

Either way, it’s amazing and a lot
of fun.

Below are a half-dozen noteworthy
points from one such Ten-Plus Live
weekend.

I trust it will benefit to you as you
interact with women on a day-to-
day basis.

And if you've been "on the fence"
about coming to San Antonio for
a Ten-Plus Live of your own, it
could energize you to go for it.


1) What You Need To Know About
Meeting Women At The Book Store


You’ve heard that bookstores are great
places to meet women, and I agree.

There’s one major caveat, however—
and one I never knew about until this
weekend.

Guess what? The next time you get
blown out at Barnes and Noble, it may
not have been about you at all.

Apparently, every multi-level marketer
in the “get rich quick” world spends
his or her time prowling bookstores
on Saturday afternoon stalking people.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

During debriefings after approaches
my friend made, I spoke to at least two
women who expressed they were
reticent to talk to ANYONE at a
bookstore because of that.

Interestingly, they both STILL were
enchanted by the conversation my
friend had with them, so this isn’t
exactly a “deal breaker”.

The takeaway here is to pick an
aisle other than the one with all the
business books, and choose an
opener other than, “Hey, it looks like
you’d like to make some extra money
on the side too, huh?”

All told, that should be relatively
simple to avoid.


2) The Stronger And More “Independent”
She Is, The More She Wants You To Lead


We noticed a pair of female friends
sitting at the bar, one of whom appeared
to be particularly strong-willed and
confident.

You know the type.

Lots of grandiose hand gestures and
perpetually projecting the kind of body
language that screams “Yeah, right”.

After my friend had a conversation with
the pair that clearly engaged them
effectively, I followed up to ask them
how they think it went.

The one with the strong personality,
who looked a lot like Pink, blurted out,
“Why didn’t he just tell me to give him
my number? We want a man who tells
us what to do.”

Seizing the opportunity to explore that
one, she went on to spout this gem:

“The next time a guy takes me out on
a date and asks me what I want to do,
I’m going to tell him to drop me off at
the Walgreen’s [drug store] because
I’m out of tampons.”

Isn’t it interesting how we as guys tend
to think we ought to yield MORE to
strong-willed women rather than LEAD
more?

You’ve got to give women a man they
can respect, and the stronger of a
personality she is the more frustrated
she probably is by the men she’s been
meeting lately.

Count on it…and step up to the plate
accordingly.


3) If You Say You’re Sorry, She’ll
Agree With You


One of my soapboxes is how women
are hard-wired to follow our lead as men.

If the point above demonstrates that, this
one whacks it upside the head with a
shovel.

Simply put, if you open a conversation
with a woman with something to the
effect of, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
you’ve already stacked the deck against
yourself.


4) Why Downplaying Your Interest Is
Actually An Insult


We tend to think the best course of action
when approaching a woman is to downplay
why we’ve shown up in her airspace.

But least one time this past weekend my
friend had to work to recover from exactly
that kind of opener.

All he had said was that he was getting
bored, so he decided to start a conversation.

Let’s just say that women don’t want to be
the solution to your boredom. They actually
WANT you to be interested in them.

They WANT to know they captured your
attention for real.

Imagine that…for many women it’s not
only okay to express to them in some subtle
way that you were attracted, it’s
PREFERABLE.

Obviously, however, keep it simple. Don’t
pre-approve them as the new mistress of
your universe. That’s worse than being
bored…that’s just boring.


5) A “Hybrid” Of Direct And Indirect
Game Is Virtually Unstoppable


How about this? Instead of debating
whether or not “direct” or “indirect” game is
the best way to go, consider using what I
an only call a “hybrid” of the two.

We got more than our fair share of the usual
feedback from women that they inherently
KNOW what is going on when a guy
approaches them.

Beating around the bush only betrays a low
level of confidence.

But then again, saying something like, “I
saw you from across the room and had to
meet you” does indeed come off as a bit
too strong for some women.

I’ve personally had great success with the
latter type of approach, but yes…you really
do have to gauge what the woman’s
personality type is going to be like before
starting the conversation in order decide
whether or not you can pull that off.

And that, of course, isn’t always the easiest
thing to do.

The disarmingly simple truth is this. If you
open with a confident line that conveys the
right amount of energy, all the while not
hiding AT ALL the fact that you were
intrigued enough to come introduce
yourself, things are WAY more likely to end
well for you.

This concept has proven itself over and
over again.

An example from this weekend would be
when we approached two women at a
booth in a restaurant and casually
mentioned to them that we were the self-
appointed managers in charge of making
sure everyone was having a good time.

When they laughed and began telling us
how everything was, we told them that
was great, but really we had just wanted t
o meet them.

The combination of playful banter and
unabashed confidence won them over
with breathtaking speed.

Emily and I turned away and started
dancing together, leaving my friend to
bask in the glory of this one. Nice job.


6) Stop Fearing Whether She Is Married
Or Not


You know how the classic excuse goes.

We talk ourselves out of approaching a
woman because, “What if she’s married or
has a boyfriend?”

Here it is:  T DOESN’T MATTER. At least
not as far as getting “rejected” is
concerned.

Why not?  Because if you approach a
woman the right way, it’s JUST A
CONVERSATION…at least at first.

As it turns out, at least 50% of the women
my friend approached all weekend were
NOT single. And yet, every one of those
women still engaged in conversation.

EVERY ONE of them.

But here’s the crazy part. At least a few of
them smiled, nodded, leaned in and
played with their hair. Whatever attraction
looks like, they exhibited it.

If you really have to find something to
worry about in order to stay warm at night,
concern yourself with what you’re going to
do when you’ve flat-out enchanted a woman
enough that she really, seriously WOULD
go out with you…and THEN you find out
she’s married.

That’s far more likely to be a well-founded
concern than getting shut out from the get
go. I’m telling you, there are A LOT of
frustrated wives out there, gentlemen.


All told, we had visited Barnes and Noble,
a killer outfitter store, Target, a restaurant
noted for employing particularly sexy
waitresses and even the grocery store
during the daytime.

At night, we warmed up by singing karaoke
in front of the gnarliest audience in town…
just to feel the love.

Then we progressed from a well-lit and
very social bar to an equally friendly Irish
pub.

After successfully meeting and enthralling
two or three women at a time at those types
of places it was time for the ultimate test.

We invited one of Emily’s attractive single
friends along and we went to the two most
notorious upscale hangouts for single people
in town.

You know them well: The AMOG-infested
shark tanks with a granite bar, Chimay on
tap and Italian sports cars littering the
parking lot.

Same results. You can add a seventh
bullet point to the list above. Self-absorbed
d-bag rich guys are a turn off—even to
the women who showed up because they
thought they might like to get asked out
by one.

My friend from out of town RULED. He
and Emily’s friend even ended up getting
along VERY nicely. Go figure.

After pulling an all-nighter culminating in
the standard “Breakfast Debriefing” over
chorizo and egg tacos at Chacho’s around
4.30 am or so, it was time to hit the airport.

The last thing I said to him as we were
pulling into San Antonio International was
this.

“OK, man. You’re on a run of having
successfully talked to fifteen women or
groups of women IN A ROW—I counted.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have
your confidence HARD WIRED by now.
But just in case, here’s the first thing to do
once you get out on your own this morning.
Talk to at least one woman here in this
airport, and another when you change
planes at DFW.”

I looked over and he was sound asleep
…exhausted.

I laughed, and continued out loud, “Alright,
you talked me into it. You get a ‘Mulligan’
here. But at DFW for sure.”

He caught his plane on time…and all was
good in the universe. As I drove away, I
was reminded of why I have the greatest
ob in the world…again.

When I got home I cracked a Shiner Bock
and watched the 7am SportsCenter. I
couldn’t sleep.

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