[X&Y] His Fiancee Was In Bed With His Best Friend (Letter From A Woman)

Published: Sat, 03/30/24



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IN THIS EDITION: Is the cheater still in
control?

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LETTER FROM A WOMAN


Dear Scot,

Thank you so much for all the emails I receive from you guys.

I have one problem Scot, the thing is I am stuck. I have known this
one guy in my area for about six months or so, he is a good guy and
once in a while we chat but that's just it.

I know he likes me because he really pays attention to me and calls
me at least twice a week. The problem is that last year a week before
his wedding he found his fiancee to be in bed with his best friend.

That really upset him and their wedding was called off. Sometimes he
can be so aloof but how do I get really close to him because he seems
very cautious at times?


Rita (Parts Unknown)



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Hello Rita:
 
Ah yes...another example of the type of emails that have been
showing up in our inbox more often than ever lately.
 
I call them the "How We'd Love To Have A Word With The One
You're Complaining About" type of emails.
 
Clearly your friend has had a traumatic experience.  It continues
to torture him to the core, as evidenced by how he appears to be
projecting a deep level of inherent mistrust upon the women he
meets nowadays (e.g. you).
 
That, of course, is unfair.  After all, his (former) best friend (who is
male, I assume?) was involved in the infraction also.  Yet I'm sure he
still trusts himself, a fellow male.

So how come, then, that certain men (e.g. him) can be considered
trustworthy despite his "best friend's" actions, even as his
ex-fiancee's actions are believed to somehow reflect on all women?
 
Yes.  I'd love to have a word with your friend.  Maybe share some
life experiences.  Explain that there are some amazing and perfectly
trustworthy women out there (of which you may very well be one).

Perhaps I'd tell him that he'll continue to attract and settle for
untrustworthy women in his world as long as that is who he expects
to show up.  

Then I'd likely exhort him that life is way too short to let this
former fiancee control him to the degree she still is.

That last one would be a wake-up call, wouldn't it?  Boy howdy.
 
Or, on the other hand, maybe I'd just slap his wrist and get him to
stop leading on a nice woman like you with a bunch of contrived lines
designed to hold you at bay until he finds someone he likes more.  
 
I guess I'd have to make the judgment call on which direction to go
sometime into our little talk.
 
But the truth is I didn't get the email from him.  I got it from you.  
 
So my answer for you is much less complicated and even more
pragmatic:  You aren't going to change him.  

You deserve a man who is--let's see...what's the term women typically
use?  Ah yes..."emotionally available"--which this one isn't.  

Now go deserve what you want.  And remember, part of deserving is
recognizing who you deserve.
 
And now, even though this is unusual, let's go ahead and answer a
second question in one e-mail, just because I couldn't resist.



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ATTACK OF (OR ADVICE OF?) THE CLONES


Scot:

My friend told me about your site.  I read it, started listening to
The Mountain Top [Ed. Note:  There's a brand new episode out,
by the way.] and some of the other audio lessons too.  I like what
you have to say.  

I have to wonder though, how you are able to answer e-mails, be
available for phone calls, and come up with audio interviews
including Power Sessions?  

Are you sure it's only you (and Emily)?  Are there 3 Scot McKays?


Frank (Kansas City, MO)



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Nope Frank, there really is only one of me.  Having seen Multiplicity
with Michael Keaton a few years back I decided cloning is out of
the question.

Here's the simple truth.  It's generally accepted that waking up
every morning excited about one's work is as good as it gets.
 
Well, there are some days where I've woken up the day before
excited about my job...and haven't gone to bed yet.

That said, nowadays we have a super effective team of people who
take care of a lot of our daily operations, technical bits and
artistic pieces.  That frees me up to talk to guys like you.
 

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