=====

WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever been duped by a woman into
believing YOU were the problem...but deep down you're almost
sure that the problem is HERS?

=====

 

COMPLETE YOUR COLLECTION

For the next few days only, I’ve activated the Complete
Your Collection promo.

This is perfect if you already have a few programs and and
have some newfound time to dive into more.

Complete Your Collection allows you to select the programs
you don't have yet for a full 62% off each.

Plus, this time I’ll light up your Member's Portal with Deserve
What You Want, Cook For Your Date and How To Manage
Your Wildly Successful Dating Life FREE when you snap up
three or more programs.

This is easy to get done...no coupon codes are required.

All the details are here:

Complete Your Collection



=====



LETTER FROM A READER


Hey Scot,

I'd been seeing this gal I was rather fond of but made some
tactical errors along the way.

As I permitted myself to be locked down by a certain woman, I lost
all leadership status and spent the last two months being
emotionally blackmailed by her.

This has been pure misery and underscores the importance of having
dating options and not getting rid of those options because a woman
you're seeing wants to be exclusive.

Furthermore, I learned a valuable lesson in being aware of any
incongruencies. For example, although we were supposed to be in an
exclusive relationship, she didn't behave in a way that I would
expect a committed woman would.

Such as staying the night with me and then lying in bed with me the
next morning texting her guy "friend" co-worker about dinner
plans...this really upset me but I didn't say anything as I didn't
want to appear controlling.

I retrospect this is a violation of what you call The Golden Rule
In Reverse, or TGR-R.
    
This gal would say the most endearing things when we're together
but then needed her "space" and when I tried to make plans with her
she would throw out the "controlling" card and say she's
done...only to come back for sex and start the whole cycle again.

She would say she adores me, loves spending time with me, can't
wait to see me etc., but dare I mention getting together more than
a couple times a week or question this so called "friend" she would
have a melt down.

Any advice/thoughts would be helpful and much appreciated.


Cheers,

Mark (Las Cruces, NM)



=====



Hello Mark and thanks for writing.

I would agree 100% with each of the observations you made.  The
good news is that you've absorbed the experiences and already
have turned them into wisdom for the future.

One angle I would add is that this woman really appears to be a
"controlling" type herself, having locked you down into exclusivity
quickly only to flaunt it before your very eyes.  

A very common modus operandi for such people (men or women) is
to accuse the other partner of what they themselves are clearly doing,
sort of as a pre-emptive strike.
 
It's all kind of reminiscent of a school kid saying, "I know you
are, but what am I?" whenever a peer calls him names.
    
(On a less humorous note, it's also a device used by those who
suffer from certain serious mental illnesses.  Talk about "danger
signs"...)

Anyway, assuming you'll remain passive and choose to avoid conflict,
that effectively takes the issue off the table for discussion indefinitely,
if not forever.

As such, with the fear of being perceived as a "controller" firmly
instilled in his or her partner, the manipulator (her in this case)
can freely, well, "control". 

The buzzword these days for this kind of dynamic is "gaslighting".

It's all about manipulating someone into thinking their behavior
is somehow bad, even as the accuser is the one behaving
badly.

Basically, this messes with the heads of those who are inherently
optimistic and generous...by design

Before you even realize what hit you, you've been had...yet you
somehow stick around anyway, thinking you're the problem.

Obviously, any chance of a mutually beneficial long-term
relationship there is cooked.  It has "dysfunctional" written all
over it.

In the future, the way to mitigate against this is by having
options and limiting your personal emotional investment up front.  

I talk often about how it's unethical to keep women in your life
who are falling in love with you when you already know that you
have no long-term intentions.  

Mostly that's because such women become vulnerable to
manipulation--often to the point of openly and readily expecting it,
and even gladly enduring it.

Now you know first hand that this phenomenon is not gender-specific.

So then, how would a man who's a chooser rather than a chaser
handle all of this?

Well, for starters you wouldn't have agreed to exclusivity so soon.
 
And even if you had, you would have pulled the plug on that
arrangement as soon as it was apparent the design was expressly to
keep you under her thumb.

Similarly, at the first sign of gross violation of the exclusivity
pact, you would have simply informed her that it was no longer in
effect.  Period, end of story.

Only fear of loss causes one's thoughts to turn to how the
relationship can be salvaged in that case.   

But perhaps ironically, literally (but tactfully) kicking her out
of bed and inviting her to get the hell out would have been the
single best way to re-assert masculine control over the situation.

That would have served notice that you can't be walked all over
like a cheap carpet.  

See, the more one passively accepts what's going on, the worse
the problem will get--even as she respects you less and less.

It's ye olde "pushing of the envelope".

Finally, I would add that this particular woman's pattern of
calendar management is the hallmark of a "player"...and yes,
those absolutely do come in the female variety.   

The schedule of your time together was under her control because
a) you let it be, and  b) because she had other guys to fit into it.

Again, in that context she was able to keep you faithful to her
because you didn't want to come off as a "controller", along with
the simple fact that you had greater emotional investment in the
relationship than she did.   

This is the perfect storm for harem creation, regardless of the
gender of the "harem builder".

And now, here is the breathtaking irony of it all.  

Assuming that you would have been okay with continuation of a
casual relationship with this chick (and I admit that's perhaps an
incorrect assumption), you STILL would have been more successful
with her had you boldly moved to show her you were more than willing
to excuse HER from your life before ever excusing her unacceptable
behavior.

For example, had you indeed kicked her out of bed without any drama
and/or any need to elaborate upon what should be a clear reason why,
my edumckayted guess is that she would have come back to you later
with profuse apologies.

To be sure, that's not exactly the healthiest way to conduct a
male/female friendship regardless, but you can see how the dynamic
would have been different nonetheless.

Whoever is chasing is not in control of his or her dating life.  

And regardless of what you may have read in marketing copy
elsewhere, "getting women to chase you" is a dysfunctional
arrangement in its own right.

In a healthy relationship both partners are "choosers", and both
partners are equally grateful for having been chosen by the other.  

Everyone's personal power is dignified, and naturally everyone's
choice is respected.

Before closing, there are a few other points regarding this
particular woman that I'd be remiss if I didn't address.

For starters, as I see it any woman who violates "TGR-R" is skating
on thin ice from the very first infraction.

But to be so flaky as to tell you she's "done" after you've filed
very reasonable grievances is even more troubling.

And to sweep it all under the carpet (and expect carte blanche
acceptance from you) the next time she's horny is the epitome of a
"red flag", if you ask me.

Add it all up, and the longer it all goes on the less you're being
respected...by either her OR yourself.