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IN THIS EDITION: Why do we date a woman for like two
years...only to break up with her eventually anyway?

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=====


 

THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF WOMEN, AND YOU'LL END UP
WITH ONE OR THE OTHER

I like hearing from Match.com. As you know, Emily and I met on
there so I enjoy contributing content to their online magazine and
their blog.

So when I got a call the other day from a freelance journalist who
was writing an article for them, I was happy to take time out and
offer my two cents.

The question she was attempting to cover was a whopper.

"So Scot," she started, "what we want to know is why some men
date a woman for two years, all the while avoiding putting a ring
on her finger. But then, after they finally break up he ends up
engaged to the very next girl he dates within, like, a month.  Why
does that always seem to happen?"

Ha...yeah, it seems like that is indeed the case surprisingly often,
isn't it?

In fact, let me ask you. Have you ever dated someone for at least
a year, but when she started with the pressure to get married, you
just tried to keep her at bay?

A lot of us have.

Well, as I explained what's going on there to the lady on the other
end of the phone she was subtly indignant at first.

But she soon began to realize I was telling it like it is.

You see, the question really doesn't have as much to do with us as
men as the women who are negatively affected by this weird
phenomenon would like to think.

Indeed, you can't really call us "commitment phobes", for example,
if our "phobia" is suddenly cured when the next woman comes
along.

The truth of the matter, for all intents and purposes, is that

there are two types of women.

There are women men want to commit to, and there are others who
men tend to "hang out with" until someone better comes along.

Or to put it in more practical terms, there are women whose
boyfriends hem and haw for years before finally dumping them or
(worse) getting guilt-tripped into marriage.  

Meanwhile, some other women can't go on a third date without every
guy showing up with a diamond ring.

Depending on the woman, she'll either suffer from the problem we're

discussing here repeatedly or never experience it at all.

It's not a guy thing. It's a woman thing.

We as guys tend to be consistent, at least relative to this particular
issue. Steady as an arrow, in fact.

Simply stated, if a woman inspires trust in us, we want to keep her
around.

But if we feel like she's got some sort of double-standard working
or that she's somehow blowing smoke up our kilts sometimes,
we're not going to commit to her.

We're deathly afraid of being humiliated by a woman, and for good
reason. If we suspect she wouldn't be faithful to us and/or be
supportive of our life purpose, we rightfully believe she might let us
down. That would emasculate us.

But hey, if there aren't any other women beating the door down to
be with us, we'll keep such a woman around if the sex is okay. It's

better than being alone or even starting over, at least until the shoe

drops.
 

Needless to say, this is settling. But men do it all the time. Just
don't expect them to go quietly without a fuss to the altar.

Any woman who cannot inspire trust is going to require all the
leverage she can muster to drag her boyfriend there.

But what about the other type of woman?  Every guy she dates
wants to lock her down before some other, luckier guy does.

She is a woman who knows how to be her guy's biggest cheerleader.

She respects him and only has eyes for him.  

She subscribes to the idea that men and women should both be
quality individuals of character.

She doesn't buy the meme that she's a "divine goddess" who can
do no wrong and all men are jerks.

Let's face it, any woman who is initially attractive to guys is likely
cute, friendly and feminine.

But I've just described to you, like I did to the writer for Match.com,
what makes us want to marry a woman rather than simply tolerate
her until a better one comes along.

What does this really all come down to? As usual, it's about
deserving what you want.

Women who are willing to represent what a real man wants in a
woman are marriage material in our eyes. They're givers rather
than takers by nature.

Meanwhile, women who feel entitled to having a boyfriend who'll
give them whatever they want and do whatever they want them
to do despite their own actions are not who we want to commit
to.

By the end of my discussion with the freelance reporter she
confided in me that I was the only dating expert of the several she
had talked to who had given a compelling answer to the question.
 

Indeed. We call out the truth around here, don't we though?

So how about it?  Are you a guy who'll put up with a woman you
don't really want to commit to, or are your standards high enough

to recognize a woman who is a giver and who will appreciate

what you have to offer her?

In order to invite the right kind of women into your life, you'll
absolutely, positively need to be a guy who deserves what he
wants.
 
Are you ready and willing to represent to a woman what she
needs?

Granted, it's a lot easier to be that guy when a woman treats you
right, but the leadership must come from you first.  

Be a man who has a woman's best interests at heart instead of
focusing so much on what you want. You'll be amazed to see that

the women who are givers almost flock to you in return.

Life is truly good when both of you look out for each other first.

The tragic part is that precious few people in this age of self-
absorption and immediate gratification still recognize that basic
truth.

 

=====






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