[X&Y] Are You "Shallow" For Wanting A Physically Beautiful Woman?
Published: Fri, 05/24/24
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IN THIS EDITION: Have you ever been accused of being "shallow" for
caring about a woman's looks too much? Don't give it a second
thought. Here's why...
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ARE YOU "SHALLOW" FOR WANTING A PHYSICALLY
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?
It's common for guys to begin a Ten-Plus coaching program
without a clear idea of what they really want when imagining
their dream woman.
And as you probably know by now, I have a device I call The
Depth Chart that I recommend in such cases.
Essentially, what you do is identify the ten most important factors
to you when it comes to evaluating great woman, assign each factor
ten points, and proceed to (quite literally) grade every woman you
date accordingly.
The Depth Chart is especially effective for helping right-brained
types apply some objective reasoning to the process of choosing
a girlfriend from among multiple emotionally-appealing options.
Although that can sound a bit cold, the only alternative for many
is getting "clouded by beauty-vision".
But that's not to say that I advocate replacing "beauty-vision"
with utter blindness.
Here's what I mean.
The other day, it happened again.
A guy sent back his version of The Depth Chart, and although
there was a fine collection of virtuous traits listed from 1-10,
not a single one of them indicated any concern whatsoever about
how the woman of his dreams might look, let alone whether or
not she'd turn him on sexually in the least.
In fact, his list of ten factors could theoretically be as useful
for vetting guy friends as it was for evaluating women.
Having seen this sort of thing before, I responded as I have in the
past.
"What you've written is terrific, but I just want to make sure
that a woman's looks don't matter at all to you.
In other words, even if she's well outside the boundaries of what
you would consider physically attractive, you'll still be able to
get sexually turned on by her enough to procreate--as long as
she's exemplary in these ten areas you've listed.
Is that correct?"
And as is invariably the case, I got the expected answer.
"Absolutely NOT. I would love for her to be incredibly beautiful
and sexier than I can imagine."
"So then, shouldn't that be reflected in some way in your Depth
Chart?"
"Well, it just seemed SHALLOW of me to say anything about that."
Shallow, huh?
Where did we ever get the idea that desiring a beautiful woman who
makes us sexually excited was shallow?
Probably from a similar place to where women tend to hear that
wanting a man "who can provide for her" is equally shallow.
Listen up. If a woman says she wants a man who can earn a decent
living so that she can be freed up to be a full-time mom and/or
devote herself to supportive, joy-inducing pursuits for the family
that's NOT shallow.
That's how her desires are hard-wired.
She's not necessarily a "gold digger", either.
She probably doesn't require millions of dollars and a calendar
full of "shopping dates".
She'll likely appreciate you for far more reasons than simply
your ability to provide materially.
And usually she'll be perfectly willing to offer her unique,
feminine gifts to you in return...each one guaranteed to enhance
your life immensely.
Similarly, you as a normal, red-blooded man are hard-wired to be
attracted to physically beautiful, sexy women.
Now granted, your idea of exactly what that means may be
dramatically different than what it means to some other guy.
But make no mistake: Unless your intention is purely to use a
woman sexually or to treat her as little more than "arm candy",
your desire for her to be beautiful and sexually attractive is NOT
shallow.
It's simply an integral part of what makes a woman great in your
eyes.
So while you don't want to fill your Depth Chart up exclusively
with body part requirements, it's more than okay to take your dream
woman's looks and sexual attractiveness into consideration.
Even if her mind truly does turn you on (you sapiosexual devil, you),
put that in a different column.
To be sure, logical, objective support can be lifted from biology
and evolutionary psychology for your tendency to favor physically
attractive women.
Certain traits we as men tend to find sexually attractive are
visual indicators of health, strength and fertility. The 7/10
waist-to-hips ratio comes to mind.
So yes, you could defend against being called "shallow" with pure
science, and you'd have a valid case.
But guess what? I think you can sweep all of that under the carpet.
All you really need to do in order to prove once-and-for-all that
you are not "shallow" for caring about a woman's visual sexual
attractiveness is to watch what happens when a man settles.
That's right. And I'm talking about what happens to both the man
and the woman in such cases...especially the woman, in fact.
First of all, wherever the couple goes the man will be ashamed of her,
won't he?
Let's face it: one of the key ways we as men judge each other is
by the women we're with. And hard-wired as we are, that comes down
to what they look like.
So when we show up with a woman who we find unattractive, we feel
flat-out humiliated by her in the presence of our peers.
Show me a man whose social proof is damaged, and I'll show you a
man who will in turn become less confident and therefore less
attractive to the woman he's with.
Do you see the vicious, attraction-killing cycle forming already?
But there's more.
The truth is that every woman wants her man to view her as the most
beautiful woman in the world in his eyes.
Think about it. Even if a woman manages to cajole a guy who's
clearly not attracted to her into a relationship by telling him
he's "shallow" for wanting a woman who's prettier than she is, how
happy is she really going to be?
Will she tolerate his wandering eye during the next trip to the
shopping mall?
Of course she won't. He'll probably get his cranium cracked with a
rolling pin or something.
Why? Because she'll feel humiliated also.
And two humiliated partners do not a great relationship make.
So then, what happens when either of them becomes sexually
frustrated in the least?
Dare I even speak about what happens when she wants to have a
baby and he can't even stomach the thought of having sex with her?
The tragedy here is that based on how subjective looks are anyway,
another guy may have been far better at meeting her overall needs
than the guy who she guilt-tripped out of being "shallow" and into a
relationship with her...had desperation not ruled the day.
Stop and think for a moment how utterly insane that idea is.
The solution is simple. As always, we as men have a golden
opportunity to lead.
Stop being a martyr for some lame representation of political
correctness and admit to yourself--proudly--that you will settle for
nothing less than the complete package when it comes to finding
a great woman.
The bottom line is that she's got to be beautiful and sexually
attractive to you, or even she won't be happy.
No apology is necessary...unless you marry a woman you aren't
particularly attracted to, of course.
It's only then that you'll need to apologize for keeping her from the
guy who would have appreciated her way more than you ever will.
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