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WHAT'S INSIDE:  As promised, here is the
second half of the top ten excuses people
tend to give for dating failure.

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TOP 10 EXCUSES MEN MAKE FOR DATING FAILURE
(PART TWO)


Last time we talked about the first five of the "Top Ten Excuses"
single adults make for dropping out of the dating pool. 

Today we'll cover the second half of the list.  Fair warning--the
bottom half of the list is even more hard-hitting than the first
five, so fasten your seat belts. 

If you are making excuses for dating failure, prepare to be
challenged...in the best possible way.

The first five "excuses" centered around physical limitations,
advanced age, kids, game playing and finances.  Let's continue
where we left off:



6)  Shyness


If words are hard to come by and meeting people is not easy, you
certainly aren't alone.  For better or worse, women still largely
expect men to approach them first, so men especially have to get
around shyness. 

This is probably the #1 excuse men give (along with the next one),
and citing it can only point to one thing:  you simply lack the
guts to go for it. 

Women love men who are confident, and being able to start a
conversation with an attractive woman is a key indicator of this.
So guys, you just have to find the courage to make conversations
happen.  

There are innumerable books and articles written on this elsewhere,
but the best place to start is simply to make conversation with
waitresses, bank tellers and any other women you meet during the
course of daily life.  Once you realize they will be friendly back,
you are on the road to getting over shyness. 

If, on the other hand, you find women are NOT responding well, it's
time to address creepiness--because women will normally respond very
favorably (if not necessarily romantically) to any man who is
friendly and non-threatening.

For you ladies who happen to be reading this, if you find yourself
clamming up when an interesting guy approaches you, the same
concept holds true.  Just treat the conversation as if with anyone
you've already known for years.  Easier said than done, I realize,
but again practice makes perfect.



7)  Fear Of Rejection


Ah yes...the second excuse that men so often make.  Our poor egos
would be sooo bruised if a woman fails to validate us. 

The quickest cure for this is for a guy to begin to view
approaching women as an opportunity to validate HER as a potential
friend rather than a "do or die" referendum on whether she
"accepts" him or not.  That way, there's really no "rejection"
involved, is there? 

The prevailing scenario is--again--that typically women will be
friendly to guys who aren't obnoxious or creepy.  If they are in
fact rude to a guy who approaches, my feeling is that the guy
dodged a serious bullet.  Who wants to get stuck with a rude woman?

Fear of rejection can manifest itself even after a relationship is
rolling.  If we've been "dumped" a few times in a row it's easy to
give up on dating altogether. 

Once again, asking the right questions ASAP in a relationship can
help make sure differences in goals don't show up later.  It's also
important to look in the mirror if we get dumped time and
again--especially if for no apparent reason. 

Are you giving vibes that you might not be trustworthy long term?
Have you become less personable as your "true colors" are shown?
Are you pushing too hard for commitment too early? 

All of these are GREAT reasons to get "dumped".  Make sure you
aren't perpetrating your own revolving-door relationships.



8)  Risk


Schedule a few dates in public places and you'll soon realize that
most of your dates aren't "dangerous"...even the ones you meet online.

After all, you're a guy so this should be less of an issue than it is for
women.

Once such physical risks are mitigated, consider emotional risks
carefully.  If you are afraid of getting hurt consider the types
of people most likely to inflict emotional pain and avoid them.

This means asking the right questions regarding what is expected
out of a relationship and--quite simply--not becoming emotionally
attached to someone with a different agenda. 

Will you ever be able to take all risk off the table?  No.  But
as Tennyson is so often quoted as saying, "'Tis better to have
loved and lost than never to have loved at all." 

Believe that, and you've cured yourself of this excuse, especially
when you realize just how much lower the risk factors can truly
be when the right conversations happen from the beginning.



9)  "No Woman Can Handle Me"


The mantra of smart, successful and/or strong willed women
everywhere is often "no man can handle me".   Some of us as guys
tend to hold onto a similar sentiment...or worse:  "No woman will put
up with me."

The way I see it, you can lump all of this sort of thing into one
big protection mechanism designed with a built-in excuse for not
even bothering to meet anyone. 

Rest assured, if you are decent human being there IS absolutely,
positively not only SOMEONE out there who'll either "handle" you or
"put up with you", but probably a whole multitude of 'em.  So get
over yourself.



10)  Disdain For The Other Sex


Well, I hope that it comes as no surprise that people who really
can't stand the other gender have a tough time finding someone
of that demographic who is willing to enter into a meaningful
relationship with them. 

Women LOVE men who LOVE them first.

When spelled out so clearly it actually sounds silly, doesn't it?
If your sexual orientation is straight yet you don't like women
much, plan on being very lonely until that is dealt with. 

Argue with me if you so choose, but my personal experience is that
people who don't like the other gender are typically hard to get
along with for members of their OWN gender also.  Go figure.
 


Healthy relationships are one of life's greatest gifts.  Everything
we do here at X & Y Communications revolves around that principle.

Instead of giving up in the face of doubt, the better response is
to make the valiant and worthy effort to deserve what you want.

In doing so, the weakness imposed upon us by excuses for
failure are transformed into power by virtue of taking responsibility
for our own success.

Cool, huh?

As I mentioned, this is a three-part series.  But we've covered the
top ten excuses people give for dating failures already, right?  

I believe that there is an even greater specter looming so large
over the lives of many people that the shadow it casts requires a
discussion unto itself.

Its diabolical power to keep people mired  in loneliness will be
exposed and unraveled next time.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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