[X&Y] Lessons From Meeting Women In-Field
Published: Wed, 08/07/24
Updated: Wed, 08/07/24
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: This is what happens
when I take guys out in-field.
=====
CATCH UP ON THE MASTERCLASSES
As of right now, I've held 28 monthly
Masterclasses For Men.
That's 28 completely separate topics on
getting better with women...every one
of them covered COMPLETELY, all in
a single event.
The feedback has been 100% positive.
After all, I make sure NOTHING is left
on the table.
So if you've always wondered what actually
goes on in the Masterclasses...
...or have been to a few in the past and want
to get in on some more...
I've made it so NOW is the best time ever
to do exactly that.
This page contains links to the pages for
every Masterclass held so far...from April
2022 straight through to July 2024:
Catch Up On The Masterclasses
Apart from the breakthroughs taking place, of
course, one of the coolest parts of the whole
phenomenon is that Season Ticket holders have
kind of become the inner circle here at
X & Y Communications.
The Season Ticket gets you EIGHT Masterclasses
at a total of 30% off.
Right now, I'm giving you the ENTIRE Everthing...
And More Package with every Season Ticket.
That's the whole $2425 package that I've offered
as a Black Friday special. All of my downloadable
programs and all the extras are in it:
30% Off Season Ticket + Everything...And More FREE
Don't miss out.
=====
LESSONS FROM MEETING WOMEN IN-FIELD
I still get a huge adrenaline rush every time a guy flies in
for a live, on-site weekend of coaching with me here in
San Antonio.
At the baseline level, there’s the simple “do or die” factor
associated with being the one who’s got to set the example
first…paving the way to potential success for the guy who
has trusted me enough to put me to work for him.
Then comes the thrill of watching someone go from good
to great at approaching women and creating attraction over
the course of a weekend, probably finding out what that
feels like for the first time EVER.
But as much as I’m immersed in all things related to male/
female attraction on a daily basis, I too still learn A TON
every time I’m in-field with a student.
Sometimes what I learn is all new. Other times I get to
witness a striking, real-life example of why a certain
strategy really works.
Either way, it’s amazing and a lot of fun to experience.
Here are a half-dozen noteworthy points that came up
over the course of a recent Ten-Plus Live weekend.
My guess is you may instinctively suspect some of what
follows is true already, but a dose of honest-to-goodness
field-tested feedback can never hurt.
What You Need To Know About Meeting Women At
The Book Store
You’ve heard that bookstores are great places to meet
women, and I agree. There’s one major caveat, however—
and one I never knew about until this weekend.
Guess what? The next time you get blown out at Barnes
and Noble, it may not have been about you at all.
Apparently, every multi-level marketer in the “get rich
quick” world spends his or her time prowling bookstores
on Saturday afternoon stalking people.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
During debriefings after approaches my friend made, I
spoke to at least two women who expressed they were
reticent to talk to ANYONE at a bookstore because of that.
Interestingly, they both STILL were enchanted by the
conversation my friend had with them, so this isn’t exactly
a “deal breaker”.
The takeaway here is to pick an aisle other than the one
with all the business books, and choose an opener other
than, “Hey, it looks like you’d like to make some extra
money on the side too, huh?”
All told, that should be relatively simple to avoid.
The Stronger And More “Independent” She Is, The
More She Wants You To Lead
We noticed a pair of female friends sitting at the bar, one
of whom appeared to be particularly strong-willed and
confident.
You know the type. Lots of grandiose hand gestures and
perpetually projecting the kind of body language that
indicates a sarcastic sense of humor.
After my friend had a conversation with the pair that
clearly engaged them effectively, I followed up to ask them
how they think it went.
The one with the strong personality, who looked a lot like
Pink, blurted out. “Why didn’t he just tell me to give him my
number? We want a man who tells us what to do.”
I seized the opportunity to explore that one, and she went
on to spout this gem: “The next time a guy takes me out on
a date and asks me what I want to do, I’m going to tell him
to drop me off at the Walgreen’s [drug store] because I’m
out of tampons.”
Isn’t it interesting how we as guys tend to think we ought to
yield more to strong-willed women rather than LEAD more?
You’ve got to give women a man they can respect, and the
stronger of a personality she is the more frustrated she
probably is by the men she has been meeting lately.
Count on it…and step up to the plate accordingly.
If You Say You’re Sorry, She’ll Agree
One of my soapboxes is how women are hard-wired to follow
our lead as men. If the point above demonstrates that fact,
this one whacks it upside the head with a shovel.
Simply put, if you open a conversation with a woman with
something to the effect of, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
you’ve already stacked the deck against yourself.
Why Downplaying Your Interest Is Actually An Insult
We tend to think the best course of action when approaching
a woman is to downplay why we’ve shown up in her airspace.
But least one time this past weekend my friend had to work
to recover from exactly that kind of opener.
All he had said was that he was getting bored, so he decided
to start a conversation.
Let’s just say that women don’t want to be the solution to
your boredom. They actually WANT you to be interested in
them. They WANT to know they captured your attention for
real.
Imagine that…for many women it’s not only okay to express
to them in some subtle way that you were attracted, it’s
PREFERABLE.
Obviously, however, keep it simple. Don’t pre-approve them
as the new mistress of your universe. That’s worse than
A “Hybrid” Of Direct And Indirect Approach Is Virtually
Unstoppable
How about this? Instead of debating whether or not “direct”
or “indirect” is the best way to go, why not consider using
what I can only call a “hybrid” of the two?
We got more than our fair share of the usual feedback from
women that they inherently KNOW what is going on when a
guy approaches her. Beating around the bush only betrays
a low level of confidence.
But then again, saying something like, “I saw you from across
the room and had to meet you” does indeed come off as a bit
too strong for some women.
I’ve personally had great success with the latter type of
approach, but yes…you really do have to gauge what the
woman’s personality type is going to be like before starting
the conversation in order decide whether or not you can pull
that off.
And that, of course, isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
The disarmingly simple truth is this. If you open with a
confident line that conveys the right amount of energy, all
the while not hiding AT ALL the fact that you were intrigued
enough to come introduce yourself, things are WAY more
likely to end well for you.
This concept has proven itself over and over again.
An example from this past weekend would be when we
approached two women at a booth in a restaurant and
casually mentioned to them that we were the self-appointed
managers in charge of making sure everyone was having a
good time.
When they laughed and began telling us how everything was,
we told them that was great, but really we had just wanted
to meet them.
The combination of playful banter and unabashed confidence
won them over with breathtaking speed. Emily and I turned
away and started dancing together, leaving my friend to bask
in the glory of this one. Nice job.
You know how the classic excuse goes. We talk ourselves
out of approaching a woman because, “What if she’s married
or has a boyfriend?”
Here it is: IT DOESN’T MATTER. At least not as far as
getting “rejected” is concerned.
Why not? Because if you approach a woman the right way,
it’s JUST A CONVERSATION…at least at first.
As it turns out, at least 50% of the women my friend
approached all weekend were NOT single. And yet,
every single one of those women still engaged in
conversation.
EVERY ONE of them.
But here’s the crazy part At least a few of them smiled,
nodded, leaned in and played with their hair. Whatever
attraction “looks” like, they exhibited it.
If you really have to find something to worry about in order
to stay warm at night, concern yourself with what you’re
going to do when you’ve flat-out enchanted a woman enough
that she really, seriously WOULD go out with you…and THEN
you find out she’s married.
That’s far more likely to be a well-founded concern than
getting shut out from the get go. I’m telling you, there are
A LOT of frustrated wives out there, gentlemen.
All told, we had visited Barnes and Noble, a killer outfitter
store, Target, a restaurant noted for employing particularly
sexy waitresses and even the grocery store during the
daytime.
At night, we warmed up by singing karaoke in front of the
gnarliest audience in town…just to feel the love. Then we
progressed from a well-lit and very social bar to an equally
friendly Irish Pub.
After successfully meeting and enthralling two or three women
at a time at those types of places it was time for the ultimate
test.
We invited one of Emily’s attractive single friends along and
we went to the two most notorious upscale hangouts for
single people in town.
You know them well: The AMOG-infested shark tanks with a
granite bar, Chimay on tap and Italian sports cars littering
the parking lot.
Same results. And you can add a seventh bullet point to the
list above. Self-absorbed d-bag rich guys are a turn off—
even to the women who showed up because they thought
they might like to get asked out by one.
My friend from out of town RULED. He and Emily’s friend
even ended up getting along VERY nicely. Go figure.
After pulling an all-nighter culminating in the standard
“Breakfast Debriefing” over chorizo and egg tacos at
Chacho’s around 4.30 am or so, it was time to hit the
airport.
The last thing I said to him as we were pulling into San
Antonio International was this. “OK, man. You’re on a run
of having successfully talked to more women or groups of
women IN A ROW than I could keep track of.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have your confidence
HARD WIRED by now. But just in case, here’s the first
thing to do once you get out on your own this morning.
Talk to at least one woman here in this airport, and another
when you change planes at DFW.”
I looked over and he was sound asleep…exhausted.
I laughed, and continued out loud, “Alright, you talked me
into it. You get a ‘Mulligan’ here. But at DFW for sure.”
He caught his plane on time, and all was good in the
universe. As I drove away, I was reminded of why I’ve
got the greatest job in the world…again.
When I got home I cracked a Shiner Bock and watched
the 7am SportsCenter. I couldn’t sleep.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
WHAT'S INSIDE: This is what happens
when I take guys out in-field.
=====
CATCH UP ON THE MASTERCLASSES
As of right now, I've held 28 monthly
Masterclasses For Men.
That's 28 completely separate topics on
getting better with women...every one
of them covered COMPLETELY, all in
a single event.
The feedback has been 100% positive.
After all, I make sure NOTHING is left
on the table.
So if you've always wondered what actually
goes on in the Masterclasses...
...or have been to a few in the past and want
to get in on some more...
I've made it so NOW is the best time ever
to do exactly that.
This page contains links to the pages for
every Masterclass held so far...from April
2022 straight through to July 2024:
Catch Up On The Masterclasses
Apart from the breakthroughs taking place, of
course, one of the coolest parts of the whole
phenomenon is that Season Ticket holders have
kind of become the inner circle here at
X & Y Communications.
The Season Ticket gets you EIGHT Masterclasses
at a total of 30% off.
Right now, I'm giving you the ENTIRE Everthing...
And More Package with every Season Ticket.
That's the whole $2425 package that I've offered
as a Black Friday special. All of my downloadable
programs and all the extras are in it:
30% Off Season Ticket + Everything...And More FREE
Don't miss out.
=====
LESSONS FROM MEETING WOMEN IN-FIELD
I still get a huge adrenaline rush every time a guy flies in
for a live, on-site weekend of coaching with me here in
San Antonio.
At the baseline level, there’s the simple “do or die” factor
associated with being the one who’s got to set the example
first…paving the way to potential success for the guy who
has trusted me enough to put me to work for him.
Then comes the thrill of watching someone go from good
to great at approaching women and creating attraction over
the course of a weekend, probably finding out what that
feels like for the first time EVER.
But as much as I’m immersed in all things related to male/
female attraction on a daily basis, I too still learn A TON
every time I’m in-field with a student.
Sometimes what I learn is all new. Other times I get to
witness a striking, real-life example of why a certain
strategy really works.
Either way, it’s amazing and a lot of fun to experience.
Here are a half-dozen noteworthy points that came up
over the course of a recent Ten-Plus Live weekend.
My guess is you may instinctively suspect some of what
follows is true already, but a dose of honest-to-goodness
field-tested feedback can never hurt.
What You Need To Know About Meeting Women At
The Book Store
You’ve heard that bookstores are great places to meet
women, and I agree. There’s one major caveat, however—
and one I never knew about until this weekend.
Guess what? The next time you get blown out at Barnes
and Noble, it may not have been about you at all.
Apparently, every multi-level marketer in the “get rich
quick” world spends his or her time prowling bookstores
on Saturday afternoon stalking people.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
During debriefings after approaches my friend made, I
spoke to at least two women who expressed they were
reticent to talk to ANYONE at a bookstore because of that.
Interestingly, they both STILL were enchanted by the
conversation my friend had with them, so this isn’t exactly
a “deal breaker”.
The takeaway here is to pick an aisle other than the one
with all the business books, and choose an opener other
than, “Hey, it looks like you’d like to make some extra
money on the side too, huh?”
All told, that should be relatively simple to avoid.
The Stronger And More “Independent” She Is, The
More She Wants You To Lead
We noticed a pair of female friends sitting at the bar, one
of whom appeared to be particularly strong-willed and
confident.
You know the type. Lots of grandiose hand gestures and
perpetually projecting the kind of body language that
indicates a sarcastic sense of humor.
After my friend had a conversation with the pair that
clearly engaged them effectively, I followed up to ask them
how they think it went.
The one with the strong personality, who looked a lot like
Pink, blurted out. “Why didn’t he just tell me to give him my
number? We want a man who tells us what to do.”
I seized the opportunity to explore that one, and she went
on to spout this gem: “The next time a guy takes me out on
a date and asks me what I want to do, I’m going to tell him
to drop me off at the Walgreen’s [drug store] because I’m
out of tampons.”
Isn’t it interesting how we as guys tend to think we ought to
yield more to strong-willed women rather than LEAD more?
You’ve got to give women a man they can respect, and the
stronger of a personality she is the more frustrated she
probably is by the men she has been meeting lately.
Count on it…and step up to the plate accordingly.
If You Say You’re Sorry, She’ll Agree
One of my soapboxes is how women are hard-wired to follow
our lead as men. If the point above demonstrates that fact,
this one whacks it upside the head with a shovel.
Simply put, if you open a conversation with a woman with
something to the effect of, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
you’ve already stacked the deck against yourself.
Why Downplaying Your Interest Is Actually An Insult
We tend to think the best course of action when approaching
a woman is to downplay why we’ve shown up in her airspace.
But least one time this past weekend my friend had to work
to recover from exactly that kind of opener.
All he had said was that he was getting bored, so he decided
to start a conversation.
Let’s just say that women don’t want to be the solution to
your boredom. They actually WANT you to be interested in
them. They WANT to know they captured your attention for
real.
Imagine that…for many women it’s not only okay to express
to them in some subtle way that you were attracted, it’s
PREFERABLE.
Obviously, however, keep it simple. Don’t pre-approve them
as the new mistress of your universe. That’s worse than
being bored…that’s just boring.
A “Hybrid” Of Direct And Indirect Approach Is Virtually
Unstoppable
How about this? Instead of debating whether or not “direct”
or “indirect” is the best way to go, why not consider using
what I can only call a “hybrid” of the two?
We got more than our fair share of the usual feedback from
women that they inherently KNOW what is going on when a
guy approaches her. Beating around the bush only betrays
a low level of confidence.
But then again, saying something like, “I saw you from across
the room and had to meet you” does indeed come off as a bit
too strong for some women.
I’ve personally had great success with the latter type of
approach, but yes…you really do have to gauge what the
woman’s personality type is going to be like before starting
the conversation in order decide whether or not you can pull
that off.
And that, of course, isn’t always the easiest thing to do.
The disarmingly simple truth is this. If you open with a
confident line that conveys the right amount of energy, all
the while not hiding AT ALL the fact that you were intrigued
enough to come introduce yourself, things are WAY more
likely to end well for you.
This concept has proven itself over and over again.
An example from this past weekend would be when we
approached two women at a booth in a restaurant and
casually mentioned to them that we were the self-appointed
managers in charge of making sure everyone was having a
good time.
When they laughed and began telling us how everything was,
we told them that was great, but really we had just wanted
to meet them.
The combination of playful banter and unabashed confidence
won them over with breathtaking speed. Emily and I turned
away and started dancing together, leaving my friend to bask
in the glory of this one. Nice job.
Stop Fearing Whether She Is Married Or Not
You know how the classic excuse goes. We talk ourselves
out of approaching a woman because, “What if she’s married
or has a boyfriend?”
Here it is: IT DOESN’T MATTER. At least not as far as
getting “rejected” is concerned.
Why not? Because if you approach a woman the right way,
it’s JUST A CONVERSATION…at least at first.
As it turns out, at least 50% of the women my friend
approached all weekend were NOT single. And yet,
every single one of those women still engaged in
conversation.
EVERY ONE of them.
But here’s the crazy part At least a few of them smiled,
nodded, leaned in and played with their hair. Whatever
attraction “looks” like, they exhibited it.
If you really have to find something to worry about in order
to stay warm at night, concern yourself with what you’re
going to do when you’ve flat-out enchanted a woman enough
that she really, seriously WOULD go out with you…and THEN
you find out she’s married.
That’s far more likely to be a well-founded concern than
getting shut out from the get go. I’m telling you, there are
A LOT of frustrated wives out there, gentlemen.
All told, we had visited Barnes and Noble, a killer outfitter
store, Target, a restaurant noted for employing particularly
sexy waitresses and even the grocery store during the
daytime.
At night, we warmed up by singing karaoke in front of the
gnarliest audience in town…just to feel the love. Then we
progressed from a well-lit and very social bar to an equally
friendly Irish Pub.
After successfully meeting and enthralling two or three women
at a time at those types of places it was time for the ultimate
test.
We invited one of Emily’s attractive single friends along and
we went to the two most notorious upscale hangouts for
single people in town.
You know them well: The AMOG-infested shark tanks with a
granite bar, Chimay on tap and Italian sports cars littering
the parking lot.
Same results. And you can add a seventh bullet point to the
list above. Self-absorbed d-bag rich guys are a turn off—
even to the women who showed up because they thought
they might like to get asked out by one.
My friend from out of town RULED. He and Emily’s friend
even ended up getting along VERY nicely. Go figure.
After pulling an all-nighter culminating in the standard
“Breakfast Debriefing” over chorizo and egg tacos at
Chacho’s around 4.30 am or so, it was time to hit the
airport.
The last thing I said to him as we were pulling into San
Antonio International was this. “OK, man. You’re on a run
of having successfully talked to more women or groups of
women IN A ROW than I could keep track of.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t have your confidence
HARD WIRED by now. But just in case, here’s the first
thing to do once you get out on your own this morning.
Talk to at least one woman here in this airport, and another
when you change planes at DFW.”
I looked over and he was sound asleep…exhausted.
I laughed, and continued out loud, “Alright, you talked me
into it. You get a ‘Mulligan’ here. But at DFW for sure.”
He caught his plane on time, and all was good in the
universe. As I drove away, I was reminded of why I’ve
got the greatest job in the world…again.
When I got home I cracked a Shiner Bock and watched
the 7am SportsCenter. I couldn’t sleep.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
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