[X&Y] How To Invite Her To Go Out With You

Published: Sat, 08/10/24

Updated: Sat, 08/10/24



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IN THIS EDITION:  A reader wonders how to frame asking a woman out
for the first time, and also brings up the question of what exactly to do
during those potentially awkward moments when she "excuses herself"
from the table.

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QUESTION FROM A READER


Hi Scot,

During the initial stages of getting to know a new woman and
going out on dates, is it best to frame the invitation (from me to
her) with an emphasis on she and I getting together (and make the
thing we'll actually be doing a mere decoration around us), or make
the invitation one emphasizing the activity itself?

That is to say, in your experience, is it better to make it an
invitation to spend time together, or to do a particular activity?
Hope that makes sense.

Thanks a million. Best regards,


Isaac (Australia)



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Hello Isaac:

Great question.  Probably the best I've received all week.

The overarching theme here is not to overthink the situation.

If you over analyze, it'll spin you into "analysis paralysis" and
the resulting insecurity will bury you regardless of which way you
go...every time.

So practically speaking, I'd recommending a "both...and" approach
instead of "either...or".

In other words, going out together doesn't have to be positioned
as either something cool to do or a chance to hang out with a cool
guy like you.

It's kind of like asking if you should press the clutch or shift
the gears when driving.  See what I mean?

Suggest something fun and interesting to do, and since she finds
YOU interesting, it'll sound great to her.

And yet, an amazing date doesn't have to be a huge, financially
draining production.

In fact, doing something normal people do anyway will be the
most effective way to get to know each other better anyway.

With so many places to go shut down due to COVID-19, that
may be your only reasonable option, no matter what.

Try something like:  "Hey, I'm planning to go shopping to get a
a new lamp for the living room.  I could use a woman's insight.
How about you join me?"

It doesn't really matter where you are going and what for, as long
as it isn't too downscale (e.g. to the Circle K) or creepy (e.g. for
some Preparation H).

If you have the luxury nowadays of going out on the town as
opposed to doing something mundane, great. That's your
prerogative as well.

Make it anything but an expensive dinner followed by a dark,
quiet movie theater.

Pick a place that has big TVs, a cool jazz band playing, or
(especially) something interactive going on like Buzztime trivia.

Maybe sit at the bar instead of a big old sloppy booth.  That way,
there's social interaction built in.

The first date is all about exploring whether you genuinely get
along or not.

That said, I'm not going to discount the raw horsepower of a
dimly-lit romantic hideaway of a place when it comes to setting the
mood, but the timing has to be right.  First dates shouldn't be
loaded down with that kind of pressure, so don't sweat it if
that doesn't happen.

Above all, be in control.  Be a man who is comfortable in his own
skin, and whose plan reflects that.

Thanks again for the outstanding question.
 

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