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WHAT WOMEN REALLY THINK ABOUT APPROACH ANXIETY


I truly believe that men and women are more alike than different.

As a matter of fact, the more time I spend immersed in the study of
what attracts MOTOS (members of the other sex) to one another,
the more amazed I become that the genders have such a notoriously
difficult time understanding each other.

When you get right down to it, most of the confusion tends to happen
because most of us--men and women--have a hard time getting
outside of our own heads and considering the perspective of someone
else.

And yes, you are inferring correctly.  That propensity toward getting
stuck in our own headspace is precisely one of those areas that is
not particularly "gender-specific".

One could almost surmise that it's this similarity in particular that is
exactly what causes us to believe that MOTOS are "impossible to
understand".  How's that for the Mother Of All Ironies?

No concept better underscores this than what is commonly known as
"approach anxiety".

This needs no introduction for 99% of you who are reading this.

Since the dawn of time, men have encountered women who interest
them sexually...and have collectively clammed up.

Even the most ostensibly fearless men out there fold up and
collapse when confronted with the idea of approaching a particularly
interesting woman.

In fact, because they often fear the verdict of either being "accepted"
or "rejected" by a woman they've pre-approved on sight, the ensuing
contest which could result in "getting beat by a girl" is too much,
especially for the "tough guys" among us.

Some of the biggest wimps around women I've ever known were U.S.
Marines on 1000cc sportbikes.  Go figure.

Whatever the exact reason for approach anxiety (e.g. fear of
rejection, concern over "bothering" women, lack of things to say,
"getting beat by a girl", etc.), most men deal with it at least sometime
in their lives.

Meanwhile, over in the Land Of The MOTOS, women are typically
unaware that approach anxiety even exists, let alone is such a
massive limiting factor for the vast majority of men.

You are reading correctly.  Most women don't even realize men fear
approaching them.

Of course, most of us guys have no idea how women themselves view
approach anxiety.  They've never bothered to find out.  After all,
that would have involved walking up to them and asking them, right?

The first time Emily heard the term "approach anxiety", she fully
acknowledged that even she had no idea it was going on.

For her, and for every single one of her friends, the automatic
assumption had been made that men who don't walk up to them and say
"hello" are simply uninterested.

Following logically, this means that since over 95% of all men are
too timid to approach a woman, even the most attractive women go
through life thinking that less than 5% of all men are actually interested
in them.

Factor in the reality that the more intriguing a woman is to a broader
cross-section of the male population the greater the percentage of men
who lack the courage to approach her becomes, and you can quickly
figure out why so many particularly sharp women are dateless.

I specifically remember the Homecoming Queen at my high school not
having a date for the dance.  And that's just one example.

Contrast this with prevailing men's dating advice that's been handed
down blindly over the past decade or so.  You've probably heard time
and again that all attractive women get hit on 25 times per day and
typically have about six "boyfriends" at any given time.

Well, recently I went and tested what I had learned.  I asked every
reasonably attractive woman I happened across how often guys came
up to them an introduced themselves.

By far the most frequent answer was a variation of, "Uh...not often."

For many, it was such a seldom occurrence that each time it happened
was like a "scene from a movie", soon to be recounted to every one of her
girlfriends in detail.

And yes...to my own utter shock, admittedly...the vast majority of
women usually assumed that men who didn't talk to them were simply
uninterested.

Granted, most knew that some men were too shy to talk to them, but
virtually none of them realized how universal approach anxiety actually
is.

What's more, here's the real kicker.  Most women I talked to wished
more men would talk to them.  They LOVE when it happens, and would
be thrilled if it happened more often.

When I informed them of the reality of approach anxiety, women failed
to comprehend why they're so blasted "scary" to men.  I repeatedly
heard things like this:  "Who me?  Why in the world am I so scary to
men?  I'm a nice person!"

When I reassured these women how very real approach anxiety is
to most men, and that a far higher percentage of men around them
probably were very interested than they supposed, most of them fell
slack jawed.

"Wow.  Really?  And here I was thinking I just wasn't so attractive
after all."

Oh, and for what it's worth, I probably asked 50-75 women about
this.  Not one of them was rude to me.  Not one.

Here's the bottom line, if you can get out of your own head and
understand what's really going on inside a woman's for a change,
you'll find that an unfair advantage has been right under your
nose all this time.

All you ever had to do was take it and make it your own.

Women everywhere are watching most men walk right on by and
are wondering what's wrong with themselves.

I realize this is a preposterous thought to you.

But how could your life change if you put it to the test?

Remember, women follow your lead.  If you can walk up to a woman
confidently expecting a positive reception, then she will immediately
feel comfortable and positive toward you.

Contrast this with collecting all your nervous energy and bracing
yourself for a contest when approaching a woman.  Uneasiness
begets an unsettling feeling in a woman, which is contrary to the
security she must feel in order to respond well to you.

And when you expect rejection, you lead a woman to give you exactly
what you expect.

Instead, equipped with the knowledge that a woman probably is all
but oblivious to the very existence of approach anxiety, take that
life lesson and begin viewing women as they view themselves.

They're wondering why you keep passing them by.  After all, they're
just not that scary to themselves.

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