[X&Y] I Know Why You're Still Single (6 Possible Reasons)

Published: Sat, 08/31/24

Updated: Sat, 08/31/24



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I KNOW WHY YOU'RE STILL SINGLE
 

It's about time I addressed a pattern I've seen among guys who
habitually struggle with women.  And I have to warn you up front;
this just might come off as "tough love" to you.

To set the stage, here's an example of the kind of e-mail I get so
often I've lost track of how many I get during the course of a
typical week:


  "Hey Scot:

  Look man, nice effort and all...but NONE of what you're telling me
  EVER works.  I'm STILL having trouble finding a girlfriend.

  Signed,

  Dateless in Denver"


Curiously, as often as I get that kind of e-mail, I get about three
or four times as many from guys telling me they've transformed
their fortunes with women and/or have found their dream woman
...all based on what I and perhaps a few other dating advice types
have shared with them.  Go figure.

Now, if you've self-identified as hanging out in the camp where
"nothing ever works", I want you to stop and think for a second.

That last paragraph most likely caused a knee-jerk response in your
mind in defense of your current position.

Nonetheless, having your best interests at heart I'm going to lay
it on the line right here, right now.
 
Here it is:  I know why you're still single.

That's right.  Go ahead and get good and mad at me for the moment.
That's actually good for you, considering what's coming next.

Seriously...boil it all down and you don't have a girlfriend yet for
one of a half-dozen possible reasons:


 
1)  Ignoring The Arrogance


Alright, before we dive into any of these "sticky wickets", know
this:  NONE are gender-specific.

Nevertheless, because this is a newsletter that's primarily written
to men, I'm going to address what I'm saying to men in particular.

Basically, the concept here is that of having a firmly held belief
in one's own allegedly superior knowledge, complete with disdain
for the "stupidity" of others who don't agree with one's position.
Yet, what is believed so strongly with unwavering conviction is
DEAD WRONG. 

It's bass-ackwards, and very apparently so to most everyone else.

The only thing worse than someone who thinks he or she is right and
everyone else is wrong is someone like that who's more often wrong
than right.

If that describes you, don't expect anyone (other than me, of
course) to ever tell you.  They already know it won't be worth the
effort, frustration and potential vitriol they'll get from you in
return for bringing it to your attention.

Oh...and don't expect them to be wildly attracted to you either.

I once met a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines who had found
herself out with a guy who steadfastly clung to his certainty that
SWA flew Airbus A320s.

They don't, of course.  It's all Boeing 737's all the time.

But even though she WORKED on the very aircraft type in question,
he stuck to his guns.

A mere ten minutes into the date, he and his "guns" were left
alone together.  She got up and left, and I don't blame her a bit.


 
2)  Assuming The Exception


This one is really easy to describe.

What we're talking about here is holding a limiting belief with a
DEATH GRIP. 
 
So much so that even vis-à-vis overwhelming evidence that tons of
people with the EXACT same "issue" are achieving WILD SUCCESS with
women, you still believe your situation is "hopeless".

In other words, even if someone else JUST LIKE YOU can get women,
YOU still won't.  Success in any way, shape or form is something
only other guys get to experience.


 
3)  Embracing The Illness


This one is flat-out shocking, but I've come to the conclusion over
the past year in particular that what I'm about to share with you
is VERY REAL.

It would seem that some who are suffering from an illness--physical,
mental, emotional or otherwise--actually have come to LIKE things as
they are.

I've overheard my fair share of diabetics droning on and on about
their diabetes, and seen people who could walk perfectly well if
they cared enough to riding around on those "Rascal" scooters.

I'm not being insensitive here.  I've got the hard evidence to back
up what I've observed time and again.

It's as if the SICKNESS itself has become a rallying point of
identity.  It brings extra amounts of attention from other people,
even as it serves as a way to "stand out from the crowd" in a way.

What I'll call "Dateless Disorder" is no different. 

Think about it.  I really do believe that if some people finally
found a significant other for once that their entire self-image
would be shaken...and the thought of that is just too much to take.


 
4)  Excusing The Innovation


If one has always assumed something to be true, then it's
understandably difficult--no, make that almost impossible--to accept
anything counter-intuitive to that assumption.
 
I'll tell you, a LOT of dating advice out there really does prey
upon guys who have so little experience with women that they
legitimately have no idea just yet what could theoretically
increase their real-world effectiveness with them.

So what do they do?  They believe in what makes sense to them.

In other words, they continue to think like MEN, even when
considering women.

They might also draw conclusions based on what they can physically
SEE.

Or WORSE, they gravitate towards the solution that sounds EASIEST
to implement.

My favorite example of how this whole line of thinking can burn you
is the idea of getting women to "chase you first" and how wildly
popular it is.

Undoubtedly, that concept represents a classic example of the
ever-elusive "easy button" promise. 

But if WE are too chicken to approach women, what's the logic in
expecting them to have all the guts we lack?  Isn't courage a
masculine thing?

Moreover, a clear understanding of woman demonstrates that they
LOVE a man who LEADS.  Even if they DO "approach first", they have
less respect for the man they've made the first move toward.

Another quick example is the one I've touched upon in just the past
couple of weeks or so--believing that strippers and other women
whose sexuality is "out there" publicly are the ONLY ones capable
of being amazing in the bedroom.

Very, very often it's the new, fresh thought process requiring a
total mind shift that really will break the old, tired habit of
failing with women.


 
5)  Blaming The Entire Other Gender


Oh man, what a KILLER this one is.

Essentially, what we're talking about here is blaming MOTOS
(members of the other sex) for ALL of your dating woes.

If you've ever found yourself saying "all women are ______", then
I'm about to mess your head up with some truth.

"All" women (like "all" men) aren't ANYTHING.  Regardless, of
gender, we're all unique individuals so there are no "constants"
and infinite "variables".

If you've got a consistent pattern going where MOTOS aren't
bringing you pleasure, it's time to look in the mirror.  Sometimes
it really is that simple.


 
6)  Skimming The Headlines


As I often do, I've saved the craziest example for last.

Here's the deal.  I really do think many, many guys out there would
LOVE for all the dating advice they see out there to work.  I think
their hearts are in the right place, etc., etc.

It's just that they're either TOO LAZY or TOO CYNICAL to ever get
to the meat and potatoes.  They really only skim the menu
instead--often with disastrous and contrary consequences.

As a case in point, you wouldn't believe what tends to happen any
time I write a newsletter with a potentially controversial question
as the subject line.

One time I wrote one called "Are Women The Enemy?" only to have a
handful of women lambaste me in e-mail form over the fact that I
would support such a notion. 

But had they actually READ my newsletter itself they'd have seen
almost immediately that my answer to the question was actually a
resounding "no".

I've come to realize that this phenomenon even applies at times to
some of the bullet points on my websites describing programs like
The Difference and The Leading Man.

One guy wrote me because he thought his dire situation with women
was caused by his having one blue eye and one green eye. 

Knowing that tons of women would actually find that unique and
fascinating, I couldn't help but probe a bit further.

As it turned out, he had seen the title of Rob Brinded's contribution
to The Difference on "Physical Symmetry" and drawn his own
conclusion about what was covered in the video. 

That video, of course, talks about posture and gait.  

I heard from another guy who saw the title "One Keystroke That
Kills" in the section of The Difference on online dating. 

He concluded that if it only takes ONE keystroke to ruin a first
e-mail to a woman, then his e-mails--which contain far more than one
keystroke--MUST be utterly destroying his chances.

But that audio is actually about overusing a certain key...not
ALL keystrokes in the generic sense.

Guys, you've just got to make sure that you REALLY get the big
picture about what knowledge is truly out there for you before
dismissing it at the wholesale level...and sometimes that takes some
due diligence.



Okay, let's be honest.  Way back at the beginning of this
discussion, was that "knee-jerk" defensive reaction in your mind in
line with one or more of the six concepts above?

If you can pick out which it was, you're already on your way to
KILLING it...dead as a door nail. 

If you train your mind to detect whenever you start to fall into
the trap, you'll begin to stop what's holding you back from now on
before it can really eat at you.

From there, you'll open the door wide to improving with women...and
in dramatic fashion.
 

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