[X&Y] Is There Another Option Besides "Bad Boy" Or "Mr. Nice Guy"?
Published: Thu, 09/05/24
Updated: Thu, 09/05/24
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IN THIS EDITION: We're usually told that we should be a
"Bad Boy" instead of "Mr. Nice Guy". But for most of us,
that's not in our nature. Isn't there a better option?
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KNOW AHEAD OF TIME IF A WOMAN IS GOOD IN
BED OR NOT
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And then, it can seem nearly impossible to tell for sure
if a woman is going to be good in bed or not.
Let's face it, you can't just watch a woman lick an ice
cream cone and have this all figured out.
But why is knowing ahead of time what she's like in bed so
important?
Well hey, knowing what to look for is amazingly fun.
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"BAD BOY", "MR. NICE GUY", OR SOME OTHER OPTION?
By now, most of you all who are reading this fully realize that
needy, wimpy "nice guys" get nowhere with women by supplicating,
capitulating or otherwise focusing on various other big words
with small meanings.
Women dread the insincerity and manipulative tactics involved with
that like Emily's dog Cosmo The Hairless Terrier dreads sunburn.
And much like Cosmo, guys who regularly do such silly stuff have no
game whatsoever. I mean, they may as well spin around in place
three or four times "turbo barking" like he does.
Even when Gracie The Hairless Terrier (Emily's other dog) is in heat,
she's unimpressed.
Actually, she can hardly bear to look.
On the flip side you have the "bad boys", the garden variety of
which are collectively known as "idiot/jerks" (or "I/J"s) around
these parts.
Indeed, some guys appear to be successful at attracting certain
women with low self-esteem by ignoring and/or mistreating them.
But as we have also learned, the particularly sharp women won't put
up with that for long.
Besides, misogynistic guys attract man-haters like...well, like
lunchtime attracts Cosmo.
And that, friends and neighbors, is the quintessential "lose/lose"
for "losers/losers".
But despite all these shenanigans of both the human and canine
varieties, we keep on living in this black/white universe where a
guy usually believes he has to be one or the other...and amazingly
the women buy into the false logic with an equal share.
Where it gets particularly troublesome is when--inevitably (we would
think)--some guys get kissed upside the head with the proverbial 2x4
and snap to it, saying, "Duh...hey wait...this isn't working."
And then the breathtaking part: They try to fix things by doing twice
as much of what they've already been trying.
I have to be joking, right? No man in his right mind would ever do that
...would he?
The real answer is that both "nice guys" and "bad boys" end up
trying "that other strategy".
So here we go... "Mr. Nice Guy" therefore decides he's got to become
the "bad boy" to get the girl.
Have you ever seen a recovering "Mr. Nice Guy" kicking tires on a
Harley? It ain't pretty.
And it gets even uglier when he buys the thing...like putting lipstick
on a hog.
If you are manipulative and needy when you are "nice" about it,
nothing changes when you're not "nice" about it.
Somewhere, women reading this newsletter are agreeing with me.
This situation is even more pathetic than the "nice guy" was to begin
with.
Simply put, if there was ever a shred of hope with the woman this
guy is so desperate to earn the attention of it just sprouted
wings and fluttered away. Majorly.
And elsewhere, there are at times "I/J" types who realize in a
moment of sweet epiphany that they've pushed too hard. The woman
has had enough, having been driven to the edge of both sanity and
dignity.
She has experienced the great awakening of Deserving What She Wants
and will not tolerate the mistreatment any longer. Good for her.
But what does the "I/J" guy do? He decides it's time to make an
SOS call to the flower shop desperately hoping that two dozen roses
(in red, with "baby's breath", etc.) is enough. Time to kiss up and make
nice.
Yeah, whatever.
Here's a huge takeaway for you: Flowers bought in an attempt to
buy out a screw up are a waste of money. Women feel patronized and
are likely to launch that "special delivery" directly into the dumpster.
Sorry, guys. Once again, albeit in an alternate universe, you've just
sealed your certain doom as securely as Harley Mounted Milquetoast
Boy did.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire...as if the first infraction wasn't
heinous enough, right?
What we're talking about here is counter failure of one extreme
by swinging the pendulum clear across to the other.
Call it "Double-Barreled Dating Disaster".
If you manage to walk away from this one, it'll be bowlegged.
For some of you, all of this sounds like first-hand experience.
Others of you may be contemplating (or even attempting) such
"reform" in your life, one way or the other.
How did we get here? Who decided that guys have to be caricatures
of one extreme or the other; either "bad boys" or "nice guys"?
In the end, I don't really care how we got here any more than Cosmo
cares what brand of cheap beer I pour in his doggy dish.
All I care about is getting out. So to that end, here's an
original idea: How about being a great man instead?
Maybe you've met him.
Importantly, he does not represent some sort of middle ground
between "nice" and "jerk".
He's his own breed (which may or may not be hairless).
Unashamedly masculine. Confident. Respects himself and
appreciates women. Strong character. Fearless but not foolish.
Irresistibly sexual without forcing the issue.
He makes decisions and does what he says he's going to do, even if
he's not from Texas.
There's never any need to swing to either extreme. And importantly
--write this down--the chicks dig him.
They just can't seem to find him around anymore. Here's hoping
they don't forget how to recognize him.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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