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IN THIS EDITION:  Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman
and felt this nagging feeling that, well...you were being nagged?

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=====



HOW TO MAKE SURE NO WOMAN SHAMES YOU FOR
BEING MALE


Let's say you've met someone new.

On the surface, she's probably beautiful, intelligent and possibly
even fun to be with.

But after only a short time hanging out with her, you start to
realize something doesn't feel right.

It's as if she has rights and privileges that you aren't free to
reserve for yourself.

Worse, you feel as if you'd be either selfish or flat-out
ridiculous were you to make an issue of it in any way.

For example, she's disappointed, hurt or even straight-up angry
when you even so much as glance at another woman at the mall.

Whether you actually did so or not is unimportant.  She believes
you did, so you'd better stop it.

Meanwhile, she has quite a number of guys in her life who are
"just really, really, really good friends".

When they show up, they hug her, banter with her and behave
in a manner that you are all but sure is flirting.

And sure enough, she hits them on the shoulder and giggles in
return.

Sometimes, she even hangs out with them...on a 1-on-1 basis.

They get sushi.  Study together.  Have a few drinks.

And sometimes she sort of gets too tired to drive home, so she
crashes at his place...on the couch, of course.

That's all okay, though, because they're all "like a big brother"
to her.

Do you say anything when this goes on?

Probably not.

After all, that would make you appear insecure.

You'd come off as if you were threatened, like some kind of
clingy wussy-boy.

And that's not very masculine.  You've been taught that being
"needy" is a bad idea.

So you back off.

But the fact remains that you know if you were to hang out
with other women like that, she wouldn't put up with it.

So how does she get away with this?

Simply put, she's got a double standard working.

And YOU, my good man, have bought into it.

The programming SHE has received gets imparted to you
as follows:


  Step One:  She gets you to agree that all men are dogs, only
  want one thing, and are therefore untrustworthy.


  Step Two:  Then, she convinces you that women, on the other
  hand, are the ones who are universally committed to faithful
  relationships and monogamy.  All they want is "Mr. Right".


  Step Three:  Since women are givers of life and nurturers,
  whereas men are the ones responsible for wars and strife, if
  there's ever a problem, it's YOUR fault.


  Step Four:  ...and WHEN there's a problem, your response is
  expected to be one of aggression and oppression toward the
  more passive woman, who is in danger of being physically
  and/or emotionally abused at any given moment.


So the end result of such programming is that she is considered
inherently trustworthy.  The belief is that SHE wouldn't ever cheat
or anything like that.

Meanwhile, however, since you are a guy, what are understood
to be YOUR "inherent" traits must be kept under lock and key.

"But wait a second," you ask, "all I really want is a great
girlfriend.  And even if I'm dating more than one woman, I'm
honest and respectful about it.  And hey, it's not like I've
started any wars lately.  I've never even been in a fistfight."

"Besides," you say, "every time I've ever seen an episode of
'Cheaters' there's as many women on there running around as
men."

Indeed.

So how did this happen?

Moreover, how is it that we as guys can get "owned" right before
our very eyes, yet we feel much more comfortable pretending it
"isn't what it looks like" rather than standing up to the "double
standard"?

And why do we feel compelled to tell her to "have fun" with a wave
and a smile when she goes out with her friends to a bar or
club--looking hotter than we've seen her in weeks--when we're loaded
down with guilt if we go to the sports bar on a Saturday afternoon
to watch the game and have a beer or two with the guys?

Here it is:  You've allowed yourself to take on the archetypal
guilt of every other guy before you who allegedly acted like an I/J
(Idiot/Jerk).

In other words, you believe women are the "oppressed" race, and
that you are part of the social group who is historically
responsible for the "oppression".

So you feel the shame.

You put her on a pedestal.

And you walk on eggshells.

After all, you most certainly want to be part of the solution
rather than the problem.

You want to correct millennia of errant behavior on the part of men
everywhere--all the way from dragging women into the cave by
their hair to paying them less per hour compared to men for the
same type of work.

You might even subconsciously feel it's incumbent upon you to
make "restitution", as preposterous as that sounds when printed
in black and white.

And "Double Standard Chick"?  She's more than happy to allow
you to take that on.

In fact, even years into a long-term relationship when guys are
getting nagged a lot, it's often because of unresolved "double
standard" issues.

Well, either that or she's doing all the housework.

So let's talk some sense here for a second.

First of all, consider that there are quite a few women who are
reading this newsletter.

They're definitely out there, and they read because they like
hearing what I tell you guys about how to be a great man.

But some have taken the bait regarding the concept I'm talking
about here also.  In fact, in many cases it's hook, line and sinker.

So I'll likely get a smattering of angry e-mails from a few of them.

They'll write me and accuse me of being negative toward women
simply because I'm attempting to debunk the "double standard".

The truth, however, is that I'm exhorting a more positive
representation of one another by both men and women.

Know this, gentlemen:  Not every woman subscribes to the
"double standard".

Some believe that great men of character--like you--exist.

They'd rather avoid negative influences in their life, think the
best of a great man who comes along, and focus on having a
healthy relationship.

This means that if you are indeed that "big four" guy (masculine,
confident, ability to inspire safety/security, high-character) you
should expect that such a woman will respond positively to you.

After all, you will share mutual respect and have each other's best
interests at heart.

No "double standard".

Does that sound too good to be true?

If so, your reality needs an overhaul.

When you buy in to the "all male behavior is bad behavior" concept,
you begin very quickly to feel actual, raw shame over simply being
male.

This is particularly messed up because high quality women love
high quality men.

So even as you begin to camouflage your masculinity out of shame
for all the "bad stuff" men have done to women over the years, you
become less attractive.

And "Double Standard Chick"?

She simply becomes even more annoyed by you, leading to what?

You guessed it...a greater feeling of freedom to treat you with
disrespect.

A caveat here.

"Double-Standard Chick" may indeed be quite a gifted manipulator.

But then again, she may be a perfectly well-meaning woman who
happens to have been subject to the SAME faulty programming as YOU.

So the ultimate irony?  Even those women who are beholden to the
"double-standard" aren't always particularly thrilled about it.

If you think about it, that makes the whole thing even more
messed-up than previously thought.

Whoa.  So what does all this mean?

It means that you indeed have the right to consider yourself a real man
and not the living perpetuation of "caveman culture".

Therefore, it also means that you need not passively endure the
"double standard".

Ultimately, it means that you must lead.

You must stand up, speak on behalf of mutual respect--by name--and
announce that your intent is to respect women and enjoy the company
of those who respect you in return.

And if that's not part of her plan, you wish her well.

Sound almost too easy?

Perhaps.

But the key here is to remember, as I alluded to, that some women
who live by the "double standard" are actually disgusted by it
nonetheless.

Seriously.  You should see the e-mails we get from women who
expect the worst from guys, only to get annoyed when they act
"nice" thinking it's simply a more covert form of "bad behavior".

Usually, the guys they write about were tiptoeing around trying not
to hurt the woman's feelings, not wanting to be the "oppressor".

Not always, of course, but usually.

Now listen, I'm not about to make some Pollyannaish assertion that
everyone on Earth is an angel.

I fully get that there are indeed bona-fide I/Js out there.  And by
the way, guys, they're giving great men like you a bad name.

And similarly, there are women who mean well and those who do
not.

No matter whether you are a man or a woman, you must deserve
what you want

If you want to be respected; if you want someone of high character
in your life, then we all must kill the "double standard" programming
and expect the best from MOTOS (Members Of The Other Sex).

Instead, start doing what it takes to make the world safe for solid,
respectful relationships between men and women again. 

Basically, what it all boils down to in the real world is this:  If she's
treating you like you're her ornery big brother, feel free to treat her
like your bratty little-sister.

That's called "flirting".   Let's start having fun again, as it should be.

=====






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