[X&Y] What To Say When You Want Her To Be Your Girlfriend

Published: Mon, 09/16/24

Updated: Mon, 09/16/24

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IN THIS EDITION: Want to go exclusive with a certain woman you've
been dating? Even if you're not at that point right now, you might be
someday soon...so don't miss this.

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WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU WANT HER TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND

It occurred to me during a recent coaching call that many of us as
guys are actually blowing our chances with women who genuinely,
seriously like us at precisely the moment we ask them to become
our girlfriends...all because we want to seem "safe".

What in the world can I possibly mean by that?

Well, consider for a moment that you're dating a sharp, successful
woman.

Hopefully, this isn't much of a stretch for you by now.

She spends most of her life sorting out men who can't stand up to
her. You know, men who are too timid to offer any real leadership.

In fact, most men she's dated have automatically assumed she wanted
to "wear the pants" in the relationship.

But along you came, and you're different. You show signs of being
a true "big four" man.

As a result, she becomes hopeful that your masculine confidence and
your ability to inspire her confidence will hold together over
time.

In other words, she's looking for you to show character.

She hints that she really enjoys spending time with you.

But when the day comes that you decide to make her your girlfriend
you say something like this: "Uh...if it's okay with you, would you
maybe possibly like to be my girlfriend? I think a relationship is worth
a TRY."

And to your dismay, she's ambiguous (at best) with her answer
rather than enthusiastically positive.

What happened there?

In the example I gave, three things went wrong.

First of all, by asking her for an exclusive relationship, the
leadership position is thrust upon her. She wanted you as a man to
take the lead.

Second, by using the word "try" an attitude of expected failure is
conveyed. Think about it. If you invite people you know to a party
and they tell you they'll "try to make it", what are the chances they'll
actually show up?

Third, and most importantly, by using syntax like "if it's okay with
you", "maybe" and "possibly" the woman sees only a man who is
attempting to insulate himself from potential rejection.

And if a man is doubtful of his own worth, then she's likely to follow
that lead.

By the way, a woman may not even know why she's reticent to
become a guy's girlfriend under such circumstances. She'll simply
be disappointed, confused, and somehow insecure about the
relationship.

Crazily, it's because we're too safe that we cause insecurity in a
woman in situations like this. How's that for irony?

Want a more favorable response from a high quality woman you'd like
to be in an exclusive relationship with? Assuming she is at least
hinting she wants the same, try this:

"Both of us have busy social lives, I realize. But we're clearly
enjoying each other's company more and more as we get to know
each other better. I've decided that I really don't want or need to
fill my schedule with other women besides you. From now on I think
you and I should be together. Please know I don't take such things
lightly, and my intention is to protect your heart."

That paragraph is loaded down with graduate-level chick whispering.

First of all, there is no ambiguity. You are a man who knows what
he wants. Yet, you are neither begging, pleading nor expecting
failure. Rather, you are expecting positive reciprocation, short of
running an "assumptive close" on her.

And most importantly, you inspire confidence and demonstrate a
desire to offer her security--even as you somehow convey that life
is about to become a shared adventure between you.

Not bad, right?

Remember, the example I've given is purely demonstrative. Please
choose your own words when the time comes.

You get my drift.

Incidentally, in case you're wondering, YES...the general principle
we're talking about here applies equally when meeting a woman for
the first time.

There's a lot of talk about "establishing rapport". Sure, it's nice to
find common ground with a woman. That's a great foundation for a
good SAFE friendship.

But the higher standard here is to inspire a woman to WANT your
leadership.

If you can make her feel secure in her presence while being
assertive in a way that shows you have her best interests at heart,
a woman will do anything for you.

Read that last sentence again.

Remember, you can be her protector or you can be "harmless". The
former ignites femininity, the latter lands in a place WORSE than
the dreaded "Just Be Friends" Zone. The choice is yours.

When you get right down to it, what we're talking about here is the
ability to take the "big four" and practically apply them at the highest
level.

If you can do that, you become a man who wields immense power
and influence. Neither "coercion" nor "passivity" holds any place in
the realm of power and influence, does it?

A powerful, influential man is not a "controlling jerk", but he's
not "Mr. Safe" either.

"Power", of course, is a measure of your personal effectiveness.
"Influence" implies the ability to inspire others to follow your
lead.

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