=====

IN THIS EDITION: We all know you're not supposed to look needy
and clingy. That doesn't work. So how can some guys succeed at
being persistent with women who aren't initially so into them?

=====



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Can ordering up a half dozen or so women to go out with this
week be as easy--and fast--as ordering a pizza?

I know for a fact that it is. Well, except maybe for the "30
minutes" part...unless you type REALLY fast.

Better to relax and give yourself a couple of days, maybe.

Don't ask me, though. Ask the multitude of happy guys out there
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But hey, we're not talking about pizza delivery here, we're
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You know, those deeply satisfied sweethearts who are THRILLED
a real man finally showed up and rescued them from the flotsam
and jetsam that was clogging their inbox.

Let's get real here.

Some ludicrously high percentage of dudes out there are sending
out brain dead first messages like "Uh..hello. Wanna hook up?"

All they're getting in return is, well...they're getting
NOTHING in return, that's what.

Don't kid yourself. The women who EVERY guy is writing to are

1)  HOT

2)  VERY TASTY

2)  STARVING

(Why is writing this making me crave pizza?)

The point is they all turned up online because they CRAVE
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Whatever you do, don't go hungry. Ordering up the hot stuff
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=====



QUESTION FROM A READER


Hey Scot,

I have been getting your newsletters for a while, and I had the
pleasure and benefit of a couple of phone coaching sessions. You
talk a lot about being a chooser as opposed to being a chaser. That
makes perfect sense to me.

But there is another concept that also makes a lot of sense to me,
and this is the concept of being PERSISTENT.

Example: Woman goes on date with Man. Woman thinks Man is "nice"
but well, she isn't too excited about him.

Man is persistent though, and then thanks to his persistence, they
end up going on a second date, a third date, and so on, until Woman
develops real feelings for Man.

Then Man proposes to Woman for marriage and Woman giddily
accepts.

Didn't the guy "chase" her though?

So my dilemma is that the concept of being a chooser seems to go
against, as I am understanding it, the concept of being persistent
when we meet that woman who is really special.

And even when it comes to being persistent--how does one be
persistent without coming across as a stalker or being a pest?

One could say that it's all about making a strong impression in the
beginning, but what if for whatever reason that doesn't happen?

I am wondering all this because I've met a lot of women this past
year.  There were maybe two women in particular who each seemed
like she could be really special, but I wasn't really able to spark
attraction in the 90 minutes we met for drinks (as I was in other
women I wasn't as excited about).

I came across as a good guy but that was it. And in this day of
short attention spans and women insisting on "instant chemistry",
it does seem that doing that usually won't cut it when it comes to
getting a second date.

And needless to say, I never ended up getting together again with
these women.

So yeah, I do find myself thinking about these "near-misses" and
"what-could-have-beens".

What if I was more persistent? And would have there been a way for
me to have been more persistent without being a pest/coming across
as a stalker?

Anyway, thanks for reading.


Mike (Paradise Valley, AZ)



=====



Hello Mike.  It's good to hear from you.

This is a great topic.  And it's a tricky one, isn't it?

After all, isn't it a solid example of chasing vs. choosing
when we continue to pursue a woman who doesn't seem all that
interested at first?

Maybe or maybe not, as I see it.

Amazingly, the truth of the matter, essentially, is that you really
CAN still be "selecting" even as you assert your will for a woman
to be in your life. 

How so?  Well, whereas "chasing" is rooted in desperation and fear
of loss, "choosing" in this instance is more a matter of knowing
what you want and going after it, failure not being an option. 
 
Since women do tend to follow a man's lead, the strategy CAN
actually prove successful.

The case of Michael Jordan's courtship with his first wife is a
famous example, as she was famously reticent to date an NBA player
at first.

The marriage ultimately ended in failure in the form of divorce
years later, so "success" here is indeed a relative concept, as it
so often is.

Nevertheless, when it does indeed work to be persistent with a woman
who isn't initially so into you, it's almost always because you as
a man finally started to demonstrate masculine qualities of leadership
and having a clear plan of action.  

This definitely involves replacing any "soft", tentative demeanor
you may have had at first with a bolder, more directed presence.

It involves stepping up and showing up where you may have only been
along for the ride on the first date, maybe in the hopes of
"playing it safe" and not offending her.

Certainly, you'll have to go for broke a little more the next time
you see her if you want to turn things around.

Obviously there also has to be some sort of real-world chance for
that next meeting to happen, which you might be able to finagle
via follow-up conversation on the phone, etc. 

It's important to understand that the woman has to have at least
LIKED you and felt reasonably safe and secure in your presence in
order for there to be ANY chance of success...ever.

Pushy, creepy and/or weird guys don't get "do-overs" with women in
this life. 
   
Similarly, if you've really managed to get yourself fully banished
to the dreaded "just be friends zone" it's highly improbable that
you'll ever get the return ticket back into her world.

Truly, she'll have to be the on the fence about you to some degree.

Assuming that's the case, like any true champion you should play to
win instead of running "Prevent Defense" as I've written about
before.

Bold moves are called for here, although I cannot underscore enough
that we're talking about assertiveness rather than aggression.

There's a HUGE difference, and the yardstick by which to measure it
is how much her perception of safety and security is taken into
consideration.
 
One important caveat is that executing the strategy I'm talking
about here to perfection rather than ruin requires literally more
confidence in oneself than the woman has even in herself.

If that sounds a bit esoteric, think about it for a minute and
it'll make sense.
 
That leads to a second, and arguably more significant caveat.  If
the woman isn't initially attracted to you, your leadership could
potentially result in her feeling as if she's settled for you. 

You never, ever want a woman to be with you because of personal
inability to say "no", which is a costly character flaw. 

You certainly also don't want or need a woman in your life who's
only there out of a sense of guilt, obligation or even flat-out
coercion.  Manipulation is ultimately worthless to you in the long
run.
 
I think you can see the fine line there. 

If a woman is repulsed by you despite your unrelenting pledges of
undying love and associated temper tantrums, that's one thing. 

But if she's "undecided" or talks about "taking it slow", then be
proactive and bold.  Go for what you want.

Similarly, if what's keeping the two of you apart is purely a
matter of, say, social politics (e.g. what others might say, her
"having been hurt in the past", an unwanted ex who won't go away,
etc.) then feel free to lead in that persuasive manner if you
innately sense that the two of you should be together.

=====






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