[X&Y] This Is Scarier Than Rejection (Or At Least It SHOULD Be)

Published: Sat, 07/13/24

Updated: Sat, 07/13/24



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THIS IS SCARIER THAN REJECTION

 
A while back, there was a dramatic incident involving an American Airlines
flight from Chicago to Miami.
 
On take off, the 767 experienced what in the aviation world is called an
“uncontained engine failure”.  In other words, the engine on the starboard
side of the aircraft blew up into a fireball.
 
Flames and smoke spewed into the air.
 
Fortunately, the pilots were able to abort the takeoff before rotation,
allowing the plane to come to rest without immediate injury to anyone.
 
But the plane was on fire, so the crew urgently deployed the emergency
slides and evacuated everyone safely within one minute…even as smoke
began to fill the cabin.
 
According to one passenger, “There wasn't much yelling or screaming,
except passengers who shouted at others who were trying to grab their
bags from the overhead bins.”
 
Yes, you read it correctly.  Apparently, multiple passengers were opening
overhead bins and grabbing their carry-ons during the evacuation.
 
You’ve got to be kidding me.  Why wasn’t everyone on board all about
getting off that thing and away from it as quickly as possible?
 
After all, even though the Jet A in the presumably full fuel tanks is less
flammable than common gasoline, they were basically sitting on a
400,000 pound bomb.

Well, as weird and surreal as the whole scenario sounds, human
psychology can explain everything.  In fact, believe it or not, a similar
scene unfolds virtually every time a plane in trouble eventually comes to
rest in one piece.

Most people who are afraid to fly are haunted by images of mid-air
collisions, wings breaking off or other mishaps that would cause the plane
to fall out of the sky.  It’s the gruesome vision of hundreds of people
plummeting to certain death in terror that people are afraid of.
 
If you’ve ever seen Fight Club, you know all too well how the mid-air
emergency scene is enough to make you swear off airline travel forever.
 
But human nature is such that once an airplane is on the ground and
comes to a halt, everyone feels as if the worst is over.  Basically, to most
people terra firma = safe and sound.
 
So in the real world, this means people routinely freak out and scream on
airplanes when they experience a downdraft (aka an “air pocket”), which
very rarely results in an accident.
 
But in a real, live emergency situation where people could really, truly
explode in flames together at any second, they’re casually taking an extra
moment to reach for their bags.
 
We humans are weird creatures, aren’t we?
 
So what does this have to do with getting better with women?
 
Well, sit down for this.  I don’t think “approach anxiety” is much different
than fear of flying.
 
Nearly every guy I talk to is mostly afraid of the functional equivalent of
“falling out of the sky”.  They’re afraid of a big, dramatic, scary, humiliating
rejection.
 
Or worse, they fear they’ll offend a woman by their mere presence so much
that security will get called on them and they’ll be arrested.
 
Certainly, those are the mental images that conjure up the most anxiety in
the moment.
 
Yet, after nearly nineteen years of coaching men, I’ve heard extremely few
actual stories of women being blatantly rude, calling out hurtful limiting
beliefs and/or throwing drinks in anyone’s faces.
 
And know this…the few I have heard are mostly from guys who deserved
what they got.
 
Now, I’m not saying women are incapable of being mean even to a man who
gives them space and means well.  But it’s extraordinarily rare, and when it
happens it’s an isolated incident rather than a recurring pattern.
 
But indeed, there’s something MUCH scarier at play than anything a woman
can do to you in the moment when you approach her.
 
That’s this:  NEVER having the guts to meet women and ask them
out to begin with.

Yet I’ve heard from thousands of men who suffer from that problem.
 
And yes…that scenario is ultimately FAR, FAR more dangerous, even
though it offers a “false sense of security” in the moment because you
avoid approaching altogether.
 
If you NEVER meet any women, that will invariably result in
NEVER having a girlfriend, NEVER having sex, NEVER having a
family (if you really wanted one), NEVER relieving personal
loneliness, and eventually dying alone.
 
When you protract it all out like that it’s hard to think about, isn’t it?
 
And yet, the truth is most guys don’t consider the real, long-term
ramifications of their own version of “uncontained engine failure”.
 
Your “engine” in this case is your courage, desire and motivation.

“Uncontained failure” occurs when your fear and insecurities over
potentially humiliating immediate results “blow up” in your face, causing
you to chicken out.
 
But the “smoke in the cabin” is really found in the pattern of avoiding
approach situations month after month, year after year and even decade
after decade.
 
It may take more time for fire to engulf the area for some guys than others,
but meanwhile many of us keep habitually reaching for our baggage.
 
After all, our minds tell us we have “plenty of time”.

But make no mistake, I’ve heard from men in their 70s who let time
slip away and are living with regret.
 
Gentlemen, the number one goal is to meet women.  That absolutely,
positively has to come first before any other incremental success can
happen.
 
The truth is if you are a “big four” man women will almost universally be
good to you.
 
I’ve still not experienced even one “rude rejection” or security incident in
over a decade of in-field experience with guys.
 
Perhaps this newsletter has elicited a deep emotional response.  You may
be encouraged, upset or somewhere in between by what I’ve written.
 
But no matter what, my purpose is to motivate you toward getting the
results you want with the women you desire most.
 
If it’s finally time for coaching to get this part of your life handled, contact
me at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com. 

Or, take me up on the invitation I extended yesterday to get on my
calendar and talk to me for FREE about your future with women:



Get The Girl...Live The Dream



I can and will help you get rid of what’s keeping you from a healthy,
happy life with a great woman.
 

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