[X&Y] Riding It Like You're Afraid Of It

Published: Fri, 08/02/24

Updated: Mon, 08/05/24



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WHAT'S INSIDE: Are you riding it like you're afraid of it?

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BEEN THERE, DONE THAT


As you're about to find out in today's newsletter, I experienced my
fair share of frustration with women years ago.

But I got that part of my life handled, and never looked back.

I'm no "natural", which means I respect your journey every
bit as much as my own.

It also means that when you do a Ten-Plus coaching program
with me you bypass years (possibly even decades) of frustrating
trial and error.

The results are very real, and they come quickly.

If you've been sitting on the fence too long, schedule 25-minutes
on the phone with me to talk about a plan of action designed
specifically for you:



https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/takeaction




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RIDING IT LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID OF IT


I got my motorcycle license back in 1990.  I didn't have a lot of
money back then, so I scraped together $400 and bought the best
bike I could, which turned out to be a 1974 Honda CB450.

It was pretty beat up and tended to break in ways that led to
dire consequences.  As such, I ended up not riding it much.

And when I did, I was always expecting it to blow up at any
second.

Fast forward a couple years later.  I moved to Arizona, got a
decent job and finally bought the bike I really wanted.  It was a
Yamaha FZR-600 sportbike.

Let's face it, that's a LOT of bike for a guy with such little
riding experience.  Nevertheless, I got the thing.  But as I rode
it, I found I still suffered from the conditioning that my motorcycle
might start spewing oil and wreck me.

Since the bike was brand new--and not cheap--I also found myself
paranoid that I'd either drop it or crash it.

But even worse, I was haunted by the raw statistics related to how
many first-time sportbike owners bite the big one within three
months.

Add it all up and I didn't just ride that Yamaha like a grandma, I
rode it as if it WAS my grandma.

Soon I started hanging out with a bunch of like-minded sportbike
enthusiasts.  The most "alpha" guy of the bunch, a long-haired
ex-marine on a jet black GSX-R 1100, was also the most skilled
rider.  Among other things, he could ride wheelies through all six
gears.

The very first time I met him my new friends and I were parked at a
popular hang-out spot.  He rolled up, offered a firm handshake and
said, "I already know you.  You're the guy who rides that thing
like he's afraid of it."


He revved his motor slightly and before riding away explained,
"You've got to take charge of these little screamers or they'll
chew you up and spit you out."


He then proceeded to show all of us who were parked there exactly
what he meant as he and his 160 hp motorcycle made a dramatic
exit, as was considered the cool thing to do.

Lo and behold, as it turns out his advice was spot on.

Interestingly enough, my confidence increased right there on the
spot and within a year I was actually roadracing.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Well, to be perfectly honest I think a LOT of guys approach
situations with women who they're attracted to a lot like I
approached owning a sportbike for the first time.

Indeed, they "ride it like they're afraid of it".

Now obviously, if you take my metaphor half-literally you're
already picturing a scenario that might happen in the bedroom.

And yes, that's would be a disaster in its own right.

But frankly, most guys are riding it like they're afraid of it long
before that.

I can't tell you how many men I've talked to who attracted to women
in their social circle, but have NO IDEA what the woman's relationship
status is, let alone whether she's attracted to him in return or not.

They're not asking any questions, so they're not finding out any
answers.  They're riding it like they're afraid of it.

Other guys go with a woman, but they're so concerned about
offending her with their potential sexual interest that they neuter
themselves . 

They stick to conversation about the weather, chocolate chip cookie
recipes and--God forbid--the Dallas Cowboys.

They invariably land in the "Just Be Friends Zone" as a result.

Why?  It's all because they rode it like they were afraid of it.

Back when I was in about ninth grade our class went on a field
trip.  It was one of those cultural events that kids from all the
surrounding schools came to.  Many of them were particularly cute
girls.

There was one particularly amazing one with long, black hair.  She
was wearing a red dress and black stockings.

I remember walking right up to her, introducing myself to her and
telling her exactly what I thought of her.

This was long before e-mail, cell phones and social media, of
course.  As it turned out, she actually lived in another area code
so there was no way my parents were going to let me rack up
long distance charges talking to her.

So I did what I could.  I got her address and mailed her a letter.

Sure enough, she wrote back.  "I've never met a boy as bold as you.
I don't really know what to do with you, but I kinda like it."


Now, here's the crazy part.  I wouldn't have DARED be so forthright
with ANY girl back at my own school.  So I wasn't.

I mean, what...are you kidding me?  In my mind, were I to have bared
my soul like that with a girl I still had to see in the hallways or
even in English class afterwards, any number of BAD things might
have happened.

My biggest fear was that it could have resulted in four solid years
of embarrassment.

So then, because I feared the social ramifications and personal
humiliation of potential "rejection", I went through high school
riding it like I was afraid of it.

But while on that field trip I was virtually free of any potential
for social fallout.  Unfettered, I rode it like I STOLE it instead.

And it worked.

About now you may think the point of this is that you should
boldly make your intentions known to women instead of
fearing loss and shying away.

And hey, that's an important point.

But something tells me my exhortation to stop "riding it like
you're afraid of it" will really hit home for you even more if I
tell you WHY it's such a killer.

The bottom line is that bold leadership is a MASCULINE trait.
Meanwhile, passivity is a FEMININE trait.

Perhaps you've heard before that men are designed to PENETRATE
and that women like to BE PENETRATED.  Obviously that applies to
physical sexuality, but it also applies in the figurative sense, with
regard to how men and women relate to each other.

When you're BOLD about your intentions with a woman, you are doing
something inherently MALE.  That means her femininity gets ignited,
and voila...you turn her on.

But when you "ride it like you're afraid of it" you're being passive,
and that's a TURN OFF.

Do you see the very real "double whammy" at play there?  Not only
do you SEIZE opportunity rather than MISSING it when you're bold,
you're actually doing the "heavy lifting" of attraction in the very
process.

So what's it going to be from now on?

If you "ride it like you're afraid of it" women will "chew you up
and spit you out".

Your passivity robs you not only of the very chance to be with a
woman, but also the masculinity that would intrigue her.

Before you know it, you're suffering from some nasty "road rash".

Choose boldness instead, resting in the knowledge that your very
choice itself is already making you a more attractive man.

 

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