[X&Y] Handling The Trickiest "Tests" From Women

Published: Tue, 11/05/24

Updated: Wed, 11/06/24



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WHAT'S INSIDE: When you feel like a woman is "testing" you, are
you confident that you know exactly what's going through her head?
Most guys think first about how to "pass" the test...big mistake.

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ARE WOMEN'S TESTS REALLY WHAT THEY SEEM TO BE?


The other day I was on a coaching call with a guy discussing the
finer points of how women test men.

Recently, he had taken a woman he has just started getting to know
to the movies.

Now while I generally don't recommend movie dates with women we
barely know yet, I have to give the guy kudos for having a very set
plan in this situation...especially since this was the third or fourth
date and not the first. 

Since both he and she work odd hours, he took her to the last show
on a Monday night of a movie that is nearing the end of its run in
theaters.

You guessed it...it was an empty theater. They could laugh and joke
all they wanted to without disturbing anyone else. 

If there's any potential upside to the dreaded "dark silence" movie
date, my man had found it. 

But that's not to say everything went off without a hitch.  In
fact, the guy was confronted with a pretty serious "test" (as he
put it) right as he and the woman entered the theater.

As he motioned to her that they would be sitting right in the
middle of the theater, she continued to bolt up the steps to the
very top row.

Planting herself in the center seat at the very top she said, "No
way.  YOU need to come up here.  This is where I ALWAYS sit."

Immediately our hero felt a power struggle brewing.

To give in and go sit with her would theoretically require
giving his power away on a silver platter. 

And in his mind, that would mean "failing the test".

But then again, he recognized that standing his ground could
produce even more disastrous results.

After all, what kind of narrow-minded jerkwad would stand there
like a kindergartner throwing a tantrum until the woman relented?
Never mind how small a deal the whole matter was to begin with. 

Man...how many times have ALL of us as men found ourselves in the
midst of a tricky situation like that?

Granted, most normal "nice guy" types would simply shake their head
and go join the woman on the top row. 

Meanwhile, just about every guy who has ever read any dating advice
at all would immediately cringe at the thought of "giving in to a
woman's tests" like that.

So what's the deal?  How does a guy "pass the test" in such a
scenario as this?

Well, here's a potential solution that you may have never
considered before, possibly because it's nothing short of contrary
to every thought process we as guys tend to favor.

You see, when women "test" us their intentions may be very
different than what we as men perceive them to be.

First of all, bear in mind that the whole idea of competition is
one that's favored by the male psyche. 

We love WINNING and detest LOSING.  For sure, one of the
greatest insults one dude can hand another is to call him a "loser".

So when faced with a "test", we read it as a competition.  Then
the archetypal fear of getting beaten by a girl sometime sets in
for certain guys.

This way of thinking first rears its ugly head when we consider
approaching a woman, of course.  But unfortunately, it tends to
stick around long past its welcome in the form of overblown fight
or flight responses to simple challenges from women.

But the reality of the situation when a woman "tests" you is that
she may not be looking to "win" per se.  

That's right...in her mind such challenges might not be conceived as
power struggles at all.

They only become that when we as guys decide they are, and lead
accordingly. 

So then, what is her friggin' point, already?

Well, to answer that, let's get down to the basics of what makes
women feel attraction toward you.

First, can you express natural masculinity as a man who has a plan,
and remains calm, cool and collected whatever comes up?

Further, are you confident in your plan and in your decisions
associated with it?

If so, she'll find that sexually attractive...literally.

Plus, you can bet she's wondering if you know how to have any fun
as opposed to being like the millions of other guys who are too
flippin' serious all the time for their own good.

She's also curious about whether or not you can be trusted as a
competent protector and provider. 

Now, we're not talking about handing her a million dollars and/or
beating up whatever thugs try to coldcock her at a 24-hour ATM
machine here. 

What she's really looking for is a man who knows how to put her
best interests at heart in a way that puts her at ease.  She wants
to know you tend to make effective decisions and that she can feel
SAFE and SECURE in your presence.

That's what she wants.  And if you are THAT guy she'll love you for
it.

So basically, if you haven't figured it out already, all of this is
NOT really about where you sit in the blasted movie theater.

Unless she's some über-manipulative chick who you should avoid
anyway, she's not trying to OWN you. 

She simply wants to know how you handle yourself in various
situations...because she LIKES you.

That's right.  Women "test" you when they LIKE you.  Think of it as
an open invitation to act like a man and turn her on.

I mean, If she couldn't get out of that movie theater fast enough,
why would she put forth any effort?

So with all of this in mind, let's return to the movie theater where
we left our friend.

The guy's best response to the woman's "test" in this case is
NEITHER to flatly capitulate to her NOR to stick to his guns.  Both
of those reactions would turn the "test" into an unwinnable
contest.

The less-than-obvious and far more creative choice is to take back
control of the whole scenario by changing the game plan entirely.

How's that done?

Upon being challenged by the woman, he may say this (after a bit
of a pause, and with a sly smile on his face):

"Oh, I don't know... You'd better be sure you know what you're asking
for.  Because if I have to come up there it WILL NOT be to sit next
to you."

Regardless of how she responds, he moves closer to where she is
even as she's still talking. 

But instead of sitting beside her with his hands folded like "Mr.
Nice Guy", he at the very least starts tickling her and telling her
that her new nickname is "Trouble".

And preferably, he picks her up, slings her over his shoulder and
carries her down to the middle aisle seat where he wanted to sit to
begin with.

Note that there is nothing overtly sexual and no opportunistic
grabbing going on here.  That's important.

Most likely, she'll be giggling and playfully hammering him on the
back all the while.

But...as soon as he sits her in the seat, he starts his way back to
the back row.

At that point, she'll likely say, "What?  Where are you going?"
...to which he'll calmly and thoughtfully respond, "For some reason,
I've decided that this movie will be MUCH better if seen from the
back row.  I heard that's where all the excitement is...especially
now that I'm there."

At this point whether she comes and joins him in the back row or
stays where she is becomes immaterial.  Wherever they end up
sitting, he whispers in her ear, "Ah...I knew you'd eventually see
things my way."

(And then he'd probably better kiss the poor girl after working her
up like that.)

What I've suggested here is SO outside the realm of what most guys
would come up with on the fly that you may in fact be doubting it's
potential effectiveness.

Fair enough, then.  So why would so brash of a response end up
working to the guy's advantage?

First, assuming that the woman is an emotionally well-adjusted
person, such a challenge from her means she's probably hoping for
a little playfulness as opposed to a pointless argument. 

Remember, a "test" is only a CONTEST if you LET IT BE.  She's
probably not thinking win/lose.  That's a guy thing. 

She's simply thinking "yes" or "no" regarding how you respond, and
a "yes" absolutely does not have to be at the expense of her loss.
What results from the test is simply either a pleasant experience
or not.

She's curious as to how you are when things happen out of the blue.
What IS your leadership style?  Do you have her best interests at
heart? 

Can you make her feel safe and secure by doing what's right...without
being either a pushover or a macho, controlling jerk? 

Do you know how to stop being so serious all the time and have some
Fun?

All too often, that's really what tests are all about..  And when we as
guys respond as effectively as possible, it really is no contest...
everyone wins.
 

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