[X&Y] She's Out With You...And Showing Zero Interest?

Published: Sat, 12/07/24

Updated: Sat, 12/07/24

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IN THIS EDITION: How do read a "poker faced" woman's level of
interest in you on a first date? Sometimes it seems practically
impossible to do so, doesn't it?

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"WHAT QUESTIONS DO I ASK HER?"

I'm getting TONS of questions from you guys about how to make
conversation with women on dates, and how to make sure to
avoid those painful "awkward silences".

Well, as fortune would have it there's a great (and
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SERIOUS AMMO with which to combat that particular problem.

It's from none other than the world's top romance expert
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stash of GREAT conversation starters.

It doesn't matter whether you are on a first date or wanting
to take things to the "next level" with a woman you're just
starting to get to know:

Questions To Ask Women

Mike's been featured in practically every major magazine and
newspaper. He has appeared on over 500 TV and radio shows and
has 18 books to his credit.

But that is not what REALLY amazes me. It's that Michael and
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When it comes to relationships, this guy knows his stuff.

Since we're friends he recently provided me with a copy of his
other BRAND NEW book 500 Intimate Questions For Couples.

You can check THAT one out here:

More Intimate Questions For Couples

This book, like the other I just introduced you to, gives you
a WHOLE BUNCH of great conversations starters.

BUT...this one is geared more toward helping you strengthen
your relationship with a woman you've known for quite a while.

(Sounds like a great "sequel" to the other one, right?)

These questions are guaranteed to:

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Right now, Michael is offering a one-time special that goes
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P.S. YES...these books are designed for a co-ed audience. Women
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features.

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QUESTION FROM A READER

Hey Scot, I hope all is going well.

On a first date how do you handle a situation where
you can't tell if she is interested in you at all?

Last night I had a Match.com date.We met for
drinks at an Italian restaurant.

She did a few things to make think she was interested,
and she did a few things that made it seem she wasn't..

THE GOOD THINGS: Ran her fingers through her hair
several times, A few times I was able to sustain a long
warm smile on her face while talking to her.

A few times she would spin on her stool directly at me
and lean in. Several times I gave her some really good
chuckles that made her relax and warm up. Sometimes
she was warm.

THE NOT SO GOOD SIGNS: She talked a lot about
her problems with finding the right guys. She wondered
if something was wrong with her.

She was asking me general advice on how to let a guy
know she is interested with out coming on too strong.

You know Scot these type of questions are something
a woman would ask a platonic male friend, and at times
this is exactly how I felt.

My gut feeling is sort of telling me that she is lacking
attraction for me.

At the end of the night, I walked her to her car. We
hugged and I kissed her on the cheek.

I am motivated to see her again. She turns me on
physically. She seems that she may have the level
of character I am looking for in a woman.

This is my plan: Call her tonight and thank her for
driving out to my town to meet me. Let her know that
I want to see her a 2nd time to better find out if there
is a mutual connection.

What are your thoughts? How would you better test
the waters to find out if the attraction is mutual?

Also feel free to check out her Match.com profile:

[withheld]

Thanks!

Dennis (Duluth, GA)

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Thanks for the e-mail, Dennis.

She's a cutie. A "girl next door" type, for sure.

She also hasn't been active on Match.com for a
week. That's good news for you. She's not
diligently searching on Match.com for the next
guy to go out on a date with.

And a week may as well be an eternity in the
online dating world.

No woman who is getting any attention
whatsoever online (let alone a lot of it, as this
particular woman is probably getting with such a
well done profile) can resist checking in for more
than forty-eight hours...max.

This is all field-tested truth, by the way.

In fact, based on what you've told me thus far,
in my opinion it's ALL good news for you.

When I began reading this e-mail I thought
you were going to start talking about a woman
who gave absolutely no indicators of interest
whatsoever.

By that I mean she's stone-faced with detached,
closed body language and a "hands off" attitude.

But here you have a woman who is giving
CLASSIC signs of approval and indeed flat-out
attraction.

She's engaged in the conversation.

She's smiling and laughing,even leaning in.
That's a solid one.

There most likely WILL be a second date, and
you absolutely should call her.

I'd leave out the part about seeing if there's a
"mutual connection" and simply let your invitation
to see you again speak for itself.

There's really no need to couch it in formalities or anything else
that could artificially (and unnecessarily) inject awkwardness into
the conversation.

Going forward, here are two key ideas to keep in mind when reading
a woman's level of interest on a first date:

1) Most women aren't going to be "all over you" on first dates.

The unfortunate social stigma of being "forward" aside, women are
just as interested in NOT appearing clingy, needy and/or straight-up
desperate as men are (or should be).

Besides, they LOVE when a man can take the lead (Note: This is not
to be confused with "chasing".

True leadership is in fact choosing versus chasing--she's typically
waiting on YOU as a man to make decisions, even as far as the
progression of the relationship is concerned.)

2) Be very careful categorizing friendly conversation as a bad
thing.

The problem with the "Just Be Friends Zone" is the word "Just",
not the word "Friends".

A lot of dating/seduction advice for men seems to talk about
avoiding friendship with women in general.

This is an unfortunate overreaction to pandemic neediness and
wussiness on the part of many men.

Truth be told, a woman can discuss what's on her mind with you in a
casual, matter of fact manner just like she would with platonic
friends and still very much be wildly hot for you under the
surface.

In fact, creating a friendship with her is crucial, otherwise there's
nothing else there BUT the sexual attraction.

The difference-maker between "JBF" and the desired result is quite
simply your masculine ability to ignite femininity. That's the
ingredient that creates attraction.

Without that, the conversation might turn to asking your opinion on
specific guys she is attracted to...and I'd agree that would NOT be
a good sign.

But let's back off from the general principle at play here and take
a closer look at your particular situation for a second.

She's talking about questions she has that specifically relate to
being attractive to men and showing attraction toward them.

My educated guess is that she knew exactly what she was doing,
and was actually fishing for your impressions of her...all the while
seeking out your input on how she might show her interest towards
you in a manner you'd appropriate.

So maybe she wasn't quite able to contain the "needy impulse" as
much as you might have thought, after all.

I'm wondering how you answered her questions, and--more
importantly--did you give her something she could act upon?

If so...did she?

I hope you didn't miss any of that if it happened right there in
the moment. Once again, it's difficult for us guys to get outside
our own heads sometimes.

By the way, remember the stone-faced "hands-off" chick from a the
beginning of this e-mail? You can't judge a book by its cover even
in those situations.

Sometimes women are very, very cautious--both with their actions
and their words.

They may be protective because of past experiences with unworthy
guys, their mamas may have told them to never be "forward", or
they may just not have the kind of personality that shows
attraction so obviously.

These women, ironically, are often the ones who come to Emily
wondering why they don't get asked on second dates!

Usually the answer, of course, is that guys don't consider there to
have been any interest on her part...even though under the poker-faced
surface, there was plenty going on.

Generally speaking, lack of decided DISinterest can actually indicate
very good news in the overall sense.

The big test is if such a woman goes on the second date. If she's
there, she remains at least somewhat interested--regardless of her
signals.

Then if there's a third date, there's no doubt about her interest level.

This assumes, of course, that the main attraction on such dates is
you--not how much money you're spending. But that's not what's
going on in your case. Great job taking her someplace casual with
an upbeat and fun atmosphere.

You are doing a lot of things correctly. Keep it up my good man.

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