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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Lots of men really just want
one great girlfriend. So why does men's dating
advice generally influence men to avoid that?

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
 

Hey Scot:

I have an honest question for you.Though I’ve
ribbed you on forums before about how you
always talk about your wife, I think I am very
similar to you in that respect.

I have a very serious gf who I will soon get
engaged to.She is a sweetheart. The PUA
sites really push the concept of being poly-
amorous.

I guess if you’re a 20 year old kid you want
to have fun, and we all have our hedonistic
fantasies even when in a great relationship.

But my question to you is: Do you think it’s
wrong for these sites to push this poly-
amorous concept?

Let’s be honest here- 99% of the women I
have met want a monogamous boyfriend.

Sure there are younger women in sororities
or others between relationships that want to
date around, but overall our society tells
women that they want 1 boyfriend / mate.

There’s nothing better than a great
monogamous relationship. Forgetting even
the physical aspect, the emotional connection
cannot be matched.

Should the community be spreading this type
of relationship rather than being playboy
PUAs?

I think this aspect of their philosophy is totally
off base. Curious as to your thoughts.
 

Cheers,

Bradley



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Hey Bradley, man. What a phenomenal topic
you've brought up. There’s a lot there to comment
on.

One time years ago a certain well-known PUA’s
marketing guy really pushed me to set up an interview
with him, even though I didn’t see much in common
between our philosophies.

I kid you not, it wasn’t two minutes into the ensuing
conversation with the PUA that he literally insulted
me for being married.

My response to him was very simple.

I told him what he didn’t get was that I WANTED to
be married. I had been where he is and he had never
been where I am, which made me more qualified to
opine on the matter.

That pissed him off. Oh well.

Several years later he was married...and a dad.

Go figure.

So what drives the "playboy lifestyle" marketing,
then?

If you read any of the masters of marketing
copywriting they’ll tell you a shockingly small
number of major themes consistently SELL.

One of them is immediate gratification.

The other, as you may have guessed already, is
lust (aka “sex sells”).

Social acceptance is another, which certainly
applies here.

For what it's worth, “security” typically replaces
“lust” in the women’s dating advice market quite
effectively.

So then, the most commercially successful dating
advice for men sells lust, immediate gratification,
and social acceptance.

That's because the sales strategy WORKS, even
if the real-world results are left wanting.

Note this is STILL the case, even in the so-called
"#MeToo era".

To spin this another way, you WON’T read about
sexual responsibility, STDs, consent or condom
use in marketing copy directed at single guys.

Nor will you find much about unwanted
pregnancies, obsessed crazy chicks, ugly law
suits or any other possible logical outcomes from
immediate and frequent sexual gratification.

It’s not that all of that isn’t important. Everyone
with a brain knows it is.

It’s just that those topics are a buzzkill when it
comes to marketing.

That stuff doesn’t SELL.

But let’s be fair here. As much as people want
to bust on PUAs, etc. for being “commercial” or
“sell outs”, the naked truth is that selling stuff is
what frees them up to work their craft full time.

So then, for most shops it’s a no-brainer to
default to what SELLS.

Things will change only when the “silent majority”
of guys who really want one great girlfriend stop
throwing money at the “get laid quick” message.

In case you haven't figured it out, I've thrived for
over seventeen years now boldly writing specifically
to that "silent majority" (aka most of you guys
reading this).

But granted, I've intentionally (and uniquely)
cornered a "niche market" of the relatively few
high-character men who are savvy enough to
know who they really are and what they really
want.

Meanwhile, other dating advice outlets for men
will likely NEVER change. The tenets of
marketing are what they are.

All the best to you. If you’re truly excited about
your future, so am I.

Be Good,