[X&Y] "Carrot And Stick" Sex Tactics
Published: Sat, 09/28/24
Updated: Sat, 09/28/24
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WHAT'S INSIDE: She says she'll only have sex once the relationship
is exclusive...but meanwhile she sure isn't shy about making her
sexual appetite perfectly clear. What's wrong with this picture?
=====
NO MORE "BEATING AROUND THE BUSH"
If you don't know how to do this one specific thing, then
you're missing out on one of the great thrills available to
you in this life.
This Makes Women Happy...
Fortunately, the skill is an easy one to learn.
And when you know it, the game playing I'll describe
below in this newsletter comes to a grinding halt...
perhaps literally.
Women just straight-up WANT you:
...And It Makes You Happy Too
Oh, I should probably tell you that this is probably "not
safe for work".
=====
DEALING WITH HER "CARROT AND STICK" SEX TACTICS
Scot,
Here's what happened. I want to make sure I'm not missing
anything when I look at this situation.
Yesterday, a woman I've been seeing and I spent the day together.
All was good, we had a great time.
Then we get back to my place...she has to get up early and we're
both dead tired so we basically head straight to bed.
We kiss and hold each other a bit--nothing too energetic. She
starts asking me what some of my sexual fantasies are, and
Yesterday, a woman I've been seeing and I spent the day together.
All was good, we had a great time.
Then we get back to my place...she has to get up early and we're
both dead tired so we basically head straight to bed.
We kiss and hold each other a bit--nothing too energetic. She
starts asking me what some of my sexual fantasies are, and
grinding herself against my crotch.
We start to kiss more passionately, and I'm telling her she's
getting me all riled up, and I thought she was tired.
Both our hands start to roam a bit. I'm thinking she wants a
quickie or something before we go to sleep, so I go to start taking
her pants off, and she stops me.
So I ask her if she's on her cycle or just not in the mood. She
says no, it goes back to exclusivity. She said she doesn't want to
have sex if we're not exclusive.
I thought it was clear from a conversation we had a few days ago
that she just wasn't going to date other guys if she was sleeping
with someone else.
I had told her that I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and of
course we weren't going to expose each other to STDs.
So back to the situation, I'm quite displeased at this point but
staying calm.
She says, "Well, you liked the grinding, didn't you?" I said that I
did, but didn't like her carrot and stick approach to exclusivity.
She seems to think it's miscommunication at this point, and I tell
her that her grinding on me and asking about sexual fantasies
We start to kiss more passionately, and I'm telling her she's
getting me all riled up, and I thought she was tired.
Both our hands start to roam a bit. I'm thinking she wants a
quickie or something before we go to sleep, so I go to start taking
her pants off, and she stops me.
So I ask her if she's on her cycle or just not in the mood. She
says no, it goes back to exclusivity. She said she doesn't want to
have sex if we're not exclusive.
I thought it was clear from a conversation we had a few days ago
that she just wasn't going to date other guys if she was sleeping
with someone else.
I had told her that I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and of
course we weren't going to expose each other to STDs.
So back to the situation, I'm quite displeased at this point but
staying calm.
She says, "Well, you liked the grinding, didn't you?" I said that I
did, but didn't like her carrot and stick approach to exclusivity.
She seems to think it's miscommunication at this point, and I tell
her that her grinding on me and asking about sexual fantasies
(both of which she initiated) while she wasn't prepared to finish
what she started was tantamount to manipulation.
And here's the question--does this sound to you like I'm
overreacting to an innocent miscommunication or am properly
And here's the question--does this sound to you like I'm
overreacting to an innocent miscommunication or am properly
called out manipulative behavior?
If the latter, have I successfully called out bad behavior in a way
that means it's not likely to recur, or does this sound like a
character defect?
This certainly fails the TGR-R (The Golden Rule, Reversed) test.
I don't believe in sleeping in someone's bed and sexually
stimulating them with no intent for it to go anywhere, and
definitely not chaining it to exclusivity.
I was strongly thinking about going exclusive--she's great in so
many ways--but her trying to barter sexual activity for an
increased commitment still looms large in my mind.
Thanks,
Frank (Slidell, LA)
=====
Hello Frank, and thanks for writing.
Yes, her behavior is absolutely manipulative.
The unfortunate part for her is that she's setting herself up for
a guy to say, "Why sure, I'll make you my steady girlfriend. Now
give it up."
And, of course, once she agrees, he just might call her the next
day and say, "I'm sorry, I can't do this after all. I'm just not ready."
But as you duly noted with your TGR-R reference, you're not that
kind of guy.
And that's why you deserve better than her.
This is a lesson every man and woman needs to learn.
We're all human beings. Nobody, regardless of gender, gets a
If the latter, have I successfully called out bad behavior in a way
that means it's not likely to recur, or does this sound like a
character defect?
This certainly fails the TGR-R (The Golden Rule, Reversed) test.
I don't believe in sleeping in someone's bed and sexually
stimulating them with no intent for it to go anywhere, and
definitely not chaining it to exclusivity.
I was strongly thinking about going exclusive--she's great in so
many ways--but her trying to barter sexual activity for an
increased commitment still looms large in my mind.
Thanks,
Frank (Slidell, LA)
=====
Hello Frank, and thanks for writing.
Yes, her behavior is absolutely manipulative.
The unfortunate part for her is that she's setting herself up for
a guy to say, "Why sure, I'll make you my steady girlfriend. Now
give it up."
And, of course, once she agrees, he just might call her the next
day and say, "I'm sorry, I can't do this after all. I'm just not ready."
But as you duly noted with your TGR-R reference, you're not that
kind of guy.
And that's why you deserve better than her.
This is a lesson every man and woman needs to learn.
We're all human beings. Nobody, regardless of gender, gets a
"free pass" when it comes to manipulation, whether it turns out
well for the manipulator or not.
She wants a boyfriend, and is attempting to use sex as a weapon
She wants a boyfriend, and is attempting to use sex as a weapon
to get what she wants.
This is the opposite of representing what the other sex wants
and therefore inspiring MOTOS (members of the other sex) to
This is the opposite of representing what the other sex wants
and therefore inspiring MOTOS (members of the other sex) to
give generously in return.
She'll end up with manipulative men who follow the pattern I
described as due recompense for her behavior patterns, and will
likely end up thinking "all men are the same".
She'll also encounter her share of men who have a greater measure
of self-respect and who will therefore respond with, "thanks, but
no thanks", as I'm sure you will do.
Unfortunately, she'll (incorrectly) attribute the latter to not being
desirable to the kind of men she's most attracted to.
This is a classic example of how damaging selfishness really is
to one's ability to relate to MOTOS effectively and build solid
relationships with them.
For what it's worth, like most matters of dating/relationship
dynamics this is NOT gender specific.
For example, were we to try to trick a woman into sex sooner than
she is inherently comfortable with, we shouldn't be surprised that
we're either manipulated in return or kicked to the curb.
Yet some guys go about their interactions with women exactly
like that, only to write me later wondering why women "reject"
them so often and/or are "mean to them" in general.
Both of those end results are quite preventable, if only we
present ourselves as "big four" men. Make yourself irresistible
to her, and she'll convince herself that she has to have you. No
manipulation necessary.
That's notwithstanding any ulterior agenda she has in the
works, of course. A man's still got to look alive out there.
Meanwhile, putting the shoe back on the other foot just for
demonstrative purposes here, look at the truth about your female
friend's situation here.
She's about to get broken up with when up until now you were
seriously considering making her your girlfriend...and it's all
because of her manipulative tactics.
And worst of all, her heartache may not be due to her being a
"bad person" as it were. You can possibly attribute it purely to
impatience.
With maturity she may figure it all out. We can only hope she
hasn't become jaded against men by then.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
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She'll end up with manipulative men who follow the pattern I
described as due recompense for her behavior patterns, and will
likely end up thinking "all men are the same".
She'll also encounter her share of men who have a greater measure
of self-respect and who will therefore respond with, "thanks, but
no thanks", as I'm sure you will do.
Unfortunately, she'll (incorrectly) attribute the latter to not being
desirable to the kind of men she's most attracted to.
This is a classic example of how damaging selfishness really is
to one's ability to relate to MOTOS effectively and build solid
relationships with them.
For what it's worth, like most matters of dating/relationship
dynamics this is NOT gender specific.
For example, were we to try to trick a woman into sex sooner than
she is inherently comfortable with, we shouldn't be surprised that
we're either manipulated in return or kicked to the curb.
Yet some guys go about their interactions with women exactly
like that, only to write me later wondering why women "reject"
them so often and/or are "mean to them" in general.
Both of those end results are quite preventable, if only we
present ourselves as "big four" men. Make yourself irresistible
to her, and she'll convince herself that she has to have you. No
manipulation necessary.
That's notwithstanding any ulterior agenda she has in the
works, of course. A man's still got to look alive out there.
Meanwhile, putting the shoe back on the other foot just for
demonstrative purposes here, look at the truth about your female
friend's situation here.
She's about to get broken up with when up until now you were
seriously considering making her your girlfriend...and it's all
because of her manipulative tactics.
And worst of all, her heartache may not be due to her being a
"bad person" as it were. You can possibly attribute it purely to
impatience.
With maturity she may figure it all out. We can only hope she
hasn't become jaded against men by then.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
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