[X&Y] Do Only Extroverts Get Women? (And What To Do If You're Not)
Published: Mon, 10/07/24
Updated: Mon, 10/07/24
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Think you've got to be
the "life of the party" in order to attractwomen?
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ARE YOU FED UP WITH NO WOMEN
IN YOUR LIFE?
IN YOUR LIFE?
If you're convinced getting the right woman
is #1 on your list of goals, then it's
time you took control of your own destiny.
Leaving it to chance isn't going to work
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DO ONLY EXTROVERTS GET WOMEN?
When it comes to dating advice for guys, how many times have we
heard about the importance of being the "alpha" man in a room full
of people?
After all, women are magically drawn to confidence and leadership,
aren't they? And a charismatic personality is generally understood
to kick the attraction potential into hyperdrive. Right?
Well, that's what we're led to believe.
But there's a problem. Not everyone has the same personality
type, do they?
As long as there yet exists a "strong silent type" persona that
carries archetypal mystique in the imaginations of certain women,
the reality shall remain that there just isn't a blanket solution
when it comes to identifying one single and all-conquering "type"
that is sure to attract all women.
To illustrate this further, consider how "cocky/funny" is powerfully
effective stuff...but only with women who find it, well, powerfully
effective. Some very attractive women just don't resonate with it
for whatever reason. That's life.
But wait a minute. How then is the "strong silent guy" supposed
to stand out in a loud, flamboyant, extroverted world?
The very real truth is a guy with an introverted personality may
have incredible potential for igniting attraction in certain women.
But how can he effectively convey that in a bar full of people?
That's a good question, and I've been asked it more than once
within the past couple of weeks alone.
In offering a potential answer to it, let's focus on a key scenario
in a bar/club setting. The true badass has the flat-out confidence
and energy to be a part of a larger group of people and TAKE
CHARGE of it.
The guy who controls the mood and the flow of a group of people
(be they all women or mixed company) is the guy who is best
positioned for creating attraction among the women of that
group.
This makes sense.
Once you've mastered "working the crowd", as the best stand-up
comedians are known for, you can often find yourself in the
envious position of taking your pick as to which woman you'd
like to single out for a more private conversation.
Common wisdom says this requires a gregarious personality of
the most outgoing sort.
Not so fast.
The most powerful boardroom chairmen--and indeed the most
effective U.S. Presidents--tend to have something in common when
it comes to group dynamics. And I believe that they have a
valuable secret that introverted guys can learn from when it comes
to winning over a room full of people.
Their secret is this: they are fantastic listeners. What's more,
they are equally adept at involving others and evaluating opinions.
John F. Kennedy in particular was known for being able to hold a
group of high level dignitaries and/or cabinet members at absolute
rapt attention.
Bear in mind these groups were typically composed of men with
immense egos.
Yet, JFK actually said relatively little.
Instead, he urged involvement from particular individuals at the table
with him and paid full attention to their input. When any one person
had completed his thought, he would quickly hand off the subject to
someone else. Often he would enact the transition by simply asking
another person to "continue the thought" or "offer his or her opinion".
Invariably, the culmination of all this was a great desire on the
part of those at the table to finally hear Kennedy's word on the
matter.
Not once having elbowed his way into the conversation to exert his
views, by the time he spoke all eyes were trained upon his and all
ears were hanging on his every word.
A man of great character may be confident, masculine and very
much a leader. But he may not be "the life of the party".
The untold truth, however, is that he can indeed emerge as the most
overwhelmingly attractive man in the group even at a bar or club...
if he can do what JFK could.
Lead. Listen. Care. Earn respect and in the process you will
have the full attention of some high-quality women.
Will this work always? Will it be effective everywhere? Nothing
is...not even the more mainstream "game" tactics, right? But if
you are an introverted man, what we've discussed here today is
one serious and more natural alternative to a persona that doesn't
fit.
By the way, whatever your personality type, try JFK's attitude on
for size at work sometime. Watch your career gain forward
mobility as a result.
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