[X&Y] How To Keep Your Composure When Meeting Women

Published: Fri, 10/11/24

Updated: Fri, 10/11/24



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IN THIS EDITION: A great quarterback has "field vision".; Men who
are great at meeting women have "approach vision". Are you one of
them?

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ONCE AND FOR ALL, IT'S TIME TO APPROACH WOMEN
WITHOUT FEAR


We're going to talk about approaching women and getting their
numbers today. It's important stuff.

After all, even if you want to build a great long-term relationship
with a high quality woman and live happily ever after you still
have to MEET her first, right?

Well, by now I've gotten to know many, many of you who read these
newsletters and I've got a pretty good idea of what you're like.

You're sharp, you have a lot going for you, and you may even be a
bit past the "newbie" stage when it comes to women.

And you're most definitely NOT into learning pickup lines and stuff
like that.

But even if you're not so interested in being a "pickup artist",
you STILL want to master the art of meeting women, igniting
attraction and making plans to see them again.

That's precisely why I created The Man's Approach...just for you:


 
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HOW TO KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE WHEN MEETING WOMEN
 
 
With the NFL season in full swing, I got to thinking about
how a hallmark of all great quarterbacks is a somewhat intangible
skill called "field vision".

Basically, what we're talking about here is their instinctual
ability to read what's going on around them during a play so as to
somehow discern order from what others may see as pure chaos.

This, as you might imagine, gives them a devastating advantage
when it comes to making spot decisions in the moment that lead to a
perfectly executed play.

If you've ever heard an NBA commentator speak of a point guard as
if he's "got eyes in the back of his head", he's talking about the
very same thing.
 
But no matter what sport we're talking about, it's invariably
"field vision" that separates the very best playmakers on the field
from the also-rans.

So what does this have to do with you getting better at meeting
women and igniting femininity?

Well, despite my stubborn reticence to refer to a strong skillset
with women as "having game", I'm going to bend the rules a bit
today...if only for the sake of making a point.

You see, just like on the sports field you're going to need to
master the functional equivalent of "field vision" when you're
IN-field meeting women.

Let's call this specialized version "approach vision", as I think
it describes what's called for perfectly.

First off, consider one of the most damaging mistakes that most
of us tend to make when contemplating whether or not to approach
a woman we have our eye on.

That is that we focus inwardly rather than outwardly.

Think about it.  It's SO true.  Man...when we see a woman we know
we want to meet and start feeling the "butterflies", all we can think
about is finding the perfect thing to say and not messing up. 

Ye olde "analysis paralysis" kicks into high gear in a jiffy, and
we're suddenly extremely nervous.   The introspective "civil war"
is on at that point, right?

Never mind the simple fact that many, many guys wimp out at that
point, for reasons I just described.  Let's assume for now that we
fight through that inward self-talk and actually DO the approach.

Because our energy is focused on keeping our own powder dry
in that situation, it's almost invariably the case that we completely
neglect to assess the situation around us in the moment.
 
In the name of keeping our act together, we simply take a deep
breath and we soldier through delivering our opener...and once
done, we immediately move to a frantic state of all-out panic
scrambling to figure out what to say next. 

That is, if we can even form those thoughts through the fear of
imminent rejection.

To cut to the chase here, if the crazy example I just laid out
sounds hauntingly familiar your sense of "approach vision" needs
work.

Don't be too hard on yourself here, though. 

Let's just say that for any quarterback, acquiring amazing composure
in the pocket requires an immense amount of game day experience. 

Throw you or me in this coming week's game as an emergency backup,
and my educated guess is that as soon as we took that first snap we'd
pretty much white out and spike the ball the instant we saw two pro-bowl
linebackers hurtling in our direction.

That's because we wouldn't have nearly enough experience at dealing
with a situation like that.  The intensity would melt our faces off.

Well, meeting women is no different.  With time, you really do
begin to relax and stop gripping so hard over the possibility of
screwing up.

That cool, calm, relaxed demeanor is the first step to developing
effective "approach vision".
 
Once you ease off from the analysis loop driven by fear and
inexperience, something magical starts happening.
 
You begin to pay more attention to the woman you're approaching.

Remember, women are hardwired to follow our lead.  So if YOU'RE
horrified and nervous, that's how SHE'S likely to feel when you
approach her.  If YOU are pessimistic about her actually liking
you, SHE'S likely to agree.

It's safe to say that just like in the NFL, if you "white out and
spike the ball" when meeting a woman you'll get nowhere.

However, the basic foundational skills associated with "approach
vision" allow you to actually read how the woman is responding to
you.  You can focus on making sure she is comfortable in your
presence and enjoying your company.

Do you see how that level of composure really would separate the
champions from the "bench warmers"?

But there's more to it, of course.  And here's the golden factor
that even guys who are genuinely good with women often overlook.

A true master of "approach vision" will also evaluate everything
else going on around him when approaching a woman.  That's
right...the focus isn't only on the two of them.
 
As such, he is careful to socially engineer the scenario as
necessary before actually talking to a woman instead of just
blindly jumping into the situation.

You want examples, and I've got 'em.

Okay, let's say you walk into a store at the mall and there's a
woman working there who intrigues you.

Without "approach vision", you might wait until you pay up front
and are about to leave before getting her number.

But since her boss is standing right next to her at the cash
register, she'd quickly change the subject and you'd leave
empty-handed.  Tragically, she may have actually wanted to
continue the conversation with you, but couldn't because she'd
get in trouble.  

You will have just flat-out fumbled on the play.

A skilled "field general" would have asked the woman to help him
find something in a corner of the store away from where the boss
was, and gotten her number in that more discreet setting.

Or how about if you see a woman seated at a restaurant by herself?
Your first impulse may be to walk up to her, acknowledge that
eating lunch alone is never any fun, and invite yourself to sit down--
all in the name of brightening her day.

That's a great plan...and one I've followed through with myself on
many occasions in the past.  It works like a charm.

BUT...without "approach vision", her husband might return from the
rest room right as you're blurting out the first sentence to her. 

The all-pro quarterback in a situation like this would have
waited and watched for several minutes just to see that the coast
was really clear.

Further, even if a guy did come and sit with her, skillful
"approach vision" would help you hang in there and gauge what the
actual relationship between the two was before automatically
bailing out.

And how about this?  Here's a real-world example from a recent
coaching call.

You go to your favorite sandwich shop at high noon as usual, when
it's pretty crowded.  I mean, hey...that's your typical routine at
the usual time.

But today you're caught by surprise.  They've hired an amazingly
sexy girl behind the counter who seems to be acting extra
friendly toward you.

Standing next to her is some dorky male coworker.  Looming behind
you are two dozen hungry worker-bees who probably have about 12
minutes to get their lunch, choke it down and get back on the job.

Without "approach vision", you'd probably force the issue and try
to get her number no matter what.

But if you're a master of what we're talking about here you would
save your breath...temporarily.

Rather than hamfist things right then and there, you'd return about
1:30 the next day, when the lunch rush had all but subsided.  If the
woman works day shift on weekdays, the chances are good she'll be
there.  (And if not...you know where she works and there will be
another day.)

And if the dorky male coworker is there also, "approach vision"
will allow you to realize that he's probably been drooling all over
the poor girl since she was hired.  And what has she likely said
to him to keep him at bay?  You guessed it:  "I have a boyfriend".

Knowing that, you send the guy into the back to find you some
freakin' "hoagie hots" or whatever. 

Then, with a nice quiet setting, you casually tell the hottie
behind the counter that you'd like to talk to her sometime when
she's not on the clock, when she wouldn't even have to make you a
sandwich.   She gleefully writes down her number and hands it to
you--all without having blown her cover.

"Approach vision".  It's the "intangible" that separates the men
from the boys when it comes to meeting women.  Importantly, it's
often also what separates the alleged "naturals" from the "keyboard
jockeys".  

Having read all of this, can you see how powerful what I've just
shared with you actually is?  Getchasum...
 

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