[X&Y] You Mess Up Once...And Women Reject You?

Published: Tue, 10/15/24

Updated: Tue, 10/15/24



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IN THIS EDITION:  Is it like if we ever slip up even once we've
blown it?

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ALL THE RIGHT MOVES


I can't believe it's been fifteen years since I heard Rob Brinded
for the first time on a David DeAngelo interview.

To be completely honest, I had no idea what to think. He was
saying some of the weirdest things ever.

But he had been working as a trainer for a famous British football
club, his specialty being human movement.

As it turns out, Rob has this rare and interesting gift of being
able to look at an athlete and tell exactly how he could play his
sport better...just by making adjustments to how he moves.

Well, Rob's unique skills are equally, if not even more effective
at helping you become more attractive to women.

I'm sure you've long since noticed that when a woman catches your
eye it's all about how she moves. There's a certain feminine,
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your head, right?

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In fact, Rob has a study showing that women are even more
tuned in to how a man moves than we've ever imagined...probably
even more than WE as guys are when we notice women.

Simply put, if how you carry yourself, how you gesture when
you speak and especially how you walk aren't attractive to
women, you won't be attractive to women.

And on the other hand, if you've got all of that in your favor
you're virtually unstoppable when it comes to creating attraction.&

Sound crazy? Well it's not only true, it's explained in detail
here:



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What he's talking about goes way beyond the same worn-out "body
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What he talks about won't only make you more attractive to women
before you even talk to them, it will even prevent (or cure) pain in
the knees and lower back.



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A number of years ago I had the chance to actually meet and hang
out with Rob at a conference for men in Oslo where we both were
speakers.

As it turns out, he's a perfectly "normal" guy.

And of course, I was so impressed that these days he's a part of the
X & Y Communications team.

But man, those ideas of his...

Anyway, right now I've made it so when you get Rob's newest
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How cool is that, right?

There's nobody else out there teaching this stuff. When you
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QUESTION FROM A READER


Hey Scot,

Just finished listening to your audio in The Leading Man on crisis
management - that was awesome material - I look back at all the
mistakes I made in past relationships, and now it all makes sense
after listening to this.

One question I have for you is about how this woman I was in a
relationship with was shocked about how I was so calm about
everything.

When this girl and I were together, she was like, "How are you so
calm?"  Like when my car broke down, or when she thought she was
pregnant and she wasn't, but I remained calm and kept my composure
and she couldn't believe it.

Even when we were apart for long parts at a time, and I couldn't
see her, I still kept my cool and was very calm.

She kinda made me feel guilty because she said she felt that I
didn't show any emotion, and like I wasn't human.

Should I have let that worry me?

But the fact was that I eventually broke down and lost my composure
because we had been going almost 2 months without seeing each other
after we had been seeing each other once a month for about 4 months
straight.

So tell me, this doesn't apply in my situation does it?  Would you
be able to keep your composure in this situation?

I'm hard on myself because I felt I should have, especially after
you say to "never lose your composure", but doesn't that happen to
us all?

Bradley (Strasburg, VA)



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Thanks for your message, Bradley.

Taken in context, the concept of "never losing one's composure" is
ultra-important when approaching a woman for the first time and
certainly on first dates.

But rest assured, I think it's unreasonable to hold yourself to an
iron standard of never making mistakes...ever.

Certainly there is no mistaking the value of consistently
demonstrating the decidedly masculine traits of having things
handled, being emotionally strong and secure, and--of course--
being unshakable as often as possible, especially early on.

But here's the curious part.  After the initial evaluation
process between you two has resolved itself, it can actually be a
good thing for you to make a mistake or two along the way as far
as all of this is concerned.

Now we're not talking about major meltdowns, temper tantrums or axe
murders here.

Those will be instant deal-breakers in the minds of the vast
majority of great women every time, and rightly so.

But what if you get cut off in traffic?  Drop something heavy on
your foot?  Maybe even have to deal with an unexpected face-to-face
meeting with her ex-stalker...errr...boyfriend?

Here's the deal.  The question in a woman's mind is, "What's real?"
whenever she meets a new guy.  Everyone is on his or her best
behavior up front.

But what's really under the hood?  A woman wants to know from the
second you are introduced to her whether or not you really are a
MAN.

From that moment onward for a period of, say two weeks to two months
depending on how much time you spend together, she's paying careful
attention.

If you've played your cards right, you've presented yourself as the
confident, masculine man who can literally ignite her femininity.

But is that who you really are?  Women have seen men fold under
pressure right and left before their very eyes.  What she's looking
for is a comfort level that you are who you've appeared to be.

For the majority of women (or at least the emotionally healthy ones
I've interacted with), at the very point when she is convinced you
truly are the "real deal", the die is cast.

It's like a point of magical acceptance.

The tests tend to ease up.

Your leadership is welcomed more warmly, sometimes in very dramatic
fashion--maybe in the form of complete, willing sexual surrender.

Attraction isn't so easily lost.

And, importantly, the wildest of transformations occurs within your
relationship at that point.

From there, a misstep here and there when it comes to one's
composure kind of actually gives the woman some relief...she finds
out right then and there that you are human.

This actually takes an immense amount of pressure off of her to be
"Ms. Perfect".

Why is this important?  Well, yeah, you may have been perfectly
okay with an occasional faux pas or emotional overreaction on her
part...so wouldn't such a mindset on her part be overreaction?

Perhaps.

But remember, your leadership matters.

To presume that you, as a man, must maintain a surrealistically
unblemished attitude for all time is not only unreasonable, it'll
seriously fry the circuits of any woman who tries to attempt a
relationship with you.

It would be too much for anyone to live up to...even YOU, big guy.

And the best news is that once you've gone ahead and "broken the
ice", your relationship may actually get stronger.

As for whether I would have kept my composure in your situation,
who can know for sure?

By the time Emily and I had known each other for about a month, I
had effectively maintained my masculine composure pretty well.  And
similarly, she had been the stunning vision of femininity all the
while.

But I'll tell you, in our real world scenario there came along one
day where my work day didn't go so well.

I went to her house to pick her up, very ready to go have a cold
one at our favorite place.

But Emily proceeded to take exceptionally long to get ready.

Although she had asked me how the first outfit she tried on looked,
and I had answered honestly that it looked great, she proceeded to
continue changing clothes until I was nearly sure she had gone
through her entire closet.

It was then that my impatience got the best of me.

Nothing catastrophic happened to speak of, but a firm request to put
the first outfit back on and leave the house with me ASAP would have
been sufficient.

Still, I had that all-too-familiar twinge that I had really screwed
up.  I had been "found out" and the jig was up.  And it bugged me for
hours, even though Emily appeared to have graciously let the matter
go.

Finally, later that night I admitted to her that I would like to
have handled that earlier situation more effectively.

Her response was unforgettable:  "Well it was about time you let
your guard down.  I feel now like I can make a mistake or two along
the way and it won't be a big deal.  There has been a lot of pressure
to keep up with you, you know."

It's 100% true:  If you really are a man, once your typical pattern
of behavior is recognized as authentic by a woman, you can show
some human imperfection here and there--and it's a welcome twist on
things.

That said, as always you know I have to challenge you by shining a
light on the other side of the equation.  And here it is:
Unfortunately, this dynamic works exactly the same way when the
opposite is true.

Here's what I mean.

Contrast what we've talked about above with a guy who happens to
get a "routine" or "opener" right, and attracts the woman initially.

The harsh reality is that if he's actually a total wimp, he  is
going to be exposed as less-than-suave sooner than later.  Once
she finds that out, the rest is a matter of course.  He's toast.

Again, it's all about where the consistency is.

Are you a man whose core is masculine and confident, despite the
occasional human error here and there?

Or are you "faking it until you make it", attempting to cover up
with pre-fabricated techniques?

Believe me when I tell you that most women would much rather you
"make it until you fake it", for what it's worth, as described
above.

And when it comes right down to it, isn't that a lot less pressure
on you anyway?  Deserve what you want...and rest easy.
 

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