[X&Y] What If You're Her Second Choice? (And What To Do About It)
Published: Sat, 10/19/24
Updated: Fri, 10/25/24
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: Do women treat guys differently
when they're only "sort of" attracted to them? You
bet they do...
=====
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
Why did it take sixteen years to produce the very
first X & Y program for mature men?
I'm not sure I have a definitive answer for you, but I
CAN say that at my age I have plenty of first-hand
knowledge of what is REALLY involved.
I also have talked to and coached enough mature
men at this point to have seen it all, and thought it
through.
That means every bit of what's in For Mature
Audiences Only has been put to the test and
PROVEN:
For Mature Audiences Only
Younger women. Women your own age. Style and
looking your best. Balancing grown-up responsibilities
with dating and relating. The complexities of adult
relationships. It's all there.
Consider this the 20/20 foresight you've been looking
for all along:
For Mature Audiences Only
=====
ARE YOU HER SECOND CHOICE? (IF SO, IT'S TIME TO MOVE
UP)
There are quite a few guys out there who have a common opinion
about particularly beautiful, desirable women.
Basically, they've decided that every one of them has a lousy
personality. They're cold and distant at best, or downright evil
at worst.
On top of all else, such guys may even have pronounced the
entire lot of beautiful, sexy women out there as perpetually (and
terminally) flaky.
It just seems like every time they set up a date with one, she
cancels at the eleventh hour.
Frustrating stuff, for sure.
But as for any other scenario in our lives where "everyone else"
seems to be or act a certain way, there's a particular truth that
applies.
It's not always pleasant to hear, but knowing it can change your
life for the better.
That truth is this: Whenever there is a clear pattern to how
you are being treated by others, you've got to look in the
mirror.
Show me a man who believes that all beautiful women are cold,
distant, gnarly or flaky and I'll show you a guy who is stuck in
what I'll call the "second tier".
Despite what you may have always assumed about women either
deciding to go out with a guy or not right when he asks her out,
sometimes they're really on the fence about it.
Granted, if women are invariably uninterested in hanging out with
you--and are rude about it--you absolutely, positively have some
soul-searching to do. There's a certain way you're leading all
those women to treat you.
But what if she actually agrees to go out with you, but isn't
exactly "Princess Charming" in the process?
And what if all women seem to flake out on you at the last minute?
She probably finds you attractive enough to be potentially
interesting. She may even legitimately WANT to hang out with you.
BUT...you might not have made her feel completely comfortable in
your presence yet. Comfortable enough to risk hanging out with you,
yes...but not enough for her to completely open up to you.
OR...you may not have demonstrated enough masculinity, confidence
and/or character for her to place you atop what may be a considerable
list of options available to her.
Remember always: He OR she who has options in his or her dating
life is a chooser rather than a chaser.
Now granted, character is going to be a high priority to a woman of
considerable quality, and that takes some time for her to gauge.
It doesn't have to take forever though, and here's a hint: The first
order of business on your side is to demonstrate you're looking
for the same.
You do that by being a chooser yourself. You reserve your own
right to evaluate, and therefore to choose.
No matter what, though, whether you are right there with her in
"evaluation mode" or busy trying to "escalate" by being a chaser,
if you're in the "second tier" what she's doing is her own version
of what I call "charm throttling".
You'll recall that "charm throttling" is essentially the concept of
holding back some of the shock and awe of your most attractive
self, mostly because women have a tendency to fall for you more
quickly than it takes you to make a firm decision about whether
to go exclusive with them or not.
Bingo. Highly desirable women have the same problem, often on
steroids.
These are NOT women who are upset because their boyfriends hang
out for two or three years and still won't put a ring on their finger.
Rather, these are women who typically can't get past the second
date without a guy professing his undying love and devotion to her.
That gets a little monotonous, and it certainly doesn't leave any
time for her to find out much about the guy before things get out
of hand on his side.
So here's the shocking part: These very same women who you may
observe to be cold, emotionless or dare I say even disinterested
may actually be fantastic women underneath their "charm throttled"
exterior.
And how about the women I affectionately refer to as "non-reactors"?
You know, the ones who give you no signals at all? Often times,
what I'm describing here is exactly what's going on with them also.
Now here's an interesting twist.
I find that younger women often haven't really figured out how to
deal with guys they've placed in the "second tier" as well as more
mature women.
A younger woman is more likely to play games as a way of showing
she isn't really sold on a guy just yet.
She knows she needs to keep guys she's evaluating at arm's length,
so to speak, but her toolkit is generally limited to turning off
the charm completely, canceling dates and/or even being a little
bit snippy or impatient.
Meanwhile, women who have a bit more life experience tend to be a
bit friendlier about putting guys in the "second tier" and have
long since found ways to keep guys there without sacrificing their
own character so much.
For example, women who have experienced motherhood have this
uncanny way of playing more of the "mom" persona than the "lover"
persona when around guys they are undecided about.
Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it's true. If you find yourself on
a date with a woman who still seems to be in "mommy mode" rather
than "milf mode", remember this newsletter. You'll know it when you
see it.
She's feminine, for sure, but somehow kind of "sexless" in an odd
yet still mildly intriguing sort of way.
An even better description would be that she acts female, but holds
that part of femininity that's directly responsible for igniting
masculinity in reserve.
Well, at least she didn't flake on you. You have that in your favor...I
guess.
So enough, already. How do you get out of the "second tier" and take
your rightful place at the top?
First of all, you've got to stop focusing on trying to get what you want
all the time.
Women who find you confident and masculine in that "big four" way
are still going to relegate you to the "second tier" if you come off like
a pushy salesman who is trying to "get some".
If, on the other hand, you represent to her what she wants in a man
she'd LOVE a relationship with, you'll bypass all of the artificial
obstacles FAR more quickly.
Remember also that how effective you are at making a woman feel
safe and comfortable with you has everything to do with how
compelled she's going to be to "charm throttle" you.
The better you are at understanding a woman's best interests and
communicating to her that you "get it", the better off you'll be at
avoiding the "second tier"...always.
But be careful here. When a highly desirable woman bumps you up to
the "first tier", that's usually serious business. That's reserved
for an elite few. She may waste no time in falling for YOU quickly.
That, however, is what I'd call a "high quality problem".
Two footnotes here in closing.
First, it's indeed very true that even though a woman may have put
you in the "second tier" she could still have either a black heart
OR a heart of gold under there.
So make no mistake about it. If a woman's holding back on you,
that's when you especially shouldn't be shelling out for expensive
dinners at Ruth's Chris or taking her on "shopping dates".
(Not that there's ever a good excuse to take a woman on a "shopping
date". Please...)
Second, don't ever confuse her willingness to have sex with you as
having been moved up into the "first tier". That often is utterly
beside the point.
Some women are all about having their sexual needs met, and your
sexual attractiveness might be all it takes for her to indulge.
But she still might not be all that crazy about the idea of keeping
you around long-term. And that means she's not exactly ready for
you to fall in love with her.
So having read this, you may or may not even be interested in
ascending to the "first tier" with women after all, right?
Sometimes it may actually be to your advantage for women to take
their sweet time with you even as you take your time with them.
But my gut instinct is that I'd rather be the one with my hand on
the "charm throttle".
And I never think it's a good idea to be kicked to the "second
tier" for the reason of having come off as a "pushy salesperson" or
seeming potentially dangerous in some way.
Nevertheless, how you proceed with regard to the rest of what we've
covered here is your call. At least you now know WHY desirable
women tend to do what they do.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
No matter what, though, whether you are right there with her in
"evaluation mode" or busy trying to "escalate" by being a chaser,
if you're in the "second tier" what she's doing is her own version
of what I call "charm throttling".
You'll recall that "charm throttling" is essentially the concept of
holding back some of the shock and awe of your most attractive
self, mostly because women have a tendency to fall for you more
quickly than it takes you to make a firm decision about whether
to go exclusive with them or not.
Bingo. Highly desirable women have the same problem, often on
steroids.
These are NOT women who are upset because their boyfriends hang
out for two or three years and still won't put a ring on their finger.
Rather, these are women who typically can't get past the second
date without a guy professing his undying love and devotion to her.
That gets a little monotonous, and it certainly doesn't leave any
time for her to find out much about the guy before things get out
of hand on his side.
So here's the shocking part: These very same women who you may
observe to be cold, emotionless or dare I say even disinterested
may actually be fantastic women underneath their "charm throttled"
exterior.
And how about the women I affectionately refer to as "non-reactors"?
You know, the ones who give you no signals at all? Often times,
what I'm describing here is exactly what's going on with them also.
Now here's an interesting twist.
I find that younger women often haven't really figured out how to
deal with guys they've placed in the "second tier" as well as more
mature women.
A younger woman is more likely to play games as a way of showing
she isn't really sold on a guy just yet.
She knows she needs to keep guys she's evaluating at arm's length,
so to speak, but her toolkit is generally limited to turning off
the charm completely, canceling dates and/or even being a little
bit snippy or impatient.
Meanwhile, women who have a bit more life experience tend to be a
bit friendlier about putting guys in the "second tier" and have
long since found ways to keep guys there without sacrificing their
own character so much.
For example, women who have experienced motherhood have this
uncanny way of playing more of the "mom" persona than the "lover"
persona when around guys they are undecided about.
Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it's true. If you find yourself on
a date with a woman who still seems to be in "mommy mode" rather
than "milf mode", remember this newsletter. You'll know it when you
see it.
She's feminine, for sure, but somehow kind of "sexless" in an odd
yet still mildly intriguing sort of way.
An even better description would be that she acts female, but holds
that part of femininity that's directly responsible for igniting
masculinity in reserve.
Well, at least she didn't flake on you. You have that in your favor...I
guess.
So enough, already. How do you get out of the "second tier" and take
your rightful place at the top?
First of all, you've got to stop focusing on trying to get what you want
all the time.
Women who find you confident and masculine in that "big four" way
are still going to relegate you to the "second tier" if you come off like
a pushy salesman who is trying to "get some".
If, on the other hand, you represent to her what she wants in a man
she'd LOVE a relationship with, you'll bypass all of the artificial
obstacles FAR more quickly.
Remember also that how effective you are at making a woman feel
safe and comfortable with you has everything to do with how
compelled she's going to be to "charm throttle" you.
The better you are at understanding a woman's best interests and
communicating to her that you "get it", the better off you'll be at
avoiding the "second tier"...always.
But be careful here. When a highly desirable woman bumps you up to
the "first tier", that's usually serious business. That's reserved
for an elite few. She may waste no time in falling for YOU quickly.
That, however, is what I'd call a "high quality problem".
Two footnotes here in closing.
First, it's indeed very true that even though a woman may have put
you in the "second tier" she could still have either a black heart
OR a heart of gold under there.
So make no mistake about it. If a woman's holding back on you,
that's when you especially shouldn't be shelling out for expensive
dinners at Ruth's Chris or taking her on "shopping dates".
(Not that there's ever a good excuse to take a woman on a "shopping
date". Please...)
Second, don't ever confuse her willingness to have sex with you as
having been moved up into the "first tier". That often is utterly
beside the point.
Some women are all about having their sexual needs met, and your
sexual attractiveness might be all it takes for her to indulge.
But she still might not be all that crazy about the idea of keeping
you around long-term. And that means she's not exactly ready for
you to fall in love with her.
So having read this, you may or may not even be interested in
ascending to the "first tier" with women after all, right?
Sometimes it may actually be to your advantage for women to take
their sweet time with you even as you take your time with them.
But my gut instinct is that I'd rather be the one with my hand on
the "charm throttle".
And I never think it's a good idea to be kicked to the "second
tier" for the reason of having come off as a "pushy salesperson" or
seeming potentially dangerous in some way.
Nevertheless, how you proceed with regard to the rest of what we've
covered here is your call. At least you now know WHY desirable
women tend to do what they do.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
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