[X&Y] Hired Guns

Published: Fri, 04/11/25

Updated: Fri, 04/18/25



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IN THIS EDITION: A reader asks about how to
meet and make plans with women who are out
there on the job.

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HIRED GUNS: MEETING WOMEN WHILE THEY'RE
WORKING


Hey Scot,

There is a woman who I really want to meet. Well, in a way I have
already kind of met her.

This is the deal. She works in a retail capacity (not a clothing
store).

I've only been to the store she works at a couple of times but the
last two times she has helped me and we've carried on a short
conversation and I feel a huge spark of energy/attraction when we
are talking.

The last time I was at the store she made mention that she had an
"ex" and kind of signaled that she was single without really saying
it flat out.

So I wanted to get your opinion on how to get her number.

First off, is approaching a woman at her workplace inappropriate? I
really have no other idea on how I would talk to this girl outside
of her work since that is the only time I have seen her.

And since the store she works at is usually very busy I do not want
start having a conversation with her and then try to pull her aside
since I noticed that her supervisor is usually within a couple of
feet from her and I don't want to maybe get her in trouble if she
is seen fraternizing at work you know what I mean?

Anyway man, any advice you could give me would be greatly
appreciated and I want to say thank you in advance for your time
and effort.


Brent (Rancho Cucamonga, CA)



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Hello Brent, and thanks for writing.
 
YES...you absolutely, positively can meet a woman when she's
working. 

In fact, we do this all the time on Ten-Plus Live weekends.
 
Yours is a great question because approaching a woman in her
workplace is something guys tend to worry about WAY more than
is warranted.

Sometimes we're concerned about getting her in trouble, other
times we get the sneaking feeling that she's a "hired gun" and is
therefore quite possibly just being "nice" and/or flirting with us
for that reason.
 
Here's my take on all of that.
 
Interestingly, and perhaps contrary to conventional wisdom, if
anything I've noticed that women sometimes suppress signs of
attraction when at work rather than vice-versa. 

When you think about your concern for getting her in trouble this
makes perfect sense, because some bosses (especially in retail or
food service) really can be a bit heavy handed due to low-grade
egotism, jealousy toward the attention you're giving the woman,
etc.  
 
But the opposite scenario--where the woman is falsely projecting
attraction--is a lot less common than most guys assume.  In fact,
it's rare.
 
Only in very specific situations where flirting is inherently part of
the decorum of the establishment do you really ever have to
second-guess yourself here at all. 

But overall, I'm telling you...women are comfort-seeking creatures
and they generally won't sacrifice personal dignity for a better
tip. 
 
In the end, most guys use assumptions about "hired guns" as an
excuse to--you guessed it--fail to deploy.
 
I've come to realize that women will respond to "big four"
leadership with a very predictable behavioral pattern, regardless of
circumstances...including when they're on the clock. 
 
In other words, they'll smile a little more, stick around in
conversations a little longer and drop subtle hints like unto what
you've noticed. 

Think about it this way.  Why in the world would any woman feel
compelled to indicate to you that she was single if she wasn't
interested?  There's no reason for it otherwise.

Trust your instincts in these situations, and don't psych yourself
out.  Regardless of what you've been told, you can be every bit as
intuitive as any woman if you allow yourself to be.  Your gut feelings
are just as reliable.
 
So how do you get the heavy lifting done here?

If you sense her nearby boss is a threat to the situation for
either of you, simply get the attention of the woman you're
interested in and ask her to help you with something in another
corner of the store. 

If that appears to be unworkable because of the size of the
establishment or because her boss "hovers", send her boss to the
back to check on something for you or on some other distracting
task. (Nice one, right?)
 
Then you proceed as if there's precious little time to work with.

This respects her no matter what, whether she's actually busy or
not.
 
Tell the woman you acknowledge that time is short, and you'd like
to continue the conversation with her later.  Tell her to give you
her number, and tell her when you'll call her so she can have some
idea of when to pick up the phone.

When you see signs of attraction like you mentioned there is no
need for games (as if there ever really is, right?)  

She likes you, so all she really needs to know is what to expect.
That way you dramatically reduce your chances of getting her
voicemail.
 
From there, she's a red-blooded woman like every other (as she
has been all along, right?)  Sweep her off her feet.
 

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