[X&Y] What To Do If Someone Says, "You're Too Picky"
Published: Sat, 01/04/25
Updated: Sat, 01/04/25
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IN THIS EDITION: Are you "shallow", or just not so
interested in settling?
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WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE SAYS, "YOU'RE TOO PICKY"
Have you ever been told you were being "too shallow" and/or
"too picky" when you expressed to someone what you were looking
for in a girlfriend? I know I have.
Usually, we start getting accused of such when we talk about what
our dream woman would look like.
Numerous women I've talked to have reported that they draw similar
disdain when they openly hope for a husband who is financially
successful.
So is there anything to this accusation of "being shallow"?
Should we all just love each other for our "mind" or for how "nice"
we are inside?
And should we all lighten up and lower our standards? After all,
what we are hoping and dreaming of is a bit unreasonable...isn't it?
My thoughts on this don't exactly follow such party lines. I believe
you have every right to your specific desires, and that you shouldn't
ever settle.
Sure. Love a woman for her mind, personality, heart, and all that.
But while you're at it, get a woman like that who is also hotter and
sexier than any other you've ever seen.
Make sure she has every bit of whatever turns you on going for her.
If refusing to settle for any less than the woman I am going to be
thrilled to be with is "shallow", then I'm guilty as charged.
You'd better believe it. After all, if I plan to spend the rest of my
life with this woman, why should I "settle" for half-hearted, semi-
fulfillment of broken dreams?
My personal pet peeve is when someone tells me, "You shouldn't be
so 'picky'. After all, you aren't perfect."
Well, um...exactly. But believe it or not, that's beside the point.
I happen to believe that people who are "perfect", whoever they are,
must have a really hard time finding someone to date.
After all, who is good enough for someone who is perfect? (How's
that for an ironic twist, right?)
Most of us aren't dreaming of "perfection". We simply want the
woman who "does it" for us, whoever she may be.
My opinion is that we tend to be attracted to people who look a lot
like us, have the same values as we do and share other similar
things--like a sense of humor, for example.
Emily disagrees. She thinks people tend to go for someone who
is a lot different than they are. You know, ye olde "we complete
each other" bit.
Well, here it is: it really doesn't matter which one of us has it
figured out. Neither situation involves someone going after a
"perfect" person, does it?
Whether I want to find someone who is a lot like me or who
"completes" me, she's not necessarily going to fit the media's
Barbie doll persona.
When we're considering who it is we want to spend the rest
of our life with out of the 3.5 billion women on Planet Earth, I
hereby declare that each and every one of us has every right to
consider very diligently exactly who she should be and which
traits she should have.
In fact, I highly recommend you do exactly that.
And don't quit until you've met someone with the whole package,
including sexual attractiveness.
Otherwise, that very same woman who exhorted you to "look
further than skin deep" is going to be distraught and humiliated
every time your head swivels around at the mall.
Don't kid yourself. Despite her shenanigans designed to guilt
you into settling for her, she's still going to want (and expect)
you to think she's the most beautiful woman on Earth.
The problem will be that you didn't break up with her so that
she could go find another guy who actually thought so.
Remember always, dating is NOT a charity cause. You don't owe a
woman you're not attracted to anything in terms of a non-platonic
relationship.
Meet your dream woman and then save the world together.
And once you do that, make sure you are the kind of man who is
going to make her equally thrilled to spend a lifetime with you.
The only thing potentially worse than settling is being settled
for. Deserve what you want.
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