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IN THIS EDITION: Before you let a
woman drag you into another heated
argument, read this first...

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CAN YOU ACTUALLY "WIN" AN ARGUMENT WITH A
WOMAN?


[Just this morning I saw a billboard along the highway
for a female attorney.  It read, "Ever argue with a
woman?"  As I laughed out loud, it reminded me of this
newsletter I originally wrote a few years ago...enjoy.]


The other day I had the distinct and thankfully rare displeasure of
watching a couple argue in public with each other.

My scientific wild-ass guess as to one key reason why this MIGHT
be a relatively rare sight to behold is that men and women who
freely elect to embarrass each other in broad daylight tend not
to stay together very long.

After all, if two people aren't mature enough to keep conflict
under wraps with a bunch of strangers around, how effective do
you think they can possibly be at holding a long-term relationship
together in general?

In any case, upon witnessing the pathetic events unfolding before
me I was reminded of a recent ad I saw for a program on "How To
Win An Argument With Any Woman".

There, without question, is one of those deals that's completely
driven by what we as guys might THINK we want...but which in
real life can only lead to TOTAL DISASTER.

I mean, consider the whole idea of "winning" an argument with a
woman.

Given the best case scenario, exactly WHAT would we be planning
on"winning", anyway?

Getting our way DESPITE what she wants?  A temporary feeling that
we're "smarter" than she is?  Simple bragging rights?

I mean, which of the above is going to establish you in her eyes as
a "big four" man who is a protector and provider?

Do you assert yourself as having EITHER of those traits when you
"shut her down" in a conflict situation...especially an angry one?

For a second there I was tempted to say that getting into a heated,
emotional brouhaha with any woman is futile.  

But that would be saying that doing so is merely innocuous.

The truth is that ANY TIME you allow yourself to get into a full-on
heated disagreement with a woman it's a classic lose/lose situation.

Let's assume that you ARE coming from a stronger and potentially
wiser position than she is.  After going back and forth, she in
fact concedes that you're right and she's wrong.

How is she going to be feeling toward you at that point?  

Given that she'll very likely be feeling a bit "beaten down" and
perhaps even stupid, you haven't led in a way that's going to make
her feel too excited about lavishing you with "feminine gifts".

And worse, what if you suddenly realize you're in the wrong?
Having her "correct" you isn't going to increase her attraction
toward you.

So what am I saying here?

Before some of you start writing me complaining that I must be
advocating some sort of wussification exercise where we "yield" to
women, you'd better read on.

After all, the rest of you know me better than that by now.

Here's what a REAL MAN does.

Straight up, he KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that getting
into a heated verbal conflict with a woman is EVERY BIT of a
RIDICULOUS idea as getting into a fist fight with her.

Trying to win a "power struggle" with a woman makes ANY MAN
look like the biggest COWARD on Earth, regardless of the
outcome.

So he DOESN'T let it happen.

That may sound like it's easier said than done, but there are some
very key ideas to discover here.

First, you really should avoid contentious women altogether.  They
are NOT ready to be one half of a solid relationship.

If you make wise, effective decisions as a leader who has a great
woman's best interests at heart, a high quality woman should
recognize that and RESPECT it.

Any woman who wants to take issue with you as a "big four" man
regardless of that is PURE TROUBLE.  "Next".

A great man also is well familiar with a consistent life truth:  He
who raises his voice first in a disagreement LOSES.

You may not be able to WIN an argument with a woman--by the
definition of masculinity itself--but if you keep your composure
regardless of a woman's emotional antics you'll most definitely
never LOSE one either.

The point is NEVER to HAVE a heated argument to begin with..
see that?

If a woman challenges your wisdom, decision-making, actions or
even your leadership, a high quality man should NEVER respond
with a knee-jerk spasm of defensiveness.

First, ask the woman to elaborate.  Is she really "attacking" you,
or does she have a legit point that shows she might have YOUR
best interests at heart?

Carefully consider what she's bringing to the table with a measure
of calm maturity, then make the right decision accordingly.

Remember ALWAYS, that decision is still YOURS.

If a woman appears to want a conflict to become more heated
and/or persist for longer than you see fit, you simply tell her that
"the conversation is now over", "the decision has been made",
and/or "this is not a matter that's open to further debate".
 
If a phone conversation in particular is headed on a southbound
path, you absolutely can pronounce an end to the conversation
and inform her that you're hanging up rather than let things
degenerate.  

If she continues, you can inform her that you meant what you just
said and that you're now hanging up.  With a simple "goodbye" or
similar sign off you proceed to end the call.  

In that case you haven't hung up on her.  Rather, you've made a
mature, masculine decision.

Note that any REASONABLE human being, female or otherwise,
isn't going to pick fights with you for the heck of it.

Women who are unreasonable, of course, are not good women to
get into relationships with.

Consider this.  I once met a professional counselor who conjectured
that "it takes two to argue--nobody can argue with him or herself."

Unfortunately, that's not exactly true.
 
The first time you ever refuse to get dragged into an argument
with a woman only to have her continue with, "Oh, I know what
you're thinking...you're saying [insert conflicting view here] to
yourself.  Well..." you'll know precisely what I'm talking about.

So the bottom line here is as follows.

First, the very IDEA of trying to "win" an argument with a woman is
wrongheaded in and of itself.  It's as useless to you as a man as
trying to win a boxing match with her.

Next, you've GOT to start by building a relationship with a
REASONABLE woman.

Then, you make sure your decision making is both wise and
benevolent.

And finally, you LISTEN before immediately disagreeing.

Rudyard Kipling's famous poem "If" begins with the line, "If you
can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs" and
ends with "Then you will be a man, my son."

Truer words have never been penned.

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