=====

WHAT'S INSIDE: Will women compete for a man? And what's
more, do they actually LIKE it that way?

=====



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=====



READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS


Hi Scot,

After a ton of fun dating multiple women I've gone exclusive with a
phenomenal girl.

First of all - thank you for coaching me to raise my standards and
deserve what I want. Your material and your teaching style works
100% and it has made a difference to every aspect of my life.
 
I was at a salsa dancing class last night without my girlfriend. I
had two different women ask me out for a drink, one an older
divorcee, the other a younger student.  Being a "big four" man
really is a universal attractor.

Obviously I politely declined both and later told my girlfriend.
That got me thinking about something you mention a fair bit; that
women say they want a man to themselves, but often they actually
will compete for a man.
 
My question is how does that dynamic work, especially in an
exclusive LTR?

I see my future with my girlfriend. I don't want anyone else. And
I make that clear to her! So how do you keep a woman's urge to
compete for her man satiated?
 

Cheers,
 
Rob
 


=====



Hello Rob:

Your question is a good one.  The best way to answer it would be to
explore the idea of a woman actually wanting to compete for you,
as you implied the last sentence of your message.
 
The desire to compete is firmly rooted in masculinity.  So, I'm
pretty sure that women don't typically want to compete at all.  In
fact, they detest it.   
 
But they sure will do it if they sense you are the man they want
long term, won't they?
 
Perhaps surprisingly, the actual central concept at play here is
really not gender specific. 
 
People buy on the approval of others.  Neither we as guys nor
women want someone who nobody else finds attractive. 

But when someone is indeed attractive to others, that validates
our attraction toward them in our own mind.
 
This is exactly why back in high school or college it seemed like
we could go dateless for weeks or months, only to have girls come
out of the woodwork flirting and showing interest once we actually
got a girlfriend.
 
Frustrating, wasn't it?  I mean, where were all those girls before?
 
Well, they were always there but they only began to take real
notice of you after another girl did.

There's really no question about it:  When it comes to attraction,
the rich really do get richer.
 
That's one of the reasons why I always say, "If you can attract one
high quality woman, you can attract many more."

If you have a high quality woman interested, it's almost never a
fluke.  And yes, that also naturally intrigues other women.
 
So I think it's absolutely a good thing your woman knows other
women are into you.  But obviously, you've still got to make her feel
safe and comfortable in your presence as a "big four" man.
 
As such, when you mention that someone showed interest in you
but that you declined to reciprocate that interest it actually does
two things. 
 
First, it reinforces her attraction for you in the way we've
discussed above. 

But your willingness to share the story and how you handled it also
demonstrates to her that you're willing to communicate with her and
tell her the truth about what goes on when she's not with you.
 
A woman loves having that warm fuzzy feeling, knowing she has a
guy like that in her life.
 
So now that we've described the dynamics of what tends to go on
relative to the topic you brought up, only the objective answer to
your most pressing question remains. 
 
Does your woman really need to continue to compete for you in order
to feel satisfied? 
 
Well, as I said I don't believe women like to compete, even though
they will. 
 
At some point she needs to know she won, just like you do. 

I mean, regardless of what other dating experts tend to say about
"never allowing oneself to be fully 'caught'" you just can't go
through life feeling as if you could lose your significant other to
someone else at any given moment. 

That sucks.
 
Then again, allowing her to feel as if she won you doesn't mean
you've been conquered.  You don't ever want to become henpecked
and subject to her every whim, of course.   
 
Rather, it only means that you continuously make it clear that the
choice has been made by you to select her--preferably from a
position of strength (i.e. abundance) rather than weakness (i.e.
desperation).  

When she hears about other women respond positively to you or sees
it first hand--and yet you continue to favor her--that more than
does the job.
 
Rock on, my good man.

=====




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