[X&Y] He Did Everything Wrong...But She's Still Around. What?
Published: Sat, 02/08/25
Updated: Sat, 02/08/25
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: OK, maybe a woman will go
out on a second date with you even if she isn't
"feeling it". But does that mean you have a
"second chance"?
=====
A $97 PROGRAM FOR YOUR THOUGHTS
Whoever said, "a penny for your thoughts" was
a cheapskate!
As announced on Thursday, right now I'm offering
a $97 bounty for information leading to a better,
more powerful X & Y Communications for YOU.
Give me all of your opinions and any other input
you have about these newsletters, the podcast,
the programs, masterclasses or anything else
around here...
...and I'll reward you with any of my premium
programs, most of which are $97 all day long in
the X & Y Communications Store:
I Want To Talk To YOU
Of course, if you have any questions about what's
going on with your relationships with women, you
can ask away, for sure.
The floor is yours for 15 minutes, and (obviously)
this is FREE:
Get Any $97 Program FREE
=====
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date! I
thought you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches,
as it were.
[Ed. Note: I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's
name he dated off the e-mail.]
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off--he smelled very strongly of moth balls--yuck!
[Ed Note: Pardon the interruption here but...WHAT? Before we even
get rolling with this, gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you
wear when you meet a woman must not only be clean they can't have
been stored for a decade waiting for the "big chance".
Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a sniff test, the
answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]
We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
smartphone--including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying--a lot--he must be
making good money, LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States, but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him
we just met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up
my heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently-divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the set of real-world takeaways,
especially for you.]
Maybe you have mixed feelings about how I answered Amanda.
If you believe I should have taken up for the guy no matter what,
bear in mind we don't take sides when it comes to gender around
here. Tough love is a "strict mistress", as they say in the UK.
And let's face it. You and I both know this guy has a long way
to go before he's going to be deserving what he wants in the form
of third dates.
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date this fully and the woman is even considering
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
flat-out desperate.
That's right. When you know you blew it sky high and she keeps
coming back, you can know with 100% certainty that you're dealing
with a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
News flash: THIS is how two people who aren't really into each
other to begin with end up MARRIED.
That rarely ends well.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe me--you'll feel the same way if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is especially true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I already know that the guy in the sad story above
indeed realizes he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like, "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, she helped him realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth.
That, of course, came in the form of his announcement that he'd
gladly rest the entire weight of relocating to a completely
different continent on whether she was interested in being with him
permanently or not.
Dude...back off. It's your second date. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create attraction yet, let alone devotion.
It's not like Hershey kisses and dessert are going to stand in for
you, either.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
The whole sordid affair was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying (and that you're paying it AT
ALL)
6) The divorce in general
7) That you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles away, when you
haven't even done the interview yet.
8) How she feels about you
9) And for the love of all that is good in the universe, if you DO
have anything even remotely resembling what I call "The Depth Chart",
keep it a secret. That goes double for any reference to where she
ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
Fight Club to that entire list.
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about religion,
family planning, his porn collection or even politics than ANY of those
things (or at least no worse off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a urinal cake at
this point; it would leave a better taste in one's mouth than hearing
about this date experience) was when he was completely vague about
planning the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was cooked. In fact,
my edumckayted guess is he did indeed sensed that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him another
chance.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you're having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you can't expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who never has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you?
I'll talk to you again soon.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
out on a second date with you even if she isn't
"feeling it". But does that mean you have a
"second chance"?
=====
A $97 PROGRAM FOR YOUR THOUGHTS
Whoever said, "a penny for your thoughts" was
a cheapskate!
As announced on Thursday, right now I'm offering
a $97 bounty for information leading to a better,
more powerful X & Y Communications for YOU.
Give me all of your opinions and any other input
you have about these newsletters, the podcast,
the programs, masterclasses or anything else
around here...
...and I'll reward you with any of my premium
programs, most of which are $97 all day long in
the X & Y Communications Store:
I Want To Talk To YOU
Of course, if you have any questions about what's
going on with your relationships with women, you
can ask away, for sure.
The floor is yours for 15 minutes, and (obviously)
this is FREE:
Get Any $97 Program FREE
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date! I
thought you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches,
as it were.
[Ed. Note: I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's
name he dated off the e-mail.]
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off--he smelled very strongly of moth balls--yuck!
[Ed Note: Pardon the interruption here but...WHAT? Before we even
get rolling with this, gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you
wear when you meet a woman must not only be clean they can't have
been stored for a decade waiting for the "big chance".
Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a sniff test, the
answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]
We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
smartphone--including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying--a lot--he must be
making good money, LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States, but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him
we just met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up
my heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently-divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the set of real-world takeaways,
especially for you.]
Maybe you have mixed feelings about how I answered Amanda.
If you believe I should have taken up for the guy no matter what,
bear in mind we don't take sides when it comes to gender around
here. Tough love is a "strict mistress", as they say in the UK.
And let's face it. You and I both know this guy has a long way
to go before he's going to be deserving what he wants in the form
of third dates.
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date this fully and the woman is even considering
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
flat-out desperate.
That's right. When you know you blew it sky high and she keeps
coming back, you can know with 100% certainty that you're dealing
with a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
News flash: THIS is how two people who aren't really into each
other to begin with end up MARRIED.
That rarely ends well.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe me--you'll feel the same way if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is especially true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I already know that the guy in the sad story above
indeed realizes he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like, "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, she helped him realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth.
That, of course, came in the form of his announcement that he'd
gladly rest the entire weight of relocating to a completely
different continent on whether she was interested in being with him
permanently or not.
Dude...back off. It's your second date. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create attraction yet, let alone devotion.
It's not like Hershey kisses and dessert are going to stand in for
you, either.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
The whole sordid affair was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying (and that you're paying it AT
ALL)
6) The divorce in general
7) That you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles away, when you
haven't even done the interview yet.
8) How she feels about you
9) And for the love of all that is good in the universe, if you DO
have anything even remotely resembling what I call "The Depth Chart",
keep it a secret. That goes double for any reference to where she
ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
Fight Club to that entire list.
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about religion,
family planning, his porn collection or even politics than ANY of those
things (or at least no worse off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a urinal cake at
this point; it would leave a better taste in one's mouth than hearing
about this date experience) was when he was completely vague about
planning the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was cooked. In fact,
my edumckayted guess is he did indeed sensed that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him another
chance.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you're having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you can't expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who never has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you?
I'll talk to you again soon.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
Check Out The Videos On YouTube And Subscribe
The Mountain Top Podcast...Subscribe And
Leave A Review
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please use the
link below to remove yourself from our mailing list.
The Mountain Top Podcast...Subscribe And
Leave A Review
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please use the
link below to remove yourself from our mailing list.
X & Y Communications LLC
20403 Encino Ledge
#591313
San Antonio, TX 78259-1313
United States Of America
Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options