[X&Y] Is She Interested Or What? How Can You Even Tell?
Published: Mon, 07/28/25
Updated: Mon, 07/28/25
=====
IN THIS EDITION: How do read a woman's level
of interest in you on a first date? Sometimes it
seems practically impossible, doesn't it?
=====
ONLINE DATING IS FOR DINOSAURS
(AND JUST AS EXTINCT)
The past week or so I've been mentioning
how I'm about to WRECK men's dating advice
as you know it.
The official announcement of what's up
with that came in yesterday's newsletter:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
On Wednesday night, this month's Masterclass
For Men will:
1) Fully acknowledge that BOTH pickup
AND online dating apps are DEAD.
2) Power you up with a whole NEW set of
tools and knowledge that NOBODY is
talking about yet.
3) Give you an absolute head start toward
this brand new and powerfully effective
next-gen way of meeting and attracting
women.
4) Still let you use your smartphone or
computer to work all the "magic".
5) Do it all WITHOUT depending on AI.
It may look like I'm burning my own ships
here. In a way, I guess I am.
And any other "dating guru" out there
still trying to teach PUA stuff and/or
dating app "hacks" will probably not be
happy with me...like I'm coming for their
lunch money.
But they can go get butthurt with Betamax
and Blockbuster.
To be clear...in case it's not already
blatantly obvious, there isn't going to be
an Online Dating Domination 4.0.
Instead, Wednesday's Masterclass is a
giant forklift.
This is about moving BEYOND dating
sites and apps.
And of course, pickup isn't even in the
conversation. That's a joke in the year
2025.
As it turns out, there are completely NEW
'out of the box' ways to meet women and
make them LOVE you...and they all follow a
clear pattern that's hiding in plain sight.
You still have a computer and a smartphone,
and yes...technology IS your friend.
And YES...women are STARVING to be social.
Two back-to-back Ten-Plus Live weekends this
month have confirmed it.
The smart, focused men who are the "early
adopters" will get the biggest results FAST.
When it comes to getting women, this is to
2025 what Bitcoin was to 2010:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
Tickets are going fast. We're all more than
ready to escape the grind of pickup and dating
apps, and this is the way forward.
If you're skeptical, I get it. The website gives
you exactly the "sneak peek" you need to
be convinced:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
By the way, if you can't make it on Wednesday
night, as always there WILL be a Download
Portal afterward. I'm not about to leave you
stranded in the Jurassic Period of dating!
=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hey Scot - I hope all is going well.
On a first date how do you handle a situation where you can't tell
if she is interested in you at all? As was the case with a
date last night...
Here is the scene: We met for drinks and free bread at an Italian
restaurant. We sat at the bar, watched pizza dough being thrown
and sipped on our drinks.
It was laid back and casual...not a stuffy, high pressured 1st
restaurant date that you advocate against. I've taken several 1st
dates here and this place has proven for me a good get to know each
other spot.
Here is crux of where my question is coming from. She did a few
things to make me think she was interested, and she did a few things
that made it seem she was not interested.
THE GOOD THINGS: Ran her fingers through her hair several times, a
few times I was able to sustain a long warm smile on her face while
talking to her.
A few times she would spin on her stool directly at me and lean in.
Several times I gave her some really good chuckles that made her
relax and warm up. Sometimes she was warm.
THE NOT SO GOOD SIGNS: She talked a lot about her problems with
finding the right guys. She talked a lot about wondering if
something was wrong with her. At one point she was asking me general
advice on how to let a guy know she is interested with out coming
on too strong...
You know Scot, these type of questions are something a woman would
ask a platonic male friend, and at times this is exactly how I felt.
My gut feeling is sort of telling me that she is lacking attraction
for me.
At the end of the night, I walked her to her car. Hug and kissed
her on the cheek. I'm not scared to go in for a real kiss, but only
when my guts tell me to.
As for me: I am motivated to see her again for 2 reasons. 1) She
turns me on physically. 2) She seems that she may have the level
of character I am looking for in a woman.
This is my plan: Call her tonight and thank her for driving out to
my town to meet me. Let her know that I want to see her a 2nd time
to better find out if there is a mutual connection...
What are your thoughts? How would you better "test the waters" to
find out if the attraction is mutual? Also check out her pic: [withheld].
Thanks!
Dennis (Duluth, GA)
=====
Thanks for the e-mail, Dennis.
She's a cutie. A "girl next door" type.
In my educated opinion it's ALL good news for you.
When I began reading this e-mail I thought you were going to start
talking about a woman who gave absolutely no indicators of interest
whatsoever. Stone faced with detached or closed body language and a
"hands off" attitude.
But here you have a woman who is giving VERY classic signs of
approval and indeed flat-out attraction.
She's engaged in the conversation.
She's smiling and laughing, even leaning in--that's a solid one.
Playing with her hair isn't necessarily as foolproof as some
believe it is, but the old David D. idea of her letting YOU touch
her hair IS. I'd try that next time, when the time is right.
And there WILL be a next time if you follow the plan you described.
I'd leave out the part about seeing if there's a "mutual connection"
and simply let the fact that you are inviting her to see you again
do ALL the talking.
There's really no need to couch it in formalities. If anything that
artificially (and unnecessarily) injects awkwardness into the
situation.
Here are two key ideas to keep in mind when reading a woman's
level of interest on a first date:
1) Most women aren't going to be "all over you" on first dates.
The unfortunate social stigma of being "forward" aside, women are
just as interested in not appearing clingy, needy and/or straight-up
desperate as men are (or should be).
Beside that, they LOVE when a man can take the lead. Note that this
is not to be confused with "chasing".
True leadership is in fact CHOOSING vs. CHASING. She's typically waiting
on YOU as a man to make decisions, even as far as the progression of the
relationship is concerned.
2) Be very careful categorizing 'friendly' conversation as a bad
thing.
The PROBLEM with "Just Be Friends" is the word "Just", not "Friends".
Weirdly, plenty of dating/seduction advice for men seems to talk about
"avoiding friendship" with women altogether.
This is an unfortunate overreaction to pandemic neediness, wimpiness
and lack of masculine presence on the part of many men.
Truth be told, a woman can discuss what's on her mind with you in a
casual, matter of fact manner just like she would for platonic
friends and still very much be wildly hot for you...even if under
the surface.
In fact, creating a friendship with her is CRUCIAL, otherwise there's
nothing else there BUT the sexual attraction. That alone won't
sustain any real relationship for very long.
The difference-maker between "JBF" and the desired result is quite
simply your masculine ability to ignite femininity. That's the
ingredient that creates attraction.
Without that, the conversation might turn to asking your opinion on
specific other guys she's attracted to. I'd agree that's not a good
sign.
But let's back off from the general principles at play here and take
a closer look at your specific situation.
She's asking more general questions related to being attractive to
men.
Plus, she's asking YOU how she might show attraction towards men.
She knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and was actually fishing for
your impressions of her.
All the while, she was seeking out your input on how she might show
her interest towards you in a manner you'd find appropriate.
See that? It makes perfect sense from a human nature perspective.
So maybe she wasn't quite able to contain the "needy impulse" as
much as you might have thought, after all.
I'm wondering how you answered her questions, and--more importantly--
did you give her something she could ACT UPON?
If so...did she?
I trust you didn't miss any of that if it happened right there in
the moment. Once again, it's difficult for us guys to get outside
our own heads sometimes.
By the way, remember the stone-faced "hands-off" chick I mentioned
before? You can't judge a book by its cover even if you find
yourself out with the likes of her.
Sometimes women are very, very cautious--both with their actions
and their words. They may be self-protective because of past
experiences with unworthy guys, or they may just not have the kind
of personality that shows attraction so obviously.
These women, ironically, are often the ones who come to Emily
wondering why they don't get asked on second dates!
The answer, of course, is that guys don't understand her to have
any interest in them whatsoever, even though under the poker-faced
surface, there was PLENTY going on.
Generally, lack of decided DISINTEREST can tell you everything
you really need to know. The big test is if such a woman goes on the
second date.
If she's there, she remains at least somewhat interested, regardless
of her signals (or lack thereof).
This assumes, of course, that the main attraction on such dates is
you, not how much money you're spending. But that's not what's
going on in your case. Great job taking her someplace casual and
with a fun atmosphere.
You are doing a lot right. Keep it up my good man.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
IN THIS EDITION: How do read a woman's level
of interest in you on a first date? Sometimes it
seems practically impossible, doesn't it?
=====
ONLINE DATING IS FOR DINOSAURS
(AND JUST AS EXTINCT)
The past week or so I've been mentioning
how I'm about to WRECK men's dating advice
as you know it.
The official announcement of what's up
with that came in yesterday's newsletter:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
On Wednesday night, this month's Masterclass
For Men will:
1) Fully acknowledge that BOTH pickup
AND online dating apps are DEAD.
2) Power you up with a whole NEW set of
tools and knowledge that NOBODY is
talking about yet.
3) Give you an absolute head start toward
this brand new and powerfully effective
next-gen way of meeting and attracting
women.
4) Still let you use your smartphone or
computer to work all the "magic".
5) Do it all WITHOUT depending on AI.
It may look like I'm burning my own ships
here. In a way, I guess I am.
And any other "dating guru" out there
still trying to teach PUA stuff and/or
dating app "hacks" will probably not be
happy with me...like I'm coming for their
lunch money.
But they can go get butthurt with Betamax
and Blockbuster.
To be clear...in case it's not already
blatantly obvious, there isn't going to be
an Online Dating Domination 4.0.
Instead, Wednesday's Masterclass is a
giant forklift.
This is about moving BEYOND dating
sites and apps.
And of course, pickup isn't even in the
conversation. That's a joke in the year
2025.
As it turns out, there are completely NEW
'out of the box' ways to meet women and
make them LOVE you...and they all follow a
clear pattern that's hiding in plain sight.
You still have a computer and a smartphone,
and yes...technology IS your friend.
And YES...women are STARVING to be social.
Two back-to-back Ten-Plus Live weekends this
month have confirmed it.
The smart, focused men who are the "early
adopters" will get the biggest results FAST.
When it comes to getting women, this is to
2025 what Bitcoin was to 2010:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
Tickets are going fast. We're all more than
ready to escape the grind of pickup and dating
apps, and this is the way forward.
If you're skeptical, I get it. The website gives
you exactly the "sneak peek" you need to
be convinced:
Masterclass For Men: Beyond Dating Sites And Apps
By the way, if you can't make it on Wednesday
night, as always there WILL be a Download
Portal afterward. I'm not about to leave you
stranded in the Jurassic Period of dating!
=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hey Scot - I hope all is going well.
On a first date how do you handle a situation where you can't tell
if she is interested in you at all? As was the case with a
date last night...
Here is the scene: We met for drinks and free bread at an Italian
restaurant. We sat at the bar, watched pizza dough being thrown
and sipped on our drinks.
It was laid back and casual...not a stuffy, high pressured 1st
restaurant date that you advocate against. I've taken several 1st
dates here and this place has proven for me a good get to know each
other spot.
Here is crux of where my question is coming from. She did a few
things to make me think she was interested, and she did a few things
that made it seem she was not interested.
THE GOOD THINGS: Ran her fingers through her hair several times, a
few times I was able to sustain a long warm smile on her face while
talking to her.
A few times she would spin on her stool directly at me and lean in.
Several times I gave her some really good chuckles that made her
relax and warm up. Sometimes she was warm.
THE NOT SO GOOD SIGNS: She talked a lot about her problems with
finding the right guys. She talked a lot about wondering if
something was wrong with her. At one point she was asking me general
advice on how to let a guy know she is interested with out coming
on too strong...
You know Scot, these type of questions are something a woman would
ask a platonic male friend, and at times this is exactly how I felt.
My gut feeling is sort of telling me that she is lacking attraction
for me.
At the end of the night, I walked her to her car. Hug and kissed
her on the cheek. I'm not scared to go in for a real kiss, but only
when my guts tell me to.
As for me: I am motivated to see her again for 2 reasons. 1) She
turns me on physically. 2) She seems that she may have the level
of character I am looking for in a woman.
This is my plan: Call her tonight and thank her for driving out to
my town to meet me. Let her know that I want to see her a 2nd time
to better find out if there is a mutual connection...
What are your thoughts? How would you better "test the waters" to
find out if the attraction is mutual? Also check out her pic: [withheld].
Thanks!
Dennis (Duluth, GA)
=====
Thanks for the e-mail, Dennis.
She's a cutie. A "girl next door" type.
In my educated opinion it's ALL good news for you.
When I began reading this e-mail I thought you were going to start
talking about a woman who gave absolutely no indicators of interest
whatsoever. Stone faced with detached or closed body language and a
"hands off" attitude.
But here you have a woman who is giving VERY classic signs of
approval and indeed flat-out attraction.
She's engaged in the conversation.
She's smiling and laughing, even leaning in--that's a solid one.
Playing with her hair isn't necessarily as foolproof as some
believe it is, but the old David D. idea of her letting YOU touch
her hair IS. I'd try that next time, when the time is right.
And there WILL be a next time if you follow the plan you described.
I'd leave out the part about seeing if there's a "mutual connection"
and simply let the fact that you are inviting her to see you again
do ALL the talking.
There's really no need to couch it in formalities. If anything that
artificially (and unnecessarily) injects awkwardness into the
situation.
Here are two key ideas to keep in mind when reading a woman's
level of interest on a first date:
1) Most women aren't going to be "all over you" on first dates.
The unfortunate social stigma of being "forward" aside, women are
just as interested in not appearing clingy, needy and/or straight-up
desperate as men are (or should be).
Beside that, they LOVE when a man can take the lead. Note that this
is not to be confused with "chasing".
True leadership is in fact CHOOSING vs. CHASING. She's typically waiting
on YOU as a man to make decisions, even as far as the progression of the
relationship is concerned.
2) Be very careful categorizing 'friendly' conversation as a bad
thing.
The PROBLEM with "Just Be Friends" is the word "Just", not "Friends".
Weirdly, plenty of dating/seduction advice for men seems to talk about
"avoiding friendship" with women altogether.
This is an unfortunate overreaction to pandemic neediness, wimpiness
and lack of masculine presence on the part of many men.
Truth be told, a woman can discuss what's on her mind with you in a
casual, matter of fact manner just like she would for platonic
friends and still very much be wildly hot for you...even if under
the surface.
In fact, creating a friendship with her is CRUCIAL, otherwise there's
nothing else there BUT the sexual attraction. That alone won't
sustain any real relationship for very long.
The difference-maker between "JBF" and the desired result is quite
simply your masculine ability to ignite femininity. That's the
ingredient that creates attraction.
Without that, the conversation might turn to asking your opinion on
specific other guys she's attracted to. I'd agree that's not a good
sign.
But let's back off from the general principles at play here and take
a closer look at your specific situation.
She's asking more general questions related to being attractive to
men.
Plus, she's asking YOU how she might show attraction towards men.
She knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and was actually fishing for
your impressions of her.
All the while, she was seeking out your input on how she might show
her interest towards you in a manner you'd find appropriate.
See that? It makes perfect sense from a human nature perspective.
So maybe she wasn't quite able to contain the "needy impulse" as
much as you might have thought, after all.
I'm wondering how you answered her questions, and--more importantly--
did you give her something she could ACT UPON?
If so...did she?
I trust you didn't miss any of that if it happened right there in
the moment. Once again, it's difficult for us guys to get outside
our own heads sometimes.
By the way, remember the stone-faced "hands-off" chick I mentioned
before? You can't judge a book by its cover even if you find
yourself out with the likes of her.
Sometimes women are very, very cautious--both with their actions
and their words. They may be self-protective because of past
experiences with unworthy guys, or they may just not have the kind
of personality that shows attraction so obviously.
These women, ironically, are often the ones who come to Emily
wondering why they don't get asked on second dates!
The answer, of course, is that guys don't understand her to have
any interest in them whatsoever, even though under the poker-faced
surface, there was PLENTY going on.
Generally, lack of decided DISINTEREST can tell you everything
you really need to know. The big test is if such a woman goes on the
second date.
If she's there, she remains at least somewhat interested, regardless
of her signals (or lack thereof).
This assumes, of course, that the main attraction on such dates is
you, not how much money you're spending. But that's not what's
going on in your case. Great job taking her someplace casual and
with a fun atmosphere.
You are doing a lot right. Keep it up my good man.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2025. All Rights Reserved.
Forward this newsletter to a friend, and help
build this worldwide movement of over 100,000
men reclaiming their masculinity, standing as a
positive role model and deserving the high
quality women we want.
The Definitive Facebook Group For Men
Check Out The Videos On YouTube And Subscribe
The Mountain Top Podcast...Subscribe And
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