[X&Y] How To Find Out What She Really Thinks Of You

Published: Fri, 04/25/25

Updated: Fri, 04/25/25



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IN THIS EDITION: So how do you find out
exactly what a woman thinks of you, and
when is the right time to do so?

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THE WAY TO APPROACH AND MEET
WOMEN IN 2025


Things have changed out there.

And while who women are and what
attracts them may be timeless,
what gets the best results when
meeting them HAS.

Recent in-field practice with women
has revealed ONE consistently
powerful way to connect with women
right here and right now...at this
moment in history:



"Yes, And..."



It flat-out, straight-up works.

Nobody else out there is teaching
these secrets.

But if you're sick of beating your
head against the wall on dating apps
are are all about meeting women IRL,
then THIS is your ace in the hole:



"Yes, And..."



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HOW TO FIND OUT WHAT SHE REALLY THINKS OF YOU...AND
WHEN TO DO SO


I know what you're thinking.  You've been told a thousand times NOT
to ask women what they think of you straight up.

Especially on first dates.


  "So, do you think this date is going well?"

  "Can you picture yourself going out on a second date with me?"

  "Do you think I look like my pictures?"


Those questions telegraph desperation and are sure to cause a
woman to second-guess your masculine confidence in a big way.

But assuming you can indeed summon the inner discipline to refrain
from asking such lame, needy questions on first dates (which I'll
be the first to admit we're all usually dying to know the answers to),
when is the "magic moment" when it becomes okay to actually
find out what she's thinking? 

And how do you go about doing so?

Well, first of all, let's deal with the obvious angle that some of
you might fear is going to be my primary answer.

I'm referring, of course, to the brand of advice that suggests you
should NEVER really ask.  Rather, you look for subjective "signals".

Such sage wisdom typically comes in the form of, "Look dude, if she
SHOWS UP for the second date, you can already tell she likes you."  

Or, "If she lets you kiss her, she's obviously sexually attracted
to you."

Etcetera, etcetera and so forth.

And don't get me wrong, I've given such advice myself and it's
altogether valid.

But lately I've been giving more thought to this matter, especially
in light of having been faced with the question on several coaching
calls lately.

Shouldn't we as men have the right to know as much as we can
about what any particular woman we're seeing is thinking and
feeling toward us...and in some objective way?

The answer is a resounding YES. 

I mean, we'd want to be empowered with as much info as we could
get regarding any other important factor in our lives, wouldn't we?

So what's the key to getting the information we want, all in the
name of not only satisfying personal curiosity but making solid
relationship decisions as well?

After all, it makes no sense to guess your way into an exclusive
relationship, right?

I'm not going to keep you in suspense.  The key is simply this:
leadership.

The reason why our approval-seeking questions appear so lame to
women is because we surrender all power to them to say "yes" or
"no" about us. 

This is complicated even further when we are impatient enough to
ask her what she thinks of us way, way too early on.

Further, we've been told time and again in the world of men's
dating advice NOT to compliment women.  In fact, most of the time
we're warned against projecting ANY kind of approval toward her at
all.

So basically, we're all left operating under the premise that we
shouldn't be telling HER that we like her, and that we shouldn't be
asking about what she thinks of US either.

We remain 100% passive all around.  We do not LEAD.

How are we supposed to get anywhere that way?

Well, let's face it:  Most dating advice is geared toward newbies.
It's a fact.

As such, since most guys who have minimal skills with women DO
tend to act desperate around them, job #1 is to "stop the bleeding".

But at some point, we've got to take the Pampers off.

If you want to find out the information you need to make an
informed decision about a woman--including what she thinks of
you--you've GOT to start the conversation.

The way to do this is with a very basic announcement of approval
that doesn't "spill all the beans" in one statement OR pre-approve
her unconditionally.

In other words, "OMG...you are the most beautiful woman I've ever
dreamed of, I can't believe you'd actually want to go out with me
and I'd die if you ever left me" is NOT what I'm talking about here.

Instead, on a second date--when it's clear that she is actually
charming you so effectively on purpose--try pausing, smiling, and
saying simply, "You know, I like you."

She'll probably respond in kind. 

At that point, you're on even footing with her.  The proverbial cat is
out of the bag.

AND, you're in a leadership position as far as the conversation goes,
aren't you?

This means that you can express something more specific about what
you like about her next, and she'll probably continue to do the
same.

And even if she doesn't do so in the moment, but rather simply says
"thank you", something very important has happened:  You've set the
precedent for expressing very frankly what the two of you like
about each other. 

This means that she may come out with what she likes about YOU
unexpectedly in the future. 

But make no mistake, it was your leadership that made this happen.

The most amazing aspect of all this though, is simply this:  The
precedent has not only been set for finding out what the two of you
appreciate about each other, the die has been cast in terms of
honesty in general.

One of the very first ways we're dishonest with people we're
dating, in my opinion, is by trying to conceal our feelings of
attraction and favor toward the other person at the beginning
stages of dating.

Ridiculous, isn't it?  But yes, that's setting the tone for the
entire relationship going forward.

So when compliments are hidden, criticisms are most certainly kept
undercover also.

Ultimately, we end up having no idea what's "real" when in a
relationship with someone, mostly because WE as men set it up to
be that way.

Welcome to why "I love you" is a throwaway phrase.

And on the flip side, welcome to why we can't seem to tell a woman
that a certain pair of jeans doesn't exactly flatter her when
asked, at least without fear of our lives be made into a living hell
for a few days afterward.

Of course we can't.  There has never been any firm establishment
that compliments are honest, so why should any criticism be seen as
constructive or coming from a place of genuine concern either?

Indeed.  Leading a relationship in a way that makes it okay to tell
each other exactly what you think of each other all around is not
only a good thing, it's necessary.

So apart from the second date, where else can you find opportune
moments to deepen each other's knowledge of what you really think
and feel for each other?

Well, when you decide to go exclusive with a woman is another great
time for this.

After all, the main point is pretty much on the table anyway.  When
you enter into a steady relationship with a woman, you're
announcing in no uncertain terms that you are choosing her to the
exclusion of all other women. 

And assuming you are coming from a position of abundance rather
than desperation, this is quite meaningful to the woman. 

So yes, go ahead and tell her WHY you've chosen her. 

And when she agrees to be your girlfriend, guess what?  You can
assume that she also has gladly chosen you.

With that in mind, why not talk then and there--in the "afterglow"
of the moment--about WHY you've chosen each other and what
you're looking forward to in your relationship together? 

Bear in mind I'm NOT talking about gushing about all the
unreasonable expectations you have and/or lapsing into worshiping
her rather than appreciating her.

Just keep it light, but objective. 

You may even go back in time and tell her the "secret" of exactly
when you knew you wanted her to be your girlfriend.  Since you
didn't lose composure at the time, telling her now will be viewed
by her as strength rather than weakness. 

It all makes perfect sense when you put it all together.

Another golden opportunity to find out what she's thinking about
you is during the heat of passion. 

If you find your sexual interaction together is intensely pleasing
to her, you may whisper in her ear something like, "I've wanted
this since the first time I ever saw you."  

It's 100% guaranteed that this will turn her on.  Women love to
feel sexy, and once sexual surrender takes place the more security
you can give her the better. 

And again, just like when you first told her that you like her, you
MAY not get "immediate gratification" in the moment beyond a
fleeting expression of delight.

But make no mistake about it:  You will again have set a crucial
precedent--and she will feel free to be honest about how you make
her feel sexually.

Finally, this conversation would be incomplete without some mention
of how to know what happened when you've screwed up, particularly
so that you don't repeat past mistakes in the future.

Back when I worked in the IT world, whenever I lost a bid to
another company I made a phone call. 

I called the person who had evaluated the bids and I openly asked
what we could have done differently to win the bid.  I usually got
tremendous insight into how to build future bids that were all but
bulletproof, which gave us a major advantage going forward.

If a woman breaks up with you, it's "game over".  Instead of
begging her to come back (and thereby perpetuating your sense of
loss), why not simply gather yourself and ask her point blank where
things went wrong?

For sure, if the break up was a messy one, you may have already
received some "unsolicited" answers.  But if, on the other hand,
you're ever left hanging after a split because she was "trying to
be nice", man up and find out what you need to know.

That way you'll at least have more of the "big picture" in place
with regard to what NOT to do next time around.  And that's worth
its weight in gold.
 

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