[X&Y] Un-Just, I Tell You.
Published: Sun, 12/07/25
Updated: Mon, 12/08/25
WHAT'S INSIDE: This newsletter will
give new meaning to the phrase, "Just
Say No".
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UN-JUST, I TELL YOU.
We should all probably rethink our usage of the word "just".
In the interest of clarity, there are no issues whatsoever with
using the word as an adjective to mean "fair" or "guided by truth",
as dictionary.com would put it. You know, in the same sense as
"justice".
The problems start when we use the word "just" as an adverb to
mean "no more than", "merely" or "only"...particularly when
whatever thought we are expressing would make perfect sense
WITHOUT the word "just" in it.
Let me give some examples.
"This will just take a minute of your time."
"I just want to thank you."
"Will you just go out with me? Just this ONCE...PLEASE?
I BEG you...I'll just DIE if you don't. Come on...just one
little kiss?
Oops. If you're even mildly intuitive, you're already on to
what I'm getting at.
When you insert the word "just" into a request or statement of
desire it instantly adds a tangible measure of neediness or
flat-out desperation to the mix.
What could have been a perfectly dignified statement or
question is ruthlessly relegated to the realm of supplication or
flat-out begging:
Example A: "This will take a minute."
Example B: "This will just take a minute."
The vibe is different, isn't it? Example A is an assertive
statement of fact, whereas example B conveys a clear hope the
speaker isn't imposing upon the listener in any way.
Desperate, needy guys who beg women in a way they hope isn't
an imposition are NOT attractive, or course.
Now, let me be perfectly up front with you here. Like most of us I
spent much of my life happily using the word "just" in a
disadvantageous way.
I only figured out what I'm telling you today after going to a
prayer meeting. That's right...a prayer meeting.
When people said prayers out loud, almost every sentence
contained the "j" word. Every request to God was punctuated
by it.
This stands to reason. After all, it makes sense that those who
pray would humble themselves before The Almighty when
addressing Him.
Let's face it. You're not going to "alpha" God, huh?
But even so, it probably still doesn't make much sense to use the
word "just" so much, even in prayer.
After all, if you "just" want God to answer a certain prayer, what
business do you have continuing to pile on more requests?
Either you "just" want that one thing done for you or for starving
children in Africa, or you've in fact got more on the plate to ask
about.
It's one or the other, right?
Therein lies the insidious subtlety of why the word "just" is so
blasted dangerous.
The reason WHY it makes our statements and requests appear so
WEAK is because it implies that we ONLY need ONE small thing
in order to make everything okay for us.
And yet, we also openly telegraph how we view our request as
an imposition upon the other person.
Double wow.
So now, armed with this perspective, can you imagine the EPIC
FAIL likely to happen when you get a woman's phone number
and leave a voice mail message as follows?
"Uh, hello. It's just me, [INSERT NAME HERE]. I'm just calling to
leave you a message because I enjoyed meeting you the other
night. If you could just call me back, we could go out sometime.
You know, just to get some coffee or something."
Compare that with this version:
"Hey, it's [INSERT NAME HERE]. I enjoyed meeting you the other
night. So call me back and we can go out and get coffee
sometime."
Granted, the second version is still pretty vanilla and not
exactly a stone-cold lock by any stretch. Indeed, you can ultimately
do far better than that, but let's stay on point here for the purpose
of this newsletter.
Note the clear difference in tone between the two messages, which
actually are meant to convey the exact same meaning...at least
objectively.
I have to warn you. Breaking yourself of the "just" habit is going
to take some work. It might shock you how much you use the word in
its more perilous context.
But once you start catching yourself, you can start being
intentional about NOT saying it.
And next, develop a similar mindset around the word "maybe", too.
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