[X&Y] Why So Many Guys Lose With Women (And How To Win Instead)

Published: Mon, 10/27/25

Updated: Mon, 10/27/25



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WHAT'S INSIDE: Are you your own worst
enemy when it comes to women?

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WHY SO MANY GUYS LOSE WITH WOMEN (AND HOW TO
WIN INSTEAD)



A number of years back, something called the Prevent Defense
came into vogue in the National Football League.

Essentially a defensive set featuring a whopping seven defensive
backs (four is typical), the strategy was developed as a way to
"prevent" long pass plays from happening.

The theory behind the Prevent Defense is simple. 

Suppose your team is up by a touchdown or more late in the fourth
quarter.  The opposing team's only apparent hope of a comeback is
to score very quickly on big-yardage plays.  As such, making 5-8
yard runs or short passes here and there isn't going to cut it as
there simply isn't enough time left on the clock.

Now in theory the Prevent Defense makes perfect sense, at least
from a statistical, scientific perspective.

There's only one problem...and it's a BIG ONE.

Time and again, teams that have used the Prevent Defense in
particularly huge playoff games where the entire season was on the
line have gotten burned by it.

Nobody could really explain why, but when the more seasoned
coaches began to stick to their defensive game plans in big games
no matter what (e.g. Mike Shanahan in Super Bowl XXXII and John
Harbaugh in Super Bowl XLVII), they got MUCH better results.

What's up with that?

By way of explanation, let's consider a particularly big game in
another sport. 

Back in Game 2 of the 2011 NBA Finals between the Dallas
Mavericks and the Miami Heat, there was a quintessential
example of a similar dynamic.

Up by double-digits late in the game, Miami played largely with a
strategy of PLAYING NOT TO LOSE.

Meanwhile, guys on the other side like Dirk Nowitski sensed the
gravity of the situation, flat-out stepped up and played with the
urgency of a champion.

Dirk and his team PLAYED TO WIN.

To some it was astounding that Dallas actually eked out the
victory.

But anyone who understands the Heart Of A Champion knew
better.

The "decision maker" there comes down to which team concerns
itself more with WINNING than NOT losing.

Here it is:  Whether you're playing in a Super Bowl, in the NBA
Finals, or yes...out with a woman, the same principle holds true.

If you "play" as if you're trying NOT TO LOSE, your mindset will be
too weak to carry you to a positive outcome.

Way too many of us as guys tend to run the Prevent Defense on
first dates. 

And sure enough, we end up looking like the 2011 Miami Heat
out there.

We tell ourselves "not to blow it" before we leave the house.

Then, when we get in front of an amazing 100% feminine woman
who looks capable of anything sexually, all we can think of is how
NOT to make some sort of mental or physical error that will get
her to run away.

Further, wondering whether or not coming off as a fully sexual,
masculine creature will offend her, we "play it safe". 

We trot seven defensive backs onto the proverbial field and, well
...we do what we can to guard against big mistakes.

We keep the conversation neuter.  We talk about the weather and
entertainment news instead of taking the risk of flirting with
her in any way, shape or form.

We walk on eggshells, being very careful not to disagree with
her or present any challenge at all. 

And in the end we LOSE.  Game over.  No second date.  Not
even an answer to our texts.

So the million-dollar question is why do things tend to turn out
that way in big-time situations, for both pro teams AND for us?

You see, when you "play it safe" you're checking everything
exciting at the door.

Just like a team who plays NOT to lose, you rely on statistically
"proven" tactics and "safe" strategies precisely at the time when
BOLDNESS, PURE ENERGY and utter FIRE in one's soul are
prerequisite for "big game" success.

I'll say it for the umpteen thousandth time around here:

Women follow our lead. 

If you expect success, women will get on board with that.

If you're clearly trying NOT to fail, you won't be giving any woman
much more to focus on than what YOU'RE focused on:  Failure.

So then, the next time you look in the mirror before you go out on
a date, tell yourself to give that female human being who's going
to be with you for the evening something to be EXCITED about.

Vow to yourself that you'll bring out the best in her by fully expecting 
everything to go well.

The guy who runs Prevent Defense on dates wonders whether or
not he'll be good enough to keep her attracted.

Meanwhile, the champion assumes that same woman will adore
him, and then sets his purpose upon deciding whether or not SHE'S
woman enough to get a second date with him.

There's a big difference there.  Just ask any Defensive Coordinator
in the NFL.

 

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