[X&Y] How To Create Attraction (Reader Question)
Published: Fri, 03/13/20
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IN THIS EDITION: Should you really have to DO anything in order to
make attraction happen? Can't you just BE attractive?
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HOW TO CREATE ATTRACTION
Hey Scot,
Often, I hear talk about "creating" attraction as if it is something
that can be concocted in a laboratory and something that isn't
naturally there when interacting with women.
But then I often hear you talk about being masculine, representing
what women want, and letting the sexual polarity that results take
care of attraction.
So I want to know, once and for all, in your opinion, can somebody
actually "create" attraction?
I mean, why can't I just BE attractive instead of having to feel
like I have to check off a list of things-to-do in order to
"create" attraction with the women I talk to?
Thank you,
Donnie (Richmond, VA)
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Hello Donnie, and thanks for writing. You've asked an excellent
question.
Ultimately there is a measure of semantics involved when speaking
of "creating" attraction as opposed to say, "inspiring" it or even
just "representing" it by way of natural masculinity.
That's the first thing to bear in mind.
But no kidding, in a very real way since "be" is itself a verb,
the action of "creating" attraction really is caused by your
BEING attractive.
There's not necessarily that "checklist" of hoops you've got to
jump through, you simply HAVE (another verb) the ability to make
attraction happen.
In other words, HAVING that aura--or BEING a masculine man--is the
extent of the "work" involved in CREATING attraction.
The beauty of it all is that once you've built the habits
associated with being a "big four" man (confidence, masculinity as
women define it, the ability to make a woman feel safe and
comfortable in your presence, character) then you'll NEVER AGAIN
have to even think about having to memorize some script or series
of actions.
This really is true, even though it seems a bit counter-intuitive
to our male minds. We instinctively feel like we've got to
"perform" in some way.
Remember...attraction works a bit differently in women. Whereas we
may become instantaneously turned on by a woman's mere appearance,
women usually need to become a bit more familiar with your "whole
package" before they really warm up to you sexually.
For them, it's not so much a binary "on/off" switch that's either
there or isn't from the very start.
Simply stated, the more you interact with them, exhibiting "big
four" traits, the hotter they get.
In essence, attraction is "created" BY your overall inherent
attractiveness.
So yes, it is definitely more about WHO you are than what you DO,
when you get right down to it.
But that said, the caveat is that your actions--even if they're
spontaneous rather than rehearsed--have have to be attractive
pursuant to your persona as a high quality man.
That part isn't really so gender-specific, is it? The more
femininity a visually attractive woman exudes as you get to know
her, the hotter she gets also, right?
But even so, if you think about it it's not like she has to check
objective items off a "to do list" to keep you interested, either.
When you get right down to it, Donnie, your question ultimately
serves the purpose of illustrating how uncomplicated attraction
should be. I sense you've already figured that out.
It really is a bummer that so many guys still think they should
perform a series of "stupid human tricks" in a lame effort to
impress women, when really their natural, masculine presence
is all that a woman craves.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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