[X&Y] Why Women Aren't Approaching You First

Published: Tue, 04/28/20

We've always been told that women are all about subtlety, all the time. But lately I've become convinced that's not so true after all...

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WHAT'S INSIDE:  We've always been told that women are all about
subtlety, all the time. But lately I've become convinced that's not
so true after all...

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WHY WOMEN AREN'T APPROACHING YOU FIRST


Most guys report that they have absolutely no idea when women are
attracted to them. 

This is probably because we consider ourselves to be all about
seeing things in black and white, whereas women tend to be
creatures of subtlety--at least when it comes to showing interest in
a man.

Let's camp on that thought for a brief moment. 

Most of us as guys automatically assume that women are creatures of
subtlety in general because that's what we've been taught to
believe.

But I invite you to eavesdrop on a conversation a woman is having
with the customer service department somewhere when things aren't
going as she expects them to go.

Or better yet, go to your local supermarket around mid-morning on a
weekday and observe how moms deal with their pre-school aged
children.

They're about as subtle as a lightning bolt.  True, isn't it?

The truth is that women can be about as overtly blunt as men can
be.  And similarly, some men can operate with the kind of subtle
finesse that is usually credited to women.

So subtlety, as it turns out, is neither a masculine nor feminine
trait, per se. 

So what gives?  How come women absolutely, positively tend to be so
subtle in the context of showing signs of interest toward a man
they are romantically attracted to?

The answers are pretty simple. 

First, women are hyper-conscious of their social status as ladies.

They know that being branded a "slut" is the social kiss of death,
for better or worse.  So they aren't often going to just throw
themselves at you.  

You're going to have to make it clear that you welcome their
affection, and that they can feel safe and comfortable in your
presence. 

Will you protect their reputation or expose them to potential
social harm?

Further, women know you really don't want them to come right out
with a blatant expression of interest.

Someone just said, "What?  Are you KIDDING me?  I'd LOVE for women
to be all over me without having to make the first move."

Show me a guy who thinks that, and I'll show you a guy who doesn't
have a whole lot of practical, real-world experience with women
throwing themselves at him.

We may think we'd like that--and may even flat-out dream about
it--but the truth is that when reality comes knocking we tend to
get turned off by women who are "forward", don't we?
 
When that happens, we feel like we've had our part in the dance of
attraction utterly hijacked.

This factor is ironic in itself, considering we as guys tend to
feel that way even if we usually wimp out from approaching women
and progressing things ourselves.

But when faced with the opportunity we previously dreamed of, we
quickly realize that appearing needy and even desperate is a
universal turnoff.  It's not gender specific.

The two reasons for women's subtlety in expressing interest in you
are both valid. 

But there's another factor...and this one is FAR more significant
than even the other two.

Most of all, women tend to be subtle when showing interest because
when it comes to matters of attraction and dating, they want YOU to
man up and take the lead. 

They want YOU to make the first move.  After all, a man should have
a plan and be able to make decisions.  Subtlety may not be a
gender specific trait, but THOSE sure are.

Women know this, and they want to SEE those traits in you.  They
want you to ignite them MORE, not LESS.

So naturally, when you DON'T make that all-important bold move to
act on mutual attraction, the woman is left with a choice to make.

Either she will finally make that move herself, or she'll keep
waiting--and keep hoping--that you'll DO SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.

That's why a woman who likes you will drop subtle hints but will
wait it out until the bitter end to be forward with you.

And the irony?  When that time finally comes, it's a "bitter end"
indeed.  She probably has lost all attraction for you by that time
anyway...and may even be frustrated about it.

Because here it is:  Were she to decide that she needs to take up
the masculine on your behalf and make the move herself, she'd LOSE
attraction. 

Even when a woman IS aggressive enough to have the guts to make a
first move toward you, she'd rather not.  It's like a last resort. 

And know this. 

Let's assume you do somehow end up with a few women in your life
who nutted up on your behalf and made the first move when you were
too timid to...and somehow remain attracted to you, at least to some
degree.

You surely can't depend upon that forever, or you'll be back to
ending up only with women who selected you.  No kidding.  

And when you don't select the women YOU want in your life, you
settle.  And when you settle, everyone loses...even the women in your
life.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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