[X&Y] Whining And Dining

Published: Fri, 05/29/20



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WHAT'S INSIDE:   Women love to be wined and dined.  But not like
this.

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WHINING AND DINING


By now you know I believe the old, worn-out “dinner and a movie”
trope is about the WORST idea for a first date imaginable.

After all, the main point of a first date is to get to know each other,
not to  1) pile on the pressure at the dinner table, with her not
knowing what’s appropriate to order, followed by  2) sitting in the
dark silently for two hours…awkwardly.

But meanwhile, there’s still a valid counterpoint for the idea of
eating together, isn’t there?

After all, sharing a meal is an act that bonds people together.

It's no wonder that business people often work deals over dinner.

And it’s a foregone conclusion that if you know how to cook a
woman dinner at your place, you’ll have her (literally) eating out
of your hand.  I mean, come on...I've written the book on that
subject.

Further, dinner isn’t the only meal.  Breakfast or lunch are
automatically lower-pressure date gigs.  Truth be told, I met Emily
at breakfast and it obviously went spectacularly well.

Add it all up and I’m not about to pretend that men and women
don’t usually end up at the dining table together when they're
getting to know each other.

Hell, even if you do something suitably creative and interactive
on a first or second date, you'll likely work up some hunger
before you’re ready to part ways.

And once you’re at the table together, you’re going to have to
TALK to each other.

That’s where some well-thought out strategy should come into
play.  After all, if natural entropy is allowed to take its course
you’re likely to end up going places in your conversation you
never should have gone.

I call it “whining and dining”.

Basically, if left to your own devices, chances are phenomenally
high that the two of you will end up bitching about everything.

The service.  The food.  Your work week.  Her boss.  Past first
dates.  Online dating creepers.

God forbid politics.

Worst of all, your exes.

Well, guess what?  Negativity is an attraction killer.

And unfortunately for you, it’s unreasonable to expect her to put
the quick kibosh on conversation that’s headed southward in a jiffy.

If she has the presence of mind to save the day, great.  But it’s a
much better idea to come prepared to lead.

So keep a watchful eye over your conversation with women.  That
goes for any time, really, not just first dates.

It’s a solid idea to come prepared with positive conversation ideas.

My favorite way to do this was to listen to talk radio on the way to
meeting women, taking note of interesting (but positive) public
interest stories.

You can also ask her questions like what her favorite childhood
memory is, or where she would go if she could snap her fingers
right now and be anywhere in the world.

Remember also the importance of making her feel safe and secure.

So yes...contrary to all the newbie dating advice out there, if she
looks great, tell her.  She probably made an effort to do so.

In fact, if you’ve met her online and she looks even better than her
pictures, you absolutely should say so.

You’re not going to look needy or desperate by speaking the truth,
only if you have an agenda behind the compliment.  Let your
words stand alone, purely for the purpose of putting her at ease.

Similarly, if you’re having fun, it’s okay to tell her that too.

Be observant and notice if she seems nervous.  If so, tell her if you
think it’s going well already, and invite her to relax and enjoy herself.

If you’re really feeling adventurous, once you sense she’s digging
you, ask her what she likes to do for fun.  Expect anything.

Once you enact this simple strategy for remaining positive when
conversing with a woman over a meal, you open the floodgates for
that intimacy that’s built through bonding.

It's called "connecting", and in case you're new at this it's pretty
much the holy grail of first dates. 

Perhaps weirdly, you’ll probably also have separated yourself from
all the other needy, pushy, socially-inept guys she’s been going
out with lately.


 
 




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