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WHAT'S INSIDE: Here are six more situations when a woman's "rejection" really has nothing to do with you personally. Once you understand what goes on in a woman's head, it can empower you to a place where you're way beyond approach anxiety.
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MIGHTIER THAN THE PEN OR THE SWORD
You can take the world by force.
You can write in a way that changes hearts and minds.
But when your WORDS carry weight, earn respect and build alliances, that's where you really win.
And yes, ask any woman and she'll tell you the plain truth.
When a man knows how to use his voice the RIGHT way, there's nothing sexier in the world.
For the last two years I've been empowering men to quite literally find their voice.
Maybe your tone, cadence or delivery aren't where they should be.
Maybe you want to project your voice more to attract women and earn respect from men.
Or it could be you want to fine-tune your elocution, or even your accent.
Those are some of the many ways Voice Power Coaching empowers you:
Voice Power Coaching
If you suspect this is the biggest hurdle standing between you and success with both women AND your career, you're probably right.
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WHEN REJECTION ISN'T REALLY REJECTION AT ALL (PART TWO)
Last time we covered some of the "political" situations that can keep a woman from accepting your invitation to go out with her.
Today, as promised, I'm following up with the "emotional" side of things.
Here are six instances when you may not get the date, but it was who she is at her core that kept you from getting the desired outcome as opposed to anything having to do with you at all.
Fasten your seat belts...this may very well be a wild ride:
1) She Has A Mental Block About Relationships
Look at you. Life is great, you love women, and you're generally doing fine.
It's easy to think that because a woman looks good (make that REALLY good) that things are going as well for her as they are for you.
Not so fast, cowboy.
Tons of women look terrific on the outside, but are a total emotional bird's nest internally. Among other factors, they may have what lady gurus call "intimacy issues".
Translated, this means she's just not in the condition to be one-half of a great relationship, and sometimes she may even fully acknowledge that fact.
Maybe she's had negative experiences with a few "bad apples" out there, and now thinks "all men are alike". Or maybe she just got dumped by her "prince charming".
If the wounds are still fresh, she may be particularly prone to passing on every opportunity to date that comes along.
And don't kid yourself. By "not in the condition to be one-half of a great relationship" I'm not necessarily referring to "marriage", although particularly sharp women seldom treat any type of "date" as utterly devoid of future potential.
But on the other hand, might she be up for a "rebound fling" in the name of making the last guy "pay"? Sure. All I'm saying is you can't count on that.
2) Her Mood
This one looks and feels similar to #1 above, but is more focused on where she is emotionally in the moment rather than as a result of the cumulative effects of relationship issues.
Maybe she's still in a huff over what happened at work today.
Perhaps she's cranky over something else you have no way of knowing about.
Or what if there's family drama or some other source of genuine stress in her life?
The possibility even exists that she's straight-up not feeling sexy today, and that's all there is to it.
But no matter what it is that's bugging her, she curtly dismisses you when you approach her. For her the timing was just wrong, even though you had no reason to believe otherwise when you walked up to her.
3) Her Limiting Beliefs
It's easy to think women have all the answers when it comes to dating and relationships, isn't it?
We're told that women are more intuitive and more socially astute than we are.
We're led to believe that beautiful women have it all together and have absolutely no problem finding tons of high quality guys.
Yeah, right. You should read Emily's e-mails sometime.
Even the most beautiful women can (and often do) view themselves as wholly inadequate. As tragic and uncalled for as this is, it's what goes on.
So get this: You--despite your own slate of "limiting beliefs"--may very well be considered by her to be "out of her league".
Think I'm kidding? I need both hands to count the number of guys I know whose online dating success skyrocketed as soon as they started writing to the absolute sharpest women in their metro areas instead of the "average" ones.
There's no other solution to explain this weird phenomenon than the one I just threw out on the table.
Bear in mind also the intense pressure women feel to conform to a media-driven stereotype of what "beauty" looks like.
This includes, among other preposterous notions, that women should have six-pack abs and "shapely (read: 'flat') buttocks" in order to be attractive to men.
Whatever.
Suffice it to say that most women can't stand the sight of themselves naked, and therefore many of them can't bear the thought of getting naked with a guy anytime soon...so they avoid dating altogether.
That's right, you got it: Women can suffer from "analysis paralysis" as easily as you can, buster. And once that "if/then loop" gets to spinnin', there's no stopping it.
If you doubt any of what I'm telling you, consider this. One of my earliest newsletters was called "Why Motherhood Is Sexy". Women e-mailed me in droves afterward telling me they had cried tears of cathartic joy upon reading it.
4) Her Dark Secret
Have you ever considered that a woman may have a very real "secret" that keeps her from going out with guys?
In many ways, this could theoretically fall under the "limiting beliefs" department. The difference is that here I'm alluding to stuff that might legitimately make you think twice about asking her out.
A story comes to mind about a woman I heard about whose estranged husband (in other words, they were still married) had developed the habit of stalking the last few guys she had gone on dates with and was now wanted by law enforcement authorities in connection with violent threats, etc.
She decided maybe she shouldn't go out on any more dates for a while.
And see? You were thinking I was going to talk about how a woman's latest HIV test may have come back "inconclusive" or something.
No matter what's going on there, there's only one thing that's for sure: She isn't going to feel the need to share the whole, sordid story with YOU just because you invited her to hang out with you.
Rather, she's simply going to politely refuse your invitation...thank goodness.
5) Her Sexual Orientation
This one is about as straightforward as it gets.
Maybe she's a lesbian.
And just like when it comes to "dark secrets", she may not feel particularly compelled to explain that to a perfect stranger like you.
Heck, she may never have explained it to anyone before. Who knows?
6) You're Just Not Her Type
You may not be her cup of tea. Period, end of story.
And for the 4,572,935th time...this is NOT about you.
If one woman doesn't particularly care for you, it does NOT mean that all women aren't attracted to you either.
Here's an exercise for you that should cure this ailment once and for all.
Try looking at the "flip side" of this whole concept. I want you to think of a woman who is internationally famous for her "beauty", but meanwhile you have no earthly idea why.
For me, Uma Thurman comes to mind. One look at those gnarly bare feet in "Kill Bill" convinced me more than ever. Yet in every movie I've ever seen her people go on and on about how hot she is. Meh...
Then again, you'll notice that Emily couldn't be more the opposite of Uma Thurman.
Yet, I don't think Uma Thurman could care less whether I agree she's hot or not.
Why not? Because she has all the attention she needs from other guys...many of whom are probably more HER type than I am anyway.
But on the other hand, I don't care what your excuse is for thinking all women are going to "reject" you for your limiting beliefs.
You name it, and I've met a woman who is attracted to it...even if it's that you happen to be a death row inmate.
It doesn't matter WHO you are. Assuming you're doing the best with what you've got, there's a woman someplace, somewhere who WILL go out with you, and another who NOT go out with you.
In fact, there are probably more than a few of each.
Even Michael Freaking Jordan was summarily rejected at first by the woman who would eventually become his wife.
And even though those two divorced years later for a variety of complicated reasons, the point is there's solid reason to believe that even when the first approach isn't successful you can come back later when some of the dust clears from all the factors that weren't about you anyway.
But I remain convinced the bigger picture is even more reassuring, if oddly so.
Just like you've got your reasons for not going out with some perfectly great women out there, some perfectly great women have their own set of reasons why they'd pass on you...despite your inherent worth to thousands of other great women everywhere.
Granted, some of those reasons--either yours or hers--are flat-out silly. Maybe we all should just get over it.
The sooner we stop tying our self-perception regarding our "success" with women (and dare I say our self-worth itself) to the outcome of any particular approach situation, the better.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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