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IN THIS EDITION: You have been asking for specific examples of how to "ignite femininity" when you are with a woman. Here are ten of them for you--all of which you can start putting into action today.
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GO FROM FRUSTRATION TO WANTON DISREGARD FOR GETTING TO WORK ON TIME THE NEXT MORNING
Most guys who aren't as successful with women as they'd like to be share a common pattern.
When it comes to relating to women, they think like a man.
But what makes the most sense to us in theory when it comes to meeting and talking to women often falls flat as a pancake when applied in real life.
And I won't even begin to go into how this affects long-term relationships...wow.
Let me tell you, it's absolutely, positively true that women do think differently than we as guys do in a lot of ways.
But since they're also the same species of human being as we are, they also think exactly like we do in many other ways.
So how do you sort all of that out? Well now, that's the ninja skill that separates the men from the boys in this whole area.
And if you really want to get ahead of just about every other guy on the planet when it comes to understanding women, then Chick Whispering is your turnkey plan:
Chick Whispering
Guys who've ravenously devoured the Chick Whispering program in the years since I first introduced it have reported visible, tangible changes in how first dates are going for them.
Simply put, if you're sick of underachieving with women even though you know you're a great guy, this is probably the missing piece of the puzzle:
Chick Whispering
Having given this some thought, I've decided that once you get a handle on what's in Chick Whispering you'd likely appreciate a great excuse to go try out your newly-minted skills.
So check it out. If you snap up your copy of Chick Whispering by tomorrow night at 11:59p Texas time (Central Daylight Time, GMT -5), I'll to fork over a copy of my book Cook For Your Date as a free bonus.
No kidding. It goes for $27 in the X & Y Communications Store all day long, but I'm really looking forward to hearing your success stories. The way I see it, the proper formula for such a success story would go something like this:
1) Absorb every precious iota of goodness in Chick Whispering so fully it'll make sponges jealous.
2) Voraciously consume every word of top-secret, nuclear arsenal craziness that's in Cook For Your Date.
3) Let the hottest, sexiest woman you've met this week invite herself over to your house for dinner.
4) Proceed to affect such utterly magical attraction magnetism that it should probably be illegal in some states...and do so with no regard whatsoever for having to go to work in the morning.
5) Holy Mama, what a difference!
Obviously, writing this is bringing back some sweet memories.
I mean, I've known Emily for almost nineteen years now and all of what I've revealed in Chick Whispering and Cook For Your Date still works like crazy.
And she knows it, even acknowledges it, and still loves every minute of it.
Really.
Sure, you've got 48 hours or so to mull it over. But if you take me up on this cool little deal that I've got for you right now, that's a 48-hour head start you'll have on enjoying the fruits of your decision. So here's that link again:
Chick Whispering
By the way, YES...Chick Whispering still comes with a live 30-minute 1-on-1 session with me personally.
And now, let's get to that question from Kevin in New Mexico. He asks about how exactly to "ignite femininity"...
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Scot,
I recently went out with a single mom, who had actually approached me for the date. Throughout the day prior to the date she was texting me so on and so forth. She kept telling me how excited she was. While I was excited as well, there was no need in building up an expectation.
I was going into the date with NO expectations other than getting to know her. I used a few of the standard questions, but then moved on to other questions to "ignite her femininity," such as, "Wow you seem passionate about X. Why is that?" or "What do you like to do? Really...how did you get involved?", etc.
These were not canned questions, and I was just trying to be different. Well, she would answer but she hardly asked any questions back.
This is not to say she was chatting the whole time. She just seemed to lack the drive she had previously to get to know me.
I can honestly say I had little to no chance to put my foot into my mouth.
Now I know the advice about not being creepy, smelling bad, and other hidden detractors to success. While I am no Casanova, I know plenty of female friends whom I can flirt with and so on who would be honest if I did something wrong.
Since I have friends who would tell me the truth no matter what, I went into this date with the confidence I have when hanging out with friends.
I did not try to treat her as a friend, I did not act neutered, and I avoided past mistakes which got me into the "just friends zone."
I am glad I have an honest person like you to tell me about my questions and approach when on a date. I want a conversation to be interesting, because I personally hate a dull conversation and find it pointless to continue the date if it is.
I know you don't like to give advice on what exact words to say, which I don't want because it DOES sound canned and fake.
But how can a man carry a conversation and not appear neutered? What topics or questions are not neutered questions?
Kevin (Roswell, NM)
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Hey Kevin:
I have to tell you. You are certainly not alone.
And I don't mean the otherworldly aliens y'all have over there in Roswell.
You've got real, red-blooded, New Mexican hotties over there, son!
But in this context, what I really mean is there are countless thousands of guys who share your dilemma.
Like you and me, they don't want to use "canned lines".
Yet, we often find ourselves at a total loss when it comes to sparking conversation that "ignites femininity", don't we?
Worse, sometimes (like you just saw the cold, harsh reality of) we think we're doing what it takes to create attraction, only to watch things fall flat on her end.
Truth be told, it usually takes a very objective plan at first in order for most guys to get it right.
Although the words you choose should be your own, you can indeed build a solid framework of patterns and mindsets that tend to get stunning results.
Along those lines, here are the top ten ideas for sparking the kind of conversation that is most likely to "ignite femininity":
1) Speak in that almost regal way that demonstrates leadership and shows you have her best interest at heart.
For example, if you're at a restaurant and they try to sit you by the door when it's cold outside, you may instinctively remember that women get cold easily. So you confidently suggest to the host or hostess that you that you'd like to be placed at a table that's further away from the door.
You voice this request because you know your date will be cold by the door, so you are unconcerned about being polite versus causing discomfort to your date. You don't ASK this in the form of "Um...if it's okay, do you think maybe we could possibly..."
You put her feelings and priorities first, and expect her to follow your leadership accordingly.
You don't do this in an obnoxious way, but rather in a confident way that exerts your opinion of what the right thing to do is. It's as if you are "in charge" of the situation...because you are.
2) Instead of merely making small talk, isolate her femininity in the questions you ask.
Instead of, "What do you think of the weather we've been having?" try, "So what really makes you feel like a woman?" Such a simple acknowledgment that you and she are of different genders is often WAY past where most men are willing to take the conversation.
Make no mistake, the questions you asked the woman you were out with were great questions. But they weren't the type of questions that expressly address the powerful polarity between a man and a woman.
If that polarity isn't stoked in your conversation, it's going to be all neuter, all the time for as long as the two of you have to endure the date.
The best practice is to engage her with a mix of the kind of questions you asked with combined with least a few gender-specific questions. Too many of the latter and you'll indeed come off weird, no doubt.
You want conversation to flow naturally ASAP rather than occurring as if you have some sort of hidden agenda.
3) Keep it light and fun. No heavy stuff.
You've GOT to avoid any talk of work, politics, religion or long-term marriage goals during first meetings for sure, and probably even for a few dates after that. There will be plenty of time for that later.
And by all means guard against any indication of complaining or bitterness. In fact, you can even call that sort of conversation out if SHE starts it. Tell her you want to hang out with positive people.
Getting this right shows her that you, again, are about her comfort even as you know how to take leadership. It also shows you know how to create a fun, intriguing environment for pressure-free male/female relating to happen. Very cool.
4) Get her to talk about herself by asking open ended questions.
This means asking for descriptions and/or opinions as opposed to anything that can be responded to with a simply "yes" or a "no". You can't have any conversation whatsoever otherwise, especially one that's going to keep you out of the dreaded "JBF Zone".
When she is free to talk about herself, she senses that you care more about her than about impressing her. When the circumstances are such, women are more likely to utter those magic words, "It's as if you and I have known each other for ten years, not ten minutes."
5) Give approval when appropriate, and from a perspective of authority as opposed to neediness.
For example, she may say, "I can bake some mean pecan peanut butter oatmeal cookies. They're my favorite."
In response, you wouldn't say "REALLY?!? Pecan peanut butter oatmeal cookies are my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE TOOOOO!!!!" Because they're not. You're would just be saying that in an attempt to shoehorn artificial rapport into the scenario, which would be pathetic.
Instead, try, "No kidding? So you can bake. I'm proud of you...baking is a lost art and not many women can bake. "I'm proud of you" is an immensely powerful phrase because it usually it conveys authority.
It puts you in control as a "chooser" and keeps you there.
6) In fact, avoid trying too hard to build rapport or impress women in general.
Why is that? Because "trying too hard", although a pandemic problem among us as guys, is irrevocably fatal.
Instead, imply with your words (preferably indirectly) that it's SHE who should be trying to impress YOU...all the while making no effort to hide your intrigue.
Intrigue works, neediness does not work. The tricky part, though, is that the two concepts are tantalizingly similar.
For example, after she talks about baking cookies you may ask, "So...what other kinds of tasty treats do you think you can tempt me with?"
Let her answer the question. If she picks up on the flirtatious nature of it, so be it. If not, don't break stride.
7) Do not be afraid to flirt.
I've defined flirting before as ANY communication between a man and a woman that would feel flat-out wrong were it between members of the same sex (assuming heterosexuality, of course).
So flirting doesn't have to involve overtly sexual come-ons by any stretch. This means that in all actuality if you sucpect she is flirting, she probably is.
And if what you are planning to say sounds remotely flirtatious and/or even adventurous, it IS.
Women LOVE this. Rest assured that it's not going to come off as creepy if she has already agreed to be on a date with you and appears to be having fun.
Remember, it's only when she feels like you would potentially harm her or get weird on her that she gets creeped out. Simple gender-charged (compare against sexually-charged) conversation is a lot of fun to women.
8) It's not at all necessary to agree with everything a woman says and/or like everything she likes...in fact, you shouldn't
This factor was perhaps implied somewhat by point #5 above, but it indeed deserves its own bullet point.
For example, when she talks about the "unique" cookies she bakes, you can openly verbalize that you're NOT much of an oatmeal cookie guy, if that's the case.
Go ahead and tell her, albeit with a hint of playfulness, she's going to have to dig deep and come up with a different recipe for you.
A man who isn't so compliant all the time (as in, "Yes, dear") shows that he has his own plan, his own opinions, all the while demonstrating to a woman that she can count on him to be able to stand up to her...which is a great indicator that he'll of him being able to stand up FOR her when necessary, too.
Again, her feeling of comfort and security is a huge part of what triggers in a woman's soul that she has a man in her presence.
9) Mix in good-natured teasing and banter.
This is as opposed to some misplaced form of "negging" that amounts to nothing more than insults (e.g. "cocky/funny" that ISN'T funny).
The kind of conversation were talking about here is supposed to be FUN and PLAYFUL. There's really no better way to release a woman's natural feminine energy.
If a woman spills coffee on herself during a first meeting, your first thought should be to make her feel comfortable as opposed to suddenly self-conscious.
You may lead with a smile and a slow-shake of the head...then change course, laugh and say, "Well, actually...on second thought you've just freed me up from having to be on my best behavior all day/night. So thanks for that." When she looks up at you with a raised eyebrow and the corner of her mouth turned up, you calmly say, "No, really" with a perfect poker-face.
You can reverse course during a conversation from "tired and predictable" to "totally unexpected" with great effect, also.
For example, on my first meeting with Emily, which happened to be for breakfast, I swear she ordered the most massive breakfast platter on the menu.
As soon as it was placed in front of her by the waitress, I joked and said, "Are you going to eat the rest of that?" as I pretended to pull her plate toward my side of the table.
Sensing the humor in that immediately, she said, "Oh, don't worry. I can eat whatever I want and never gain an ounce". I immediately put a concerned, resolute look on my face and quietly announced, "You just lost a point. No doubt."
She laughed, and to this day still sometimes asks--with a flirtatious giggle--if she ever made up that lost point.
10) If there's ever an "elephant in the room", call it out.
Don't shy away like a wuss from conversation that had better happen for everyone's own good.
If you're going to be five minutes late for the meeting, drop her a text telling her so. (And yes, I said "text". That is an excellent situation in which to put text messaging to good use.)
Similarly, if she's late and didn't give you any indication ahead of time, don't just let it slide. I mean, you don't have to grill her like cheap fajitas, but you can casually mention you think it would have been respectful for her to give you a heads-up, since you would do the same for her.
Do you see how that would send all the right messages about who you are at your core?
Whatever happens, don't let awkwardness blossom. If you think everything should be going well and it's not, don't pretend otherwise.
That falls under point #8 above to some degree in the sense that you'd otherwise still be trying to contrive a shiny, happy situation out of something that isn't so perfect ...and women can't stand that.
If you've ever tried to blow sunshine up the skirt of a woman who just answered "nothing" to the "what's wrong?" question, you get the idea.
For example, if you know she just broke up from a guy she was engaged to, and she seems distant, you might as well throw it on the table.
Don't ask a question, but rather present a statement. If you must, punctuate it with ", huh?" This is a great way to ask a question in a way that sounds self-confident rather than tentative or clingy.
In such a situation you might say, "So you're still kind of broken up over that break up, huh?" She'll either own up to the truth or she'll wake up and snap out of the funk that she may not have even been fully aware she was advertising so obviously.
Ultimately, the key to conversation that "ignites femininity" comes down to how effectively you portray the "big four": masculinity, confidence, your ability to make her feel safe and secure, and character.
You should at all times come off as casual, collected and under control. You do not concern yourself in the moment with the outcome of the date because you are a man who has a plan and is unaffected by outside phenomenon (within reason).
YET...you are indeed intrigued by the woman you're with and interested in her as a woman, even if your world isn't going to exactly implode if she doesn't reciprocate that interest.
After all, if she doesn't, it's her problem not yours--but only as long as you've led in the "big four" direction. See how that works?
The "big four" is to a woman's femininity as a blue-tip match is to kerosene...seriously.
Without question, most of what I've shared in these examples above is not new information. I've mentioned them all before, and I'd dare say so have others. I genuinely trust you'll see the objectivity in them, as promised. But the caveat always remains "your mileage may vary".
Please don't think you'll be able to go out and force the exact lines or examples I've given above into random scenarios. You've got to feel into each situation and apply your uniquely individual brand of masculine, confident, comfort-building ideals into whichever words you choose and the attitudes you adopt.
This really does take practice, but the skills can indeed come to you sooner than you think.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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