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IN THIS EDITION: You've met a pretty cool girl, but you're still undecided on whether she's got long-term potential or not. Here's how to handle the situation with wisdom and respect.
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FEEL LIKE A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP IS TOO RISKY?
Men and women are supposed to be together.
Your partnership shouldn't be merely 1+1=2. It should be more like 1+1=3...or 10, or 100.
But too many of us as men are flat-out terrified to build a legacy with a great woman.
The divorce statistics are too high.
The stakes when a divorce happens are even higher.
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WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT HER YET
A key skill every man must learn is how to conduct himself when on a first meeting with a woman he's not completely sure about just yet.
I know what you're already saying.
"Scot, man. If you're not sure, shouldn't that be an automatic 'no'? I mean, aren't you the guy who's always harping on 'not settling'?"
Not so fast.
You may be completely sold on how she looks and how she carries herself. You know, all the things you make snap judgments about on sight.
And while I know it's completely possible for women to increase in apparent physical beauty (or the opposite) as you get to know them personally, I will indeed vouch for the fact that your "100 out of 100" will very likely knock your socks off in the looks department from the moment you first notice her.
But just because "instant attraction" is a reality doesn't mean that "love at first sight" isn't still a dangerous myth.
Every single woman you meet had better pass some hard tests.
By now you know what those are. She's got to actually like men. She's got to like herself. And she's got to be a woman of strong character.
She also has to enjoy being a woman--which all (yes, I said all) intrinsically feminine women do.
So while you're sitting in front of her trying to decipher her "code" and getting to know what's really going on in her head, here are some things to keep in mind.
1) CONGRATULATE YOURSELF FOR NOT FALLING ALL OVER YOURSELF TRYING TO IMPRESS HER
That's right. By now the dangers of "pre-qualification" have been drilled into your mind. You don't need me to do that again for you.
And if you are indeed no longer "clouded by beauty-vision" pat yourself on the back.
Realize you are among a very small minority of men who can keep their heads together when confronted (and I think that's the correct word) with the prospect of meeting a woman who's more physically attractive than most.
The crazy irony is that not only will this give you a clear head about making sure the woman you're in front of is the "whole package" instead of just a pretty face, your confidence and masculinity as displayed by virtue of this factor alone are going to make that pretty face smile.
That means she's more likely to want you, which brings up the second step...
2) LEARN THE ART OF "CHARM THROTTLING"
I've written about this before in detail. Attractive women who deal with a string of guys who are the usual classic "pre-qualifier" types do it ALL THE TIME.
And as the chooser rather than the chaser you're going to have to do likewise.
The premise is simply this: The "shock and awe" of your big four presence is going to be so attractive to most women (regardless of who they are) that they are highly likely to want to lock you down fast enough that it'll make your head spin.
Men of high character who are able to project masculine confidence while putting a woman completely at ease in his presence are rare.
Welcome to why we talk about the "big four" around here: Because they work.
So when you are reasonably comfortable that a woman you are out with is really starting to like you, remember a simple but powerful concept.
Women tend to soft sell their attraction toward us in subtle ways, and we as men usually need a 2x4 upside the head to figure out a woman is attracted. So if you know she likes you, it's probable that she really likes you.
So in order to give yourself time to make a final decision regarding whether to continue seeing a woman or not, it's important that you lay back and tone it down a bit.
By this I mean don't banter with her quite as much. Be a bit more reserved in the true sense of the word. Hold some of your charm back a bit.
Once you know the possibility of a second date is there for you, save the rest for another time. Otherwise, she could "fall in love" with you, and any decision you make to cut things off could be more hurtful to her than it had to be.
Worse, it could result in you earning yourself a stalker.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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