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WHAT'S INSIDE: Chances are you were NOT "rejected" the last time a woman ignored you after you said something perfectly normal to her. Here's why...
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READ THIS IF YOU WANT TO ELIMINATE "REJECTION"
I was pumping gas and minding my own business at the local gas station when a late model Lexus pulled up to the pump on the other side of mine. It didn't sound right.
When I looked up, there was a plastic, gallon-sized milk container wedged underneath the front spoiler and it was scraping against the street.
Once the car came to a stop, out popped its rather stereotypical driver: A spunky and very cute thirty-something woman with a ponytail in a workout outfit.
She looked like she might be a real-estate agent if dressed differently. I just got that impression.
Since my pump was on "auto" I casually wandered around the other side and made a simple, straightforward suggestion that any decent man would have to help a damsel in distress. Especially when it's 98 degrees outside.
"Hey, I think you're dragging a milk container under there. Let me get it for you."
"No, no...I got it", she said tersely. And she quickly looked away and began fishing with long, painted fingernails under the front of her car.
I shrugged it off and returned to my pickup truck which--as thirsty as it is--continued to swallow petrol at an alarming rate.
A few seconds later, I couldn't help but notice she was walking around the other side of her car to make her way to the convenience store.
It was the longer way around.
When she returned a minute or so later my truck was still gulping down fuel.
But even though I was still standing there doing nothing, I didn't even notice she was there until her car door slammed shut and she drove away.
This is because the woman had made it a point to walk clear around the next island over to return to her car.
Without question, she had gone out of her way to avoid me.
Under such circumstances, most of us would feel a twinge of insecurity.
We'd probably mutter something to ourselves to the effect of, "Wow, that chick didn't just hate me...she hated everything about me."
That's right, we'd see it as a clear-cut case of "rejection".
After all, in this case all I did was simply offer to help her when she was in need, from fifteen feet away, no less.
I wasn't a "Space Invader". I didn't say anything creepy, weird or pushy.
I was dressed in a clean, stylish shirt and pretty normal Quiksilver walkshorts.
As for my truck, it's pretty nice and stylish, not something like what Michael Madsen drove in Kill Bill.
In other words, this wasn't my problem.
Anyone looking on as a third party would have quickly come to that same conclusion.
But let's look at this logically.
I suppose there's an outside chance that some inexplicable force took over this woman's psyche and convinced her to be disgusted by me on sight, even though I was friendly and presentable.
But I seriously doubt it.
After all, I can walk into elevators, order from restaurants and hit the gym on a daily basis without causing a thundering herd of innocent people to urgently stampede from my very presence.
So maybe there are a couple of other possible explanations for what happened here.
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First, what if she likes to think of herself as competent and sharp, but is also easily embarrassed?
As such, she could have felt mortified that her car drew that much attention when she drove up, let alone that I had acknowledged the "awkwardness" of it all.
Meanwhile, I thought nothing of what was going on since surely anyone could catch a plastic milk container under his or her car. So for sure, I wasn't seeing the situation the same way she was.
That alone is a more plausible explanation than her being "instantly disgusted" by me personally.
But how about this?
What if the crazy truth of the matter is she was actually very attracted to me...on sight, no less?
Huh?
That could make it MORE embarrassing, not less.
Or think about it this way. What if she's a woman of character who's already in a relationship--or even happily married--and is extra careful not to put herself in a position to flirt with other guys, let alone cheat?
If she found me intriguing, she might actually go out of her way to keep from getting involved in a potentially flirtatious conversation with me.
Now obviously, the truth is I'm happily married also, so my sole intention really was to help.
But SHE might not have realized that, just like I didn't think to check if there was a big rock on her finger or not.
Nevertheless, it isn't completely out of the question that an attractive thirty-something in a four-door sedan would be happily married, right?
There is not one definite explanation for why this woman wanted nothing to do with me.
And certainly, the more you think about it, the less likely it gets that this was a personal indictment of my lack of attractiveness.
I mean, to be honest, Lexus Lady could have fit in nicely with the type of women I've dated in the past.
That is to say, lots of women just like her have decidedly not "rejected" me.
Maybe she did find me interesting. Or maybe she was flat-out embarrassed.
Perhaps some other guy had just pissed her off, and she wasn't over it yet.
Or, yes...maybe she indeed found me distasteful.
Who knows for sure?
The point is the next time YOU don't get a favorable reaction from a woman you approach, it might not be because YOU were "rejected" either.
As I've said time and again, "rejection" is pretty much a myth that we invent based on having pre-approved a woman as some sort of "goddess" before we even get to know her.
It's NOT a "competition", it's just a conversation.
And what's more, you are NOT creepy, weird or pushy to a woman UNLESS you really are creepy, weird or pushy.
Simply being a perfectly normal man who does and says perfectly normal things is NOT going to disgust or frighten women. I promise.
How will this new mindset transform your interactions with women?
Can you sense when a woman is embarrassed and help her relax in the moment? That will keep you in the conversation longer if you can. To be honest, that's a lesson this incident taught me on the spot. Maybe I could have done a better job at easing any potential embarrassment, instead of assuming there wasn't any.
Can you sense when a woman isn't actually afraid of you, but rather afraid of her attraction toward you? How might you respond to a situation like that differently?
P.S. If you enjoyed this newsletter, you'll love The Difference.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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