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WHAT'S INSIDE: You met her, had a nice conversation and traded numbers. Now she won't leave you alone.
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LETTER FROM A READER
Hi Scot,
I have a problem I need your help with. I broke up with my girlfriend for a short time. So I went to my friend's party and I met this other girl.
We had a quick talk but even though I saw she was desperate and needy, she asked for my number I gave it to her without thinking.
Before the party ended this girl was following me everywhere. She got me into a corner and I kissed her just once, but went home by myself.
The next morning she sent me 3 texts. I didn't get back to her and she sent 2 more texts.
I ignored her for a while but she still kept texting and calling me.
Now I'm back with my girlfriend. I don't want this girl to mess things up for me.
I've told this girl 3 times I have a girlfriend now but she thinks that by trying to be my friend maybe she can change my mind.
I sent a text telling her I want to end any communication with her.
But she won't listen.
I don't know what to do now. Can you give me any advice to stop this girl from calling and texting me?
Kind Regards,
Don (Manchester, UK)
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Hello Don, and thanks for writing.
Your best bet is to stop responding to her completely...even if your only contact has been for the stated purpose of telling her to stop contacting you.
I realize you have tried to ignore her for the most part, but I'm telling you...even one response is enough to fuel the fire.
On one level it's like the way it was back in school. The bigger the rise a bully got from a kid who he picked on, the more he picked on him. It just provides more substance to continue the "conversation" with.
Similarly, in your case she may not care that your response isn't exactly favorable. In her mind it's still enjoyable to some extent because she's still talking to you. And as long as you keep things rolling, the more "material" she has to work with.
But on another level, what's happened here is also a lot like what happens after you've fed a stray cat. All it takes is once and the cat keeps coming back...and won't ever quit.
That analogy applied to the kiss at the party, and carried through to the first time you texted her back...no matter how long you ignored her until that point.
Let me tell you why.
In the specific case of this woman who has totally sold herself on falling for you, she's likely to rationalize to herself that any response from you equals "hope".
And here's the weird part. For better or worse, her thought process isn't actually as irrational as it may seem.
Even in the sales world this principle is actually known to carry some merit, believe it or not.
It's remarkable how many sales eventually come from people who initially responded to e-mail and phone solicitations with negative interest, as opposed to ignoring the pitch and/or hanging up.
What's psychologically conveyed to the seller is a signal that there's possibly only a simple objection to overcome.
Otherwise, his or her attention wouldn't have been piqued at all, right?
Often that train of logic turns out to be remarkably accurate, and the sale is actually made.
So with all of that in mind, In this case you've already done the equivalent of "feeding the stray cat".
So you've got to be patient, no doubt. But you indeed have to ignore her completely from this day forward.
Simply let her find some other guy to continue her conversation with.
Now, if she turns psychotically creepy or even violent, that's when you get the authorities involved. But chances are high that it'll never come to that.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
P.S. Oh, by the way...for those of you who may already be rationalizing how what's described above may work in your favor when the shoe is on the other foot, here's some food for thought.
If you've got a woman you'd love to go out with who hasn't been responding all that well to you, yes...there may be a slight "glimmer of hope" if you keep hammering her with texts begging her to go out with you.
She may in fact relent, particularly if she's too "nice" to say "no" to people.
But most likely she won't.
And by "most likely she won't" I mean success is overwhelmingly improbable.
So please don't get any ideas from the context of this newsletter about cheapening your self-respect in hopes of getting somewhere with a woman by groveling.
The higher-probability strategy is to be a "big four" man, and therefore never have to resort to desperate measures.
Things always end better when you're truly attractive to a woman rather than simply successful at wearing her down, if you can even classify that as "success".
As I talk extensively about in The Man's Approach, a willing woman is always better than a compliant one. Think about it.
Besides, yikers...the only thing worse than a female stalker is a male one. Mark that. Women have the added worry of fearing more for their personal security than most men ever do.
Being that guy hits just about every rung of the "'big four' failure to deploy" ladder on the way down.
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