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WHAT'S INSIDE: Having read the subject line, you may be expecting something completely different from this newsletter than what's coming...but that could be a VERY good thing.
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WHY LASER COACHING WORKS
A full 365 days. Unlimited laser-focused 20-minute topics.
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WHY A MARRIED WOMAN KNOCKED ON HIS DOOR
Every once in a while I happen across some dating advice that's so preposterously bad that I consider it literally dangerous. And when that happens, I feel compelled to do what I can to alert you about it.
Well, here we go...
I just read a Q & A type of article where a woman was asking for advice on what to do about her husband.
She was fed up because he was "selfish".
Her rationale was that he was relaxing on Sunday afternoons and watching some football instead of taking her shoe shopping.
He was cracking a beer upon coming home from work instead of patiently (and immediately) listening to her rant about her day.
He wasn't pitching in with the laundry enough and/or dropping everything at her whim to hold her hand when she "needed to talk".
The advice given to her (by a guy, no less) was as follows: Dump the guy forthwith, take your kids with you and get a man who will give you what you want instead.
Let me translate that for you, just in case it didn't hit you like a freight train:
Get rid of anyone who's so selfish as to not feed your own selfishness enough to your liking. Oh...and don't think twice about breaking up a family to do that.
Good God, man.
First of all, bear in mind that only one side of the story is being fully considered here.
We have no idea if this woman's husband has any redeeming qualities under there or not, or just how much armchair quarterbacking he really does.
I'm guessing he's not cheating on her, being abusive in any way and/or committing any other classic, rational deal breaker that would warrant an immediate breakup.
After all, any of those would have surely topped this woman's list of grievances were they part of the "big picture".
Furthermore, we also have no idea what the woman is like for her husband to live with, but here's a clue.
The advice-giver casually mentioned in context that the woman with the so-called problem just so happened to ring his doorbell to chat one day while her husband was at work.
And what do you know? That's how he learned of her grievances about her husband...when she came over HIS house one day to complain about him.
Ask yourself this: Would any woman who has any respect for the relationship she's in go knocking on other guys' doors in the neighborhood airing her marital "dirty laundry"?
To me it's obvious she was casing this guy for an affair.
Therefore, it's even more obvious that the husband has very real cause to be upset with his wife these days.
But be that as it may, she can apparently rest assured that it's ALL her husband's fault. After all, her MALE neighbor said so.
Reading all of this--in a published piece, no less--pretty much cajoled my lunch to the surface.
I'll admit to you that in a moment of weakness I lost all sense of personal restraint and actually wrote the following to the author:
"Dude. Do you realize you just advised a married woman to break up a family because her 'selfish' husband is standing in the way of her own selfishness? And certainly you realize she's casing you for an affair by ringing your doorbell while her allegedly horrible husband is at work, right?"
The guy actually responded to me. Predictably, he thought I was way, way off.
Of course he did.
Why?
Because the sort of advice he proffers is normal, mainstream stuff.
It's what people want to hear. It's what sells.
And the phenomenon at play here is as effective on men as it apparently is on women.
When it comes to relationship advice, most people--male or female--wish to be told how to get what they want from someone else...preferably as soon as they can, and with as little resistance from the "target" as possible.
Usually, we as guys want to know how to get a chick to have sex with us...fast.
Women typically want to know how to get a guy to marry them...fast.
And anyone who doesn't comply accordingly is disposable. Shake the dust off of your feet and move on, Tiger.
The problem is that any advice to that effect flat out will not work.
Deep down we all suspect that, and probably already know why.
"It takes two to tango", as they say. There's always another real, live human being involved whenever a man and a woman relate to each other.
If you want to be one half of a great relationship, you've got to be ready to give. You've got to represent to MOTOS (members of the other sex) what they want in a partner.
Someone said, "But Scot, I don't want a steady girlfriend right now. I just want some casual fun."
That doesn't change anything. If you want any woman to be excited about you, give her something to be excited about.
Here's a radical, crazy idea: Ask yourself first how you can meet her needs as a "big four" man.
Careful...I didn't say "meet her selfish wants". That's different. I said, "meet her needs".
Rest assured that since women follow a man's lead naturally, a high quality woman will gladly meet your needs in return...loving every minute of it.
And once that ball gets rolling, having your wants met as well tends to happen naturally...out of sheer positive regard for one another.
Welcome to why I talk about "Deserving What You Want" rather than "Getting What You Want", or even "Getting What You Deserve".
I focus on what flat-out works. Simply put, if women perceive you as a "great catch", you just might be shocked by the great women you catch.
If you're skeptical about that and/or you suspect that old habits might die hard, consider the following.
Isn't it interesting that most of the sex advice out there talks about how to pleasure a woman?
That's because nearly all sexperts have figured out what really works to make your sex life better...and interestingly, most guys readily agree that giving pleasure in bed is where it's at.
So then, how come we persist in thinking that selfishness will serve us well in meeting a woman, attracting her and building the relationship outside of the bedroom?
When I started thinking about the "Deserve What You Want" concept I thought it was a fairly basic premise.
As such, the day I Googled the phrase for the first time I fully expected to find dozens of references.
But I found none.
That alone serves as a sobering reminder of just how pervasive a selfish mindset is in the world of relationships between men and women. It's pretty much the default way of looking at things these days...and look at the divorce rates.
Meanwhile, show me one of those rare couples who are happy together long-term and I'll show you two people who deserve what they want. They give to each other and are mutually satisfied as a direct result.
It seems so elegantly simple when put in logical, straightforward English, right?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
X & Y Communications
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